Depression Quotes

a message

hello peoples

i have encountered some (boy) drama recently and i thought it would be cool to share my wisdom from this experience. so yeah :)

never ever let someone you were once romantically interested in take over your life. don't let that person be a deciding factor in something huge. i let this boy change my future. i let him ruin things i love. don't let anyone do that to you. and once it's all over, sit in the pain. don't go partying and get drunk. don't do drugs or anything like that. (i'm not saying everyone does drugs but i know that's what some people do to cope.) wallow in the heartbreak. when this boy said things were done between us, i cried. i bawled. but i didn't turn to substances. for the first 3 days afterwards, i could barely sleep. they only way i could fall asleep was if i cried myself to sleep. and even then i was only getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep. i didn't eat for 3 days. i just didn't see the point. i didn't talk to anyone. i kept my room dark during the day. but when i emerged from this 3 day slump of not eating, sleeping, talking, or showering, my heart had grown. i was not ready for 'us' to be over but it had to be. and i didn't want to accept that and so i did but at the same time, i didn't. i knew it had to be over. i couldn't force someone to be with me. but i still liked the kid. and i just recently stopped liking him. but for 3 and a half months i had to live with the fact that he didn't feel that way towards me anymore. and when he finally found someone new, i also had to live with the feeling that he really didn't want me anymore. and this hurt almost as much as it ending. now i will admit that this was most definitely not the worst part of 2017 for me. but it ranks in my top 4 or 5. but anyways, i let this boy ruin me. twice. don't ever let someone play you. twice. it is the worst thing to let someone have that much power over you. the only person that should have that much power is yourself. in some situations, like mine, you are the only one that matters. take care of yourself first over anyone. and if someone comes into your life, embrace them. just be prepared for the aftershock. but don't be afraid. don't push them away. you don't experience life by pushing people away. you might get hurt and it will suck. but you just have to deal with the pain and allow your heart to grow from it.

i'm feeling inspirational now so i'm gonna keep going about some other things.

we all get stuck. for 2 years, i never saw myself making it to 16 because everyday i thought of killing myself. well guess what. i'm 16 now. and on my birthday i specifically remember my first "suicide attempt". i was 13. i was in my bathroom, harming myself with a razor. now i didn't try to kill myself. i got startled by a noise i heard and the hand that was holding the razor jerked. it cut my skin and went in deep. so deep that i accidentally cut a vein. i was rushed to the hospital on accounts for suicide. i spent the next 6 days in the hospital. from there i went to a "rehab" facility for 2 days. after that, i was under close watch. 6 months later, i started harming myself again. and then i stopped because my mom saw my cuts. she threatened to send me back to the facility if i didn't stop. i'm proud to say that i am over 2 years clean of self harm. i still struggle with depression and anxiety. but i'm telling you this because i am living proof that things do get better. a million people will tell you that. and you won't believe them. i didn't believe them at first. because i didn't see myself getting a license and having a car. i'm getting my license in 3 months. i didn't see myself becoming old enough to legally vote. i'm less then 2 years away from being able to do so. life does get better if you give it a chance. don't be afraid to take that chance and grow from it.

live to the fullest potential of your surroundings. and don't take things for granted. because you never know when it's going to get taken away from you. on September 21st of this year, i started out the day happy. i thought it was gonna be a normal day. and it was. until about 4:30 pm. my aunt sat me down and she started speaking. "last night your grandma was feeling the greatest. they wanted to bring her to the hospital but she refused. and in her sleep, she passed." and then i couldn't hear anything else after that. i couldn't see anything else. and i thought i had cried the hardest when that boy threw me away. oh wow did i lie to myself. i was weak. i couldn't move. on March 20th of this year, i started out the day happy. i thought it was gonna be a normal day. and it was. until about 3:15 pm. i was on my way home from school when my mom called me. "you need to come home and pack. you'll be leaving and i don't know how long you'll be gone." i got taken away from my home by the state. i stopped and cried in the middle of the sidewalk. and i've been away for 8 months now. everyday i wish for miracle to bring me back home. it's hard to function when all of your energy is spent wishing you could be somewhere else. but it does honestly get better. learn from it. grow from it. adapt.

i talked about a lot of things but they all connect. learn to grow and adapt. that's what humans, as a species, are made to do. we're made to adapt and learn and grow. how do you think my clothes are made? by the growth of technology from people who learned how to make clothes for people that live and have adapted to cold temperatures. (i live in minnesota.) i wasn't born knowing how cold snow was. i learned how cold it was by growing enough to be able to go outside and figure it out for myself. and then i adapted to it because that's the climate 6 out 12 months here.

learn. grow. adapt.

-leah r. bethke

11:48 pm 11-19-17

***7 Months Later***

6-12-18

hey guys! it's been awhile since i wrote. and i still stand by everything i said. i just wanted to let you all know that i've made it through my sophomore year of high school successfully. i never imagined myself doing that a few years ago. but now i'm planning on taking college tests (such as the ACT's and the SAT's). this is a huge accomplishment around me. i am so excited to be taking part in leadership programs and possibly becoming a captain in my fall sport this year! sophomore year was a huge year for me and i can't wait to see what junior & senior year bring for me. i know a lot of people hate the high school experience but, for me so far, it's has been truly amazing. i don't have any regrets on anything (yes, even the stuff that made me sad). but i've learned to grow from all of that as well. 

as i get older, i realize that life is meant to be lived. so get out there and live it. don't be afraid to try that new thing! take opportunities as they stare you in the face. if anyone shames you for it, look at what kind of life they lead. probably a boring one. be down for whatever! (but don't get into trouble!) try that crazy new hairstyle you've been wanting to do! pick out a daring outfit! try something new such as rock climbing! (be careful!!) do something new that makes you step outside of your comfort zone. even if that is just wearing something outside of your usual style. baby steps, am i right? for me, next week, i will be taking part in a leadership program that only a few select students get to go to. this is scary to me because of my anxiety and all the new people i will be forced to meet. but i am willing to try it. and i couldn't be more excited. try everything!!

might as well wrap it up here as it's getting long. but never be afraid to message me if you need to talk about anything! my inbox is open to everyone regardless of gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, sexuality, etc. i am here to talk. sometimes i am not the greatest at it but i am always willing to give it a try.

see ya round!

-leah r. bethke

12:34 am