Misfortunes | bts.

[ tape one ]

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Many times I wondered if there was a possibility of going back to where things were still good. To the times where I could be crazy without fear of a fire to erupt in my face, or when an award was in the palms of my hands and I couldn't see because of the tears and my friends shaking my shoulders because we finally made it. God, I'd do whatever to return to the parts of my life where there was no struggle but joy and love wherever I looked. The blood, sweat, and tears poured into every track in albums that our fans made sure to let us know they enjoyed to be experienced once again. Comebacks that brought nervousness and excitement into my veins. Moments with the six boys that had slowly drifted into my life, becoming much closer than coworkers.

I missed it all. I wanted to go back, but the past will forever be a past despite every hopeful prayer, every gut-wrenching plea. So, I looked forward for the future. Perhaps the future would be better than the plentiful gifts the past has granted me. But I won't ever forget the time the future was simply snatched out of my reach.

Two years ago: October 8th, 2018.

We were on top of the world. I didn't think it would get any better than that seeing as awards fell into our hands with every new piece we brought out. Our popularity would cross the world, yet what came with new found fame was pressure. That was the first warning they gave us as we expanded beyond our small towns in Korea. I remembered we took that with much precaution. I doubted anyone wanted to ruin what we had started. It felt too good.

But despite our hardest efforts. . . We couldn't avoid it.

If anything, I thought the pressure would bring me down first. Not Jiminie.

He was the hardest worker I had ever met. Never did he perform half way. There was no way Jiminie would allow himself to fall so short. A perfectionist he was; always wanting to be the best for our fans. I supposed I could understand. The fans were the ones who brought us here. Jimin simply wanted to reward them.

Sometimes I would catch him late at night, practicing to old songs from previous years. Though the moon was shining, Jimin kept going, moving his body until he couldn't move a limb. He still went on practicing even if his body screamed it was enough. I don't think I had ever seen him pass out from exhaustion, and if he did, Jiminie would never tell us. When Namjoon or another one of his hyungs asked about his health the boy just smiled at us.

"No, no I'm okay hyung. Don't worry about me. Worry about what needs to be worried about."

I wished we cared more. We could have went farther distances to help him. Things changed faster than we could all comprehend. It was like a fucking fast ball hitting us right in the face.

During our first comeback concert, Jimin collapsed on stage. We didn't know if this had happened before because he didn't seem to be breathing right. I lost my train of thought then. The screams of our fans and the staff fighting to keep Jimin alive for the paramedics was so fucking overwhelming. Then suddenly, they whisked me away too.

It was the worst night of our lives.

Later in the week we went to visit Jimin at the hospital. It wasn't a surprise he was kept there so long. The doctors wanted him to recover as much as possible after wearing his body down to a thin string.

The members were so worried sick. We tried to talk sense into Jimin, telling him he needed to take care more of himself. He wouldn't listen.

"Jimin, you need to get better," Namjoon had said. Jimin ignored him. Though the younger one replied to him not too long with the same bullshit smile he had given us so many times that it made my blood boil.