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Chapter 1

So I bet you guys are wondering who I am, and how I got this way, huh? Well I can assure you that I wasn't always like this. I used to be fun, happy even. Until that day, May 11, 2017. The day my brother, James, was murdered. But I wish it was just that, that it was some random asshole I didn't know. No, my fate is much crueler then that. It was my fault he died. He was killed by the hands of my own father. All because I refused to meet him.
It all began a week before he died.
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I just got out of Monday night volleyball practice when I received a text from a blocked number. It was from some dude asking me to meet him at Starbucks so that we could "talk".
Naturally not knowing who this creep is and well, being me I told him to fuck off and to stop texting me. And he did stop, for a little while at least.
On Wednesday I got an email saying the same thing, but this time he actually addressed me by my name. I was just going to block him, but my curiosity got the better of me. However, I'm not stupid enough to actually meet him. I merely asked him who he was and stated that I refuse to meet him unless I knew who he was.
In my mind, it was harmless, I had yet realized that not only was some stranger able to find out my identity, but also my phone number and email.
He replied stating that his name was, Luis and that he was my father. I didn't believe him at first, that was until he started sending pictures of my whole family, him included. It took the rest of that day and the next day for him to convince me that he was my father and I still couldn't wrap my mind around it. He once again asked to meet me saying that he missed me and how my mother hid me from him. I couldn't believe anything that was happening, my mom told me that he died when I was very young, and that he loved me a lot. And I was content with that, I knew all that I needed to know, but to have all that I've ever known be taken away from me is gut-wrenching. To have all of this thrown in my face throughout the course of a couple of days is unfathomable. I didn't reply back the next day. All day I was spaced out wondering why my mother wouldn't tell me something so big? I kept asking myself questions like, "Did she not tell me because she was scared that I would want to meet him? But if that was the case then why wouldn't she want me to meet him?" These questions kept rattling in my brain until I finally came up with a plan of action. I wouldn't ask my mom about it because I trust her, and I know that if she kept me in the dark about him it was because I wasn't ready to know yet and that he was no good for me. So instead I would politely tell Luis to shove off and that I don't want him in my life. And that's exactly what I did.
On Saturday morning I unlocked my phone to at least 20 new messages of Luis begging me to reply and to meet him. I was thoroughly freaked out by this and it fueled my desire to ignore him after today. I sent him the last text that I would ever send him.
"Dear Luis,
         I'm sorry that everything happened the way it did, but it did happen and we have to move on. I understand that you may want to see me but I don't want to see you. I'm not, nor will I ever be ready to meet you. If you're a good man and a good father I hope that you'll understand that I am content without you in my life. I have no desire to meet you. I never knew you my whole life and I was and still am, perfectly fine. And if your concern is that I won't have a father figure then you don't have to worry. As you know I have two other siblings, my brother and my sister. Well my mom married my brothers father when I was barely 3, so I've seen him as my dad my whole life. I know this must be hard for you to hear but someone has to tell you. I believe it is your right to know. I hope that you read this with no ill will and move on with your life. I won't respond if you email me again because I will be taking my own advise and will be moving on.
                 Sincerely, your daughter
******
If only I'd known what one email would lead up to. As you might of figured Luis read the email with "ill will" and decided to take drastic measures to get to me. Once I sent that email I started something that wouldn't end well. I single handily wrote my own demise. A year later and here I am, still questioning myself, what if. What if I had met him at Starbucks? Would my brother still be alive? What if I asked Bethany, my mother, about Luis? Would things be different or would it end the same way? Why did Bethany hide me from him all those years ago? If only I had done something different that week maybe I wouldn't be shattered into a million tiny pieces. Maybe James would still be alive.