Not While I'm Around

Let It Go

            Dean waited until his brother had left the room before turning back to Castiel. “Hey Cass, now I don’t know if … if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know … how much you mean to me. You’ve done so much for me and Sammy, more than most others have. Most people would’ve given up on us by now … but not you Cass. You believe in us; you believe that we’re good people who are doing the right thing. You’re the only reason I get out of bed some days. You’re the one thing that drives me to keep going during hunts. I … I love you Castiel. I love you,” Dean whispered in a breathy laugh. It felt good to finally get that off his chest, to finally be able to be himself. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to the corner of Castiel’s mouth, mindful of the ventilator that was keeping him alive. “You are my world Castiel. You put up with me even with all of my flaws. You are amazing.” He squeezed Castiel’s hand as he spoke. “I love you.”

            Dean sat in silence for another 5 minutes before there was a tentative knock on the door, and Dr. Dixon stepped into the room. “Hey there Dean, I’m sorry to interrupt, but it’s time to get Jimmy to Harborview. But don’t worry you’ll see him again in a few hours. I’ve already informed the attending, Dr. Collins, that you and Sam will be arriving there sometime tonight, and to brief you on Jimmy’s condition when you arrive,” Dr. Dixon explained.

            “Thank you Lizzie. I know he’s in good hands.” Dean stood and watched as two orderlies entered and wheeled Castiel away. He clenched his hands at his sides, trying to stave off the flood of tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. He wouldn’t cry anymore. Castiel needed him to be strong; he would be strong for the man he loved.

            Dean walked briskly from the room, making his way down to where he’d parked the car. When he arrived at the Impala, Sam was already waiting for him in the passenger seat, gripping a Styrofoam cup of coffee in his hands. Dean noted that Sam still looked like he was about to punch something … or someone.

            “You okay Dean?” Sam asked as Dean slid into the driver’s seat.

            “Yeah I’m okay now. Are you okay Sammy?” Dean asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

            “No,” Sam whispered harshly. He turned his head and stared out the window, shutting Dean out.

            Dean sighed; this was so unlike Sam to not want to talk about his feelings. Usually he was all for turning their car rides into chick flick moments, but now he was acting like an angst ridden teenager. If this kept up any longer, Dean would end up making Sam walk the rest of the way to Seattle.

            “So what are we thinking? Archangels? Demons? Maybe a Coven? Come on Sammy, say something,” Dean wondered. He flicked his gaze to Sam briefly, hoping that the prospect of finding out the culprit would bring Sam out of his funk.

            “An Archangel is probably our best bet. You know those assholes upstairs don’t like that Cass is helping us and not them. I say we find the nearest Angel and make him talk. Make him tell us what’s being broadcast on Angel radio,” Sam said tersely.

            Dean gaped at Sam. “Sam, please tell me you’re not saying what I think you’re saying.”

            “If you think I’m saying that we do whatever we can to find those responsible for almost killing the closest thing we have to family these days … then yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Sam growled. “We can’t let them get away with this, Dean. Cass almost died. He almost died Dean. He almost died alone in some station wagon on some back road in the middle of fucking nowhere! Why are you not livid about this Dean?! Don’t you love him?”