"Dulo, wait." Ziv begged, but he didn't listen. She was the last person he wanted to listen to. He walked out of the infirmary and toward his office. Turning back wasn't an option. Wasn't even a thought on his mind.
"Dulo," Ziv called after him again, following down the hall. "Stop. Please. Let me explain how this even happened."
Dulo spoke but he didn't slow his pace. If anything, he sped up.
"I don't need you to explain," he spat. "I already know exactly what happened — you broke your promise. The one thing I begged you not to do and you fucking did it. That's all the explanation I need."
"Hey, Hot Shot," Ziv spoke softly, trying at his nickname, hoping it might ease the tension somewhat — remind him of how important he was to her; but he cut her off.
"I'm not in the mood for pet names, Ziv," and the way he said her name felt like he shot her exactly where he was aiming, just like he always does. The fact that he did it intentionally to hurt her made it hurt that much worse.
He made a sharp turn into his office and immediately tried to slam the door in Ziv's face, but, in typical Ziv fashion, she caught the door without trouble and pushed her way through, slamming the door behind her.
It was quiet. Quieter than anyone would have thought possible with Ziv present, but nobody would've ever considered that Ziv and Dulo would end up in this situation. The atmosphere was heavy and Ziv felt like she was plummeting towards God knows what without the protection of levitation to break her fall. She knew how all of this is going to play out; she knew how it was going to end. Ugly. It always ended ugly, and she hoped it wouldn't turn out that way with Dulo because, how could anything about their relationship be ugly?
"Don't ever walk away from me like that," Ziv warned.
Dulo laughed bitterly. "Like you walked away from me?"
"I didn't walk away from you — I would never walk away from you."
Dulo shook his head like he had given something up, then turned away from Ziv. "Damn well feels like you did."
"Don't be ridiculous, Hot Shot," Ziv was breathless from disbelief. "you know I wouldn't go against your orders unless it was absolutely necessary."
"How the fuck was any of this necessary?!" Ziv flinched. She was used to Dulo raising his voice, but not like this.
"Dulo," she tried to keep her voice from trembling. "I thought there was no other choice. I thought I was doing the right thing."
"And when did you realize that you were wrong, Ziv?"
"Don't do this to me, Dulo." she pleaded.
"No," he seethed. "I want to know the exact moment when you figured out that you made the wrong decision."
"I don't need you to make me feel any more guilty than I already do!" she tried to keep it together, to keep her voice down — level — but she couldn't. Not with Dulo like this. "I don't need you, of all people, to remind me that I messed everything up, ok?! I'm beating the shit out of myself over this, Dulo, don't make me name my mistakes out loud!"
Dulo stood silent, breathing heavily until he couldn't hold back any longer.
"Maybe you need to say it out loud," he barked, glaring daggers straight into Ziv's tear-brimmed eyes. "maybe you'll hear something for once if it's your own voice 'cause God knows you never listen to ME!"
"I ALWAYS listen to you!"
"Like fucking HELL you do!"
"You know that's not true. Don't make up lies just because you're angry with me."
"I'm a liar?" Dulo questioned, letting out a baffled breath. "What about when you told me that you wouldn't do what you immediately ran off and did? Who lied then, Ziv? What about when you said — gave me your word — that you'd make sure nothing happened to him?" he leaned in close, teeth gritting. "Who lied then?"
"ME!" Ziv yelled. "ME! I DID! I'm an idiot because I make promises with my best friend that I know I can't keep but I lie and make those promises anyway because I'm an idiot who wants you to believe that everything will be ok when it won't, and you're an idiot in love, Dulo — WE CAN'T WIN!"
"AND WHO'S FAULT IS THAT?!"
"NO!!" Ziv cried, not even trying to hold back her tears anymore. "I won't let you put all the blame on me. Not this time. This is too important. We all had a part in this; Quintus played his, he made a decision."
"You should have stopped him." Dulo hissed.
"I tried, Dulo, I tried-"
"YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED HARDER!!" he slammed both of his hands against his desk, sharply cutting her off.
They were both breathing hard now. One in rage, the other in panic.
"I was scared," Ziv choked out in tears, the last word breaking but she didn't care. She was scared again. Worse this time. She stared at Dulo's fists pushing at his desk, fists clenched so tight his knuckle had gone white. She had never seen him this angry and it made her sick to her stomach that she was the person who caused it. Not Farem. Not Sheo. She betrayed his trust — majorly. Royally....
What now?
"We all get scared, Ziv," Dulo ground out. "but you're supposed to be able to control that so you're able to do the right thing. To make sure everyone gets out safe and alive," he falls down into his chair and covers his face with his hands. "How can I trust you to do that?" What now? "How can I trust you, Ziv?"
That was the final blow for her, she thinks. She knows she makes mistakes — everyone makes mistakes — but she went too far this time. She pushed Dulo over the edge and it got ugly. Really ugly. Uglier than she expected. Had she just ruined their friendship? Did she just lose Dulo because of her stupidity? Her incompetence? Losing Dulo was never an option for her, it was never even a thought on her mind.
"Don't..." Ziv breathed out.
"Don't what?"
"Don't leave me..."
Dulo sighed in his hands. "You're the one who needs to leave, Ziv. Please. Let me clear my head."
"I'm not going to-"
"GET OUT." he bellowed, making Ziv jump.
Ziv closed her eyes, letting a few tears fall, before slowly — very slowly — turning on her heels and walking out of Dulo's office.
As much as it hurt her to leave things like this, she knew it wasn't good to push him, especially while he's under unimaginable stress. She would have to leave it. She would have to come back tomorrow — if he allowed her. Would he ever want to speak to her again? If so, she didn't how long it would be, and she didn't know if anything would ever fix it.
She was back in the infirmary, taking a seat next to Quintus's bed and grabbing his limp hand. She looked at him — unconscious, hanging on the edge of miracle and earth-shattering — and she cried. Hard. Deep, scratching, heaving sobs ripped through her chest as she held on to Quintus's hand for dear life.
Dulo did the same in his office. Alone.
