Red Cure (on hold)

Part 10

September 13, 2039 11:26 pm

Peter said he loved me.

He said he loves me.

I don’t know what to do, should I say I love him back? I know what Marine Stevens would say; I’m only sixteen, I’m not even sure what love is. What is love supposed to feel like? Are you supposed to feel the way I feel? What if I don’t love him the way he loves me, what if it’s only a friendly-kiss-you-occasionally-and-let-you-sleep-in-my-bed-sometimes-weird-sort-of-relationship love, and not the type of love I feel. What kind of love are we even feeling? Is it the fleeting, burning bright love that fizzles out just as fast as it is ignited? Or is it the kind that seems like the real deal and lasts but after a few years it leaves as well? Or is it the beginnings of true love, a love that will endure no matter how long we live or how far apart we are, a love that knows no bounds, that no matter how long we’re apart we will always love and care for each other and only for each other.

I know it’s not the first two for sure but it’s not quite the last, I think it’s too early for me to really tell for certain. I’ll have to pay close attention to how I act and feel around Peter, and how he acts around me. I don’t know what true love feels like or looks like, other than what I’ve seen in movies; but I think I’ll know it when it happens. It’s kind of hard to miss.

September 14, 2039 8:35 am

We started driving as soon as Peter woke up; I wanted to drive for a while today so he says we’ll switch at noon. I hope it will be easier than last time.

There is something weird going on with Peter; he only kissed me once this morning and it was only a light peck on the cheek and it almost seemed like he felt like it was wrong. I hope he’s not starting the whole no-kissing-or-anything-romantic thing again. It was torture last time; he didn’t sleep as close to me as he usually did, in fact he kept space in between us. I don’t know what’s going on, did I do something wrong? I don’t remember any arguments, all that happened was he said ‘I love you’ and then all this weird stuff started. I know he’s got something planned; I’m sure he does. He’s probably trying to do what he thinks Marine Stevens would be comfortable with.

I wanted to say I love you back to him when I realized what he was doing but I didn’t it was too early.

10:45 pm

I’m doing pretty well; I haven’t kissed her on the lips since I told her I loved her. It seems like my distance from her confuses her, I wouldn’t know what to think either if she went from kissing me whenever she felt like it to not kissing me at all, it confuses me and I’m the one doing it.

She’s sleeping on my shoulder right now; I don’t let her come any closer and she looks sweet. I ache with the urge to kiss her but I can’t. It hurts to be near her and not to be able to show her any affection beyond a kiss on the cheek.

It’s only going to get worse, for me and for her, but this is the right way.

11:47 pm

I’m getting surer as we go that he’s trying to be honorable. He is the only man I’ve ever dated, and he’s the only man I want to date. He’s trying so hard to do what’s right and appropriate. But I still want a kiss now and then, on the lips. The longer he goes without kissing me the more I want to be kissed; probably not the best thing to feel but there you go.

But since he’s trying so hard, I will try to. From now on I’ll act as I know Marine Stevens would have me act, it will be tough but I won’t make it harder on Peter by throwing myself at him when he’s trying to not even kiss me on the lips, that would be torture.

Poor guy.

I Sharp hereby vow to help Peter in his quest for Marine Stevens’ approval.

September 15, 2039 1:01 pm