War On Fortune

Chapter Two - A Busload of Insults

      The Boss was a unique character. Standing at five foot eleven (unless he stretched to his full six foot two to reach the chips he kept hidden on his top shelf) Fappiano looked remarkably like a businessman; but with one major difference. He was a monkey. A monkey, in fact, with fur of a lovely lavender color that he kept washed, shiny and well-groomed. Atop his head rested a colonial-style wig, piled high with snowy white curls and tied in the back with a black ribbon.

"Fortuna!" Fappiano rose from his unicorn-leather chair, his pearly white teeth reflecting the light of the grandiose chandelier overhead. "What have you got for me this time?" His tail waved behind him like a massive purple caterpillar as he expectantly awaited Fortuna's answer.

Taking a seat and tucking her cloak behind her, Fortuna produced her camera from the folds of her clothing. "One of the best yet, I'd wager." She grinned in response, projecting a video on the nearest flat, empty wall. Fappiano clapped, cueing the lights of his office to dim, and faced the screen expectantly. Upon the screen appeared an elf, grinning like a fool, with a hoard of chariot-drawing lizards behind him. One of the lizards, breaking free from his harness, crashed into the railing behind the elf, who fell (in the most ungraceful manner) onto the racetrack. Then, with a wailing scream, he leapt to his feet and floundered back and forth across the track, a lizard lumbering behind him. Fappiano burst into laughter, slapping the arm of his chair, and stood as the lights grew bright once more.

"Ah Fortuna, there is so much potential in this!" He nodded rapidly, pacing back and forth across his ornate, yet ugly carpet. "We could bring the elf on the show if he's still alive-" Here, he paused, glancing at Fortuna. "He is alive, isn't he?"

"Yeah, referees rescued him after about thirty seconds. You could call him onto the show, interview him, make him look the fool like you always do." She chuckled. "It wouldn't be difficult. He's quite the idiot, anyway." She laughed, and Fappiano laughed with her.

"I love the way you see things, Fortuna. You'd do well on my show, if I wasn't so keen on being the center of attention."

"No worries, Fappiano." Fortuna winked at him, standing. "I'm content to do the scouting for you. I enjoy watching these fools firsthand."

"Exactly why I pay you so handsomely." Fappiano withdrew a check from a drawer, writing in rather desirable sum of money and signing it with a flourish. "For the footage." He said, as Fortuna removed a memory chip from the camera and handed it to him. "Be a dear and give my secretary the information she needs to locate the elf, would you?"

"Of course." Fortuna extended her hand across the desk, and Fappiano, with his hairy, purple hand, shook it. Fortuna disregarded the feel of his wiry fur as it brushed her hand; she'd become used to that feeling several sales ago.

"Always a pleasure, my dear. I look forwards to what you bring in next!" The purple monkey walked to the office door with her, and Fortuna gave a careless salute as she exited.

"See you, boss."

Fortuna strode through the halls of offices that made up Multi-Realm Entertainment, a smirk upon her lips. The check in her hand seemed to make her light as a feather, and she tucked it away safely. Exiting the building, she traveled the length of the sidewalk and stepped into the busy road.

A car rushed past, sending a gust of exhaust up through her hair that then rose into the bright purple sky. Her cloak billowed in her wake, nearly catching in the tire of a bicycle as it sped around her. The driver of the bicycle, a horrendously ugly alien that resembled a fish, screamed as he swerved off of the road and faceplanted into a shopkeeper's display of multi-realm merchandise. She managed to avoid these two vehicles, but any watchers may have dismayed, for coming towards her was a tour bus. And not only that; this tour bus was filled with bears. Hungry bears. Fortuna faced the bus without fear, knowing it would go around her. Everything always went around her. She practically ruled the world.

'THUNK'

The bus hit her with a horrible sound, her armor the only thing keeping her from instant death. She tumbled across the cobblestone street, barely conscious as the bus veered sideways. As the bus slammed into the nearest building, the windows shattered in a rainfall of glass. With angry roars, the bears poured out of the busted windows, dropping onto the cobblestone and looking for the source of their delay. Bears hated it when their bus was delayed, after all.

"You!" One of them exclaimed, spotting Fortuna lying prone upon the ground. "You've ruined everything!"

"Indeed she has!" Roared another.

"Make her pay!" Cried a third.

The hoard of bears descended upon her heartily. But instead of using their massive claws to rip her flesh to shreds, they simply began hurling insults after her in a ceaseless manner.

"Your hair is the most hideous thing I've seen all year!" The largest bear grunted, angrily waving his paw at Fortuna's crown of messy blonde hair.

"What's that cloak made from, your grandmother's curtains!?" Roared the second.

"You look like you got hit by a bus!" Said the third.

With great gusto, the bears turned and faced the speaker.

"You bloody fool!" The largest spoke again. "She did get hit by a bus! That's why we're yelling at her!"

"Oh!" The third blustered, flushing bright red beneath his matted fur. "Well... Fiddlesticks!"

With that, the bears continued their onslaught of discourtesy, paying no heed to the fact that Fortuna was half dead. That was, until a knight in shining armor came thundering in on a multi-colored raptor, his sword gleaming in the flaming pink sun. A pompous yellow feather rose gloriously from the crest of his helmet, rising high above the bears in the most condescending manner.

"Cease your insults, brutish bloody beasts!" With thunderous volume, the knight brandished his weapon, slicing off a tuft of the tallest bear's fur.

"Dishonor!" Wailed the brute, a paw across his forehead as he fell to the ground. "My hair has been removed, and with it, my honor!" Great tears welled in his eyes, and he laid his head upon the cobblestone.

"Back, mongrels!" The knight leapt from his dinosaur, then swung his sword wildly at the rest of the bears. Back they went with huffs of distress, some helping the largest to his feet. The knight, satisfied that the danger was out of the way, turned to Fortuna. She lay silent, still beneath the coverage of her glimmering cloak. The knight scooped her up, his armor clunking about in the most unbecoming manner, and climbed into the saddle of his raptor.

"To the hospital!" He kicked his dinosaur, and away they went, leaving the bears crying behind them.