Misfortunes | bts.

[ tape two ]

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A couple weeks later it was time to come back as six, not seven. Without Jiminie and his hardwork; without Jiminie and his presence that encouraged us. It made no sense, but the fans were waiting. Their efforts on all our social medias grand. We couldn't leave them hanging. We couldn't end it all. It didn't feel right but we wanted it to feel right. Though it wasn't the best for us, it was for them.

The six of us proceded to continue on, pushing ourselves with the trending hashtags behind us.

#prayforjimin. #weloveyoubts. #itsokaybts.

It all went alright. Jin and I sobered up for the first time in weeks since Jimin's passing. We managed to toss out all the soju. Taehyung and Jungkooks seemed bonded on another level. I couldn't ignore the newfound closeness and constant worry they shared with each other. Clearly something had happened, yet we all remained quiet. Jhope and Namjoon were more than ecstatic with our decision to continue. They looked the same except perhaps a little bit more tired. After all, the work was put on their shoulders.

For awhile we practiced as six, avoiding all the parts that included Jimin. Sometimes the practicing was too much and we stopped, taking the time to gather ourselves.

I think that was what got the next person. Practicing as six and taking so much breaks because the work was overwhelming. Jungkook didn't like it, or atleast, he wanted to make it easier for us.

He approached me one night after practice, saying that hiring a stand-in for Jimin's parts would take the stress off. At first, I was shocked. It hadn't been a month since Jimin died, and suddenly Jungkook thought someone could dance in his place.

"No," I remembered telling him.

"Hyung you're all stressing," He had replied.

"I said no. We can do it."

"Hyung-"

"Can't you listen Jungkook? I said no. We can do it."

The argument didn't stop there. Jungkook continued to press about the topic of Jimin, and somewhere in between the heat, I hit him.

God it was a stupid mistake. I regretted every single bit of it. I told myself when I was sober, I wasn't supposed to act like that. Yet I fucked up without alcohol littering my veins. I hit Jungkook without an influence.

I couldn't stop. I threw things, I tried to hit him again with all the frustration and hurting because it fucking hurt without Jimin, without his presence. It was complete bullshit he wanted a replacement even if it was for our health.

If it wasn't for Jin and Namjoon to pull me away, Jungkook would have died. Namjoon yelled at me a lot that evening.

"Yoongi if you can't get your shit together, how are we supposed to move on?"

That night, I retreated back into the stupor I had brought myself out of for the sake of our group. Jin had joined me with a little nudge, and in hours we were drunk and fucked again. Jungkook didn't return either that night.

With every passing minute and bottle of soju, our other members worried. Hoseok was already calling the police, hoping they would search, though calling them was rather a hit or miss. Namjoon had decided to drive around, hoping Jungkook would show up around our area. Taehyung was worried sick, constantly urging the others to hurry and find him. Jin and I watched the chaos unfold from our table that was starting to overflow with the alcohol we had consumed too much off, relied too much on.

"Get off your asses and find Kookie," Taehyung had already peaked at his breaking point. I supposed he was sick of our laziness. I was too.

"I'll go out Taehyung-ssi," Jin got up, already reaching for the keys on the table. I asked him if he should be driving in his stupor. He told me he wasn't that buzzed, and the dumbass I was believed him. So he went out in his own car, searching for Jungkook.

Once Jin left, Taehyung and Hoseok went off to join Namjoon at the station. They didn't really care I was there sitting by myself at the table, looking like complete trash. I was the one who made him run away anyways. I understood why they didn't want to bring me.

But that was when I got the phonecall.

"Yoongi, wha-what do uh-I do?" Jin was sobbing uncontrollably. I had asked him to calm down or else he wouldn't make any sense.

"I huh-hit him. Juh-Jungkook."

Those words were enough.

I ended up calling the others, sharing the news that Jin had found Jungkook. But I didn't dare tell them that their oldest hyung was the one who had hit him. Oh, I couldn't imagine the shit Jin would go through. He already hit the boy in a drunken daze. Though he may have deserved the hate, I wouldn't let him resort to Jimin's way of coping. I don't think we could stand having to loose Jin.

The rest of us joined him and Jungkook at the hospital, hoping Jungkook would be alright as we sat through the early hours. I have never seen Taehyung so scared, or so mad at the most. Anger bubbled through him that night, frightening knowing him. I watched as Hoseok tried to calm him down yet to no prevail. Namjoon, on the other hand, was trying to get his way in to Jungkook's room. He was just as desperate as we were.

Finally the doctor arrived, and the five of us shot up in our seats, anxious to hear about Jungkook's condition. I think all of us prayed he would still be able to perform, to sing. Perhaps even breathe.

Namjoon was the first to speak with the doctor. I supposed from that, we knew automatically what happened to Jungkook. It only took a professional to confirm our darkest dream.

Coma state. Paralysis. Life support. All those nasty things that we heard was like hearing another friend of ours died. Jin was the most distraught. He had screamed, running into Namjoon's arms in such a panicked state everyone was confused. Taehyung stood silently, but nobody could pretend they didn't see the tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. We don't know exactly when your friend will wake up. If he doesn't meet the three week mark, however, his chances of awakening will lower drastically."

We cried a lot that morning. Our weaknesses spread across the table, eyes tired from crying so much that we weren't sure how we could cry anymore. As a group of five, we realized we weren't able to pick ourselves up from the lost of one friend. Pathetic we were. Careless we were.

Some of us began questioning whether we should have accepted so much fame. Were we ready for it? Should we really have kept to ourselves as a small company that couldn't exceed expectations of bigger ones? Was it safer that way?

Jin excused himself first. He said he was tired, too weak from staying up for so long. Namjoon let him go. Honestly, from all the times I've let someone go, they left me. I almost wanted to yell at Namjoon to not let Jin leave. I knew Namjoon loved him but was too busy to even show it. He shouldn't have let Jin go.

But I let him.

Greedy of me, yes. But I wanted him to feel my pain that early morning. I wanted him to realize how it felt to fucking let someone go. He needed to feel the reality of loosing someone you love. If Taehyung and I already experienced it, maybe the others should. . . Too.

I don't know if it was the Soju talking. I still don't know as I'm recording this. All I do know was pain was pain, and I felt it. I felt it every single day since Jimin left me, screaming my name as he died.

Never let go of someone. That was the moral. Yet we still did every fucking time. So I wasn't really phased when I learned of what had happened to Jin.

TAPE END