It was 2.30am.
Same night...
Same events...
I was hoping I had imagined them.
But then again, another part of me loved being there right at that moment, just being in the same building as Andy and Juliet made me feel more safe then I ever was with my mom.
As I was lying in my bed, I thought about everything that had happened over the past few months.
I was beaten.
Raped.
Forced into a relationship.
Impregnated...
~~~~
I opened my eyes at the sight of the bright LA sun shining through the gap in my curtains.
I rubbed my eyes and sat up gently, rubbing my tiny baby bump.
"I'll protect you forever." I whispered down to it.
I smiled and rubbed my bump a little more before getting up before getting in my chair and going to the bathroom.
I did what I had to do and left to get dressed.
I wore black ripped jeans and a plain, white vest top.
I can tell you now that getting dressed whilst being that immobilized is near impossible to do...
As I exited my room, I bumped into Andy who was just about to go downstairs.
"Morning baby girl. Wanna go downstairs?" He asked with a smile, motioning toward the stairs.
I nodded, looking down at my hands in my lap.
"Ok." He replied.
He picked me up bridal style and carried me downstairs, sat me on a stool at the island in the kitchen and went back upstairs to get my wheelchair.
He placed it to my left and went to the fridge to get some fresh orange juice.
He poured three glasses as we could hear Juliet coming down the stairs.
She came through the kitchen door and smiled in no general direction.
"Good morning my gorgeous people." She sang.
"Morning." I mumbled.
"Good morning beautiful." Andy smiled, tucking her under his arm before leaning in for a kiss.
After the kiss was shared, Juliet came and sat next to me.
She rubbed my arm soothingly.
"What's the matter G?" She whispered.
I shrugged.
"Just the usual. I'm just wondering if the relationship between mom and i will ever get better. But i was thinking last night. Maybe she's right."
Andy and Juliet looked at me, confused.
"She thought i was treating you guys like my surrogate parents. That i didn't want her as my mom anymore and that i wanted you, Juliet. And dad was never fully in the picture. He's still in the UK and i never see him since i moved here. Even less than before." I explained.
"She said that?" Andy raised an eyebrow.
I nodded as a repsonse.
"We're your friends. I know she knows that. And we all know you do." Juliet thought a loud.
"Maybe she's right though. Who do i go to when we fight? Who's house do i stay round when i'm not there. Face it guys. You're nothing more than my surrogate parents." As a tear trickled it's way down my cheek, I looked down into the bright orange liquid in my glass before wheeling myself into the living area with it.
I situated my wheelchair next to the couch and lifted myself onto the soft material that held it together, before slumping into the cushions.
Andy and Juliet came in just as I got remotley comfortable and sat down on the same couch.
"We need to talk about this Georgia." Andy told me, sternly.
It was then I realized it.
Mom wasn't just 'possibly right'. She was right.
Andy's tone was so parental. So much like my mom's when I'd done something wrong.
"That. Right there. That was mom's point." I gasped.
Andy and Juliet once again looked confused.
"Your tone right there Andy. It sounded just like a parent's."
"It's what any friend would use when they're worried about you. Nothing special. No point proven." He chuckled.
I sighed and closed my eyes, rubbing them with my non-casted hand.
"I just don't know what to do anymore." I whispered.
~~~~
I sat in my room alone in the dark, wondering what I should do about the situation this time.
Andy was out and Juliet was in the shower.
What to do?
I decided on one thing.
That I couldn't take any of this arguing with my mom and turning to Andy and Juliet all the time thing.
I reached under the bed by my pillow and grabbed my little box.
My magic box.
It made the pain disappear...
I opened it up just as a ray of light streamed through the window, making the metal contents of the box glisten, slightly blinding me.
I took one out carefully and examined the dried blood on the edge.
I couldn't help but smile at how pointless this all was.
The arguing with my mom that was...
I lifted my left arm slightly and looked over all my scars. Old and new.
I put the metal blade to my wrist and firmly pressed it into my flesh, dragging it across my skin.
I did this again and again, wincing almost everytime, going in different directions all over my arm, deeper and deeper, but making some look just like cat scratches.
By thr time I was done, my whole arm was covered in cuts, and even more covered by blood.
I paniced slightly and wrapped my arm in my white vest top and held it tightly to try and make the bleeding stop.
When it finally did, I put on an Avenged Sevenfold hoody (not that the LA weather made me need it) and went to the now empty bathroom.
I felt dizzy to say the least, but I wasn't going to pass out.
I looked myself over in the full length mirror, glancing occasionally at my cast and my wheelchair and thinking I just felt useless.
I then started to think about what sort of a mother I would be...
'You'll never be a good one, you self harm, have all the mental issues under the sun and you don't have a stable home.'
I felt doomed...
