Bullied and Loved

Chapter 1

(the pic is the main character)
Feeling the sting of the razor blade cutting my thighs ,I inhaled letting the pain take me to a better place than than the hell I live in. It made my eyes watery making them tear up. So I them shut as “Disasterology” by Pierce The Veil played letting it blast my demons from my head. The song ended and “Stay Alive” by Andy Black played, I started to sob like a mad woman at a funeral crying for her  beloved , putting my hand over my mouth so no one would hear me as my sobbing continued.
Listening to the lyrics I kept crying and trying not to make any noise but my sharp in takes of air cut through the music. Pulling my hair to see if it would stop but it no use. Stopping it after 15 mins, shaking my head I cleaned myself up. My thighs and wrists looked like a bloody mess.
“Stay Alive for the good times stay alive through the bad! Stay alive for the hopes and the fears and the dreams the best that's we ever had. I keep telling myself I can take you from this god forsaken place” Andy's Blacks voice sounded reassuring and so promising yet nothing was ever that easy.

Sniffling away the grossness I take in a shaky breath.

Seeing my skin as it slightly reopens from a clean cut to a wide-ish gap , blood started to flow down my legs as it made big dribbles of flowing little red rivers. Cutting quickly and sharply in another place I didn't feel it, numbness is the feeling... The one I mostly hate.

You are already numb Max.

Laughing at my thought my phone was being bombed by messages from my only best friend in this cruel crappy world, his name is Cody. Cody always made me smile, he once cosplayed as Sebastian from Black Butler to cheer me up..
  I hear a gun shot and screaming through my music. My parents are fighting ,again! My dad came in with the gun as he knows this scares my mom. Flipping my phone downwards so I wouldn't see the screen, I saw that my wrists and arms had no more space from cutting.

“It started from a small place to a whole-” the screaming of the two got worse, giving out a sigh I closed my eyes.

The song “Hear Me Now” by Hollywood Undead played.

“ Why do I even bother cleaning myself up...I am already dirty and forgotten by-” a bullet grazes by my stomach.
“ So damn close!” looking at the ceiling “ You bastard!!” meaning god “Why couldn't it just have happened!! What have I done to stay alive” Standing up I look in the mirror my fake eyelashes are falling off . Taking them off felt like a bitch.

“ There goes $60 bucks” I sigh “its not like I can't afford it" looking down at my legs.

I am fake like my happiness.

Blood dripped from my cuts onto my black skinny ripped jeans, in big droplets, and on my black All Star Converse. Wiping my teary eyes and blood from my wrists and thighs I pulled my pants up, rolled down my sleeves as I put on my rubber band bracelets and my studded belt.

Max this isn't 2005 to 2013!

(Only emo/scene kids understand this)

Why won't you get over yourself!!

I grabbed my charger,phone and my earphones.
“ Brace yourself Maxy” opening the restroom door I see the whole house looking like crap. The walls where cracked ,stuff thrown and ripped also broken. Glass, ceramic and porcelain stuff all over the dirty floor. The couches ripped up including the curtains. Even some of the glass doors and windows broken along with the TV. Everything looked like it had been hit by a hurricane or tornado.

The maid is going to have a heart attack tomorrow.

“I am sick and tired of your bullshit! You drink every night since and after your father died . Why can't you understand he IS DEAD!! YOU ARE GETTING WORSE YOU NEED FUCKING HELP” my mom grabbed a vase and threw it at my dad as he fired the gun to the ceiling.
I jumped and tried to sneak behind them to go upstairs to my room. My little sister is upstairs in room probably scared, I know this might sound bad but she deserves it, she has been an asshole too. She is the reason I get beat up.
My dad just shot his gun and she is up their! Ugghhh! Fine I will go.
Panicking I try to be as unnoticeable as I can be.
If I can do it at school I can do it now,right?
“ I drink because it fucking helps you slut!! YOU BITCH WHY WON'T YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND!!” he drank another gulp of whatever was in the bottle and he threw it at her breaking as it made contact with her face.

That's what you get. Karma I guess.

Sneaking behind them a gun was at my forehead as I tried crawling behind the couch up the stairs.
Looking up I closed my eyes hoping for death or a some kind of warning shot.
Insider note:
You see when my dad is drunk anything that gets him angry he will take out his gun, knives or some type of weapon. My dad is strong enough to kill several people and he can still keep going for more. My dad went to jail because he created riots and stuff for fun and other gang related stuff.
:End of Insider Note.

I grabbed the small table next to me and I slammed it onto my dad's face as I sprinted upstairs. Stumbling I kept running upstairs going up to my attic room.
“ MAX YOU FREAK!! GET YOUR SLUTTY ASS DOWN HERE!! APOLOGIZE TO YOUR FATHER!!” my mom called out as she ran after me.

Are you fucking kidding me! Bitch I am a virgin!

Closing my bedroom door I saw all of the band posters and my emo/scene like room. Putting my bed to the door my hearing picked up both of my parents trying to open the door.

“HE TRIED TO FREAKING KILL YOU!! AND YOU ARE DEFENDING HIM!! WHAT A FUCKING ROLE MODEL!!” my wrists and thighs started to bleed again. I took off my shirt walking around in my bra. Putting on my mini shorts showing my light tan skin and the side cuts on my stomach. Rubbing the old scars a flashback of a seven year old me started to cut my stomach hoping to cut out my insides to die. Blinking back tears as I shake my head. Poking my visible ribs I saw some skin loose.
I need to keep excersicing.
“No seven year old should be even thinking of death but I did... I wanted so bad...and I am still alive. How even? Why can't I just-” rolls my eyes“ If I would have wanted it I would have been dead.”

Flashback: Gets a bottle of bleach and it tasted horrible I could feel the burn going down my throat and my stomach started to feel weird and buring. I cried as I kept drinking it but I choked and it burned like lava as it trickled down the sides of my mouth.

Shivering , I sighed softly as grabbing my dark brown hair and tugged it, the volume in it was surprisingly emo/scene. I need to cut it, its super long up to my waist.

Blasting Motionless In White the song “ She Never Made It To The Emergency Room”, I sat on my bed as the noises of my dad beating my mom sliced though the music. My phone kept lighting up with Cody's calls and I ignored them.

“If I go downstairs it's just going get me introuble and beat up” thinking about calling Cody.
“ Max, Cody doesn't need more of my drama. I cannot keep him like this always worrying about me” getting up I looked through my closet and I got my bong out ,prepared it as I lit it up and took a huge puff of smoke and held in the buring smoke.

Opening my window I let out the buring smoke slowly as I coughed a bit. Hiccuping I kept repeating the process until the high was to much to even think about THEM and not caring. Putting my stuff away I sprayed my room with perfume , opening up the windows as I look in the mirror at my bruised face from last time.
“ Make-up can do so much” laughing I shook my head.
Smiling at myself my reflection seeing it, the quality of my vision was better.

“ Fuck I am to high what did I even smoke?... Eh whatever” getting on my bed I hugged my teddy bear as it's arm fell off and I slept through the misery.

What's do you all think?! I don't know ...is it bad??? “ TELL ME SOMETHING GOOD ,PLEASE TELL ME ANYTHING AT ALL”-by Northbound.
Tell me comment:
Do you hate her dad or her mom? Tell me what you think. Is it right if her doing drugs or is it not? What's do you think of the mom? Tell me if Cody is a good friend or aNnOyInG? I am probably annoying sorry.
Rawr XD