Of Blades and Blood | Witcher

iii. Certainty

It only took a couple days more for Dettlaff to grow weary of being around the same people and place. Regis insisted they stay for just a little while longer in order to help them return to health - Dettlaff had a feeling, however, he wished them to stay so Dettlaff could get used to people again. The most irritating part about it was that it worked.

Something in him also still admired Regis' determination to help those he could and how much he cared, even if it was of a stranger. And a human, at that. After all, Dettlaff had a prejudice left over from what Syanna had done to him, and Regis told him not long ago that his contempt merely fed into her memory.

Over these short days, Dettlaff also earned some scrutiny by the villagers who were at last able to walk around and get out of the crowded house. He thought it likely they were upset that he sat off to the side uselessly, though he didn't feel the need to explain himself and continued to wait for the other to finish his work. Occasionally he'd leave to take a walk in the surrounding wood, but for the most part he sat nearby in steady patience.

The sun had been down for a short time before Regis came out of the wooden structure and sat beside his friend, wiping his hands on the old rag again.

"Do you need to go to the stream again?" asked Dettlaff.

"No, that's alright," his friend replied. "I was thinking we'd leave tomorrow, they'll be alright once we're gone. A young woman studied medicine for a short while, but it's enough for them to fall to her aid once we leave."

Dettlaff nodded. The two vampires continued to lean against the wooden shack behind them and were silent. Both were calm, though Dettlaff couldn't help but travel back to the pain that lingered within him. It was subdued, but present nonetheless.

Just over twenty years and his friend's therapy certainly got rid of his anger and immense agony. He was finally convinced that Syanna - may she rot - was behind all of those murders as well, being the root of all of it. He was simply the hand that dealt them, and for this, he was still bitter and regretful. Killing la Croix especially tugged at him.

Though he could be relieved that the tug had grown quite subtle over the years, even if most of that was passed in his solitude. It was a feeling he hardly noticed when his surroundings were silent and for this, at least, he was grateful. Though, just as now, Regis would command upon Dettlaff risking hope for the future. This was not something he was so willing to do. Trust wasn't exactly his strong suit, after all, and much less with humans.

"I must say, you've gotten much better."

"I feel little. We agreed on that not being a good thing."

"We did not agree. Besides, I now see why, and it is a good thing. Your pain was everything to you, made up all you felt. Now that you feel nothing, it simply means the pain is gone. It's like...a parasite and a host. Those bonds can be strong, Dettlaff, and your relationship to that parasite was just so. But when that bond is broken, a host can feel...empty. It is, I daresay, normal. And good."

Dettlaff had to admit that Regis was right. That must've been what he was feeling. For so long, he truly hadn't known anything but pain. It made perfect sense that he felt empty without it, for he didn't know how to feel anything else. The only issue now was to figure that out.

Soon, Regis continued, "Because of this, I do believe you have cause to open your eyes, and heart, a bit more. You and I both know not everyone is so terrible as the Duchess' sister was. She was...a special sort of terrible. The kind that leaves a bitter taste on the tongue at the mention of her, don't you think?"

Regis looked directly at him. Though Dettlaff had yet to develop patience for his elaborate speech.

"Get to the point, Regis."

Regis clicked his tongue as if indignant.

"My point is, Dettlaff, that our exceedingly long lifespans allow us time to heal and change. I know that better than any other. That being said, they also allow us plenty of time to seek love and acceptance."

"Yet it seems you are eager for me to trust again. That does not come easy."

"It's not necessarily that," the barber-surgeon shook his head. "It lies more in your statement of - ah, what was it you said to me just after I found you? Right, that you'd never trust or love again. Now, that's a bit dramatic, isn't it?"

"That was when you found me."

"Which implies your heart has changed. Has it?"

Dettlaff didn't reply. It hadn't. Not really. Perhaps a bit, if at all.

"Still, trust is no easy thing to ask for. Especially with humans."

"Not all humans, or mortals, are the same, Dettlaff," Regis responded sternly. "And I understand that you do not share that belief now, but I want you to be happy. And I do think it's better you start now rather than later. Our immortality suggests you take your time, but I don't believe the Duchess' sister should reign over your feelings for much longer."

Dettlaff scowled and wanted to retaliate with something about how she didn't reign over his feelings. But whatever was left of the grief he felt, she did indeed control. The regret was his own, but she was still the reason he felt it at all.

If anything, this disgusted Dettlaff more and, for a split second, he understood exactly what Regis was trying to say.

"And, of course, I would like to point out something that you won't be happy to hear. But... Ah, she was a liar and a manipulator, and she was good at it. You know this. Though...her love likely could have been fabricated as well."
Dettlaff shot the other a piercing glare and Regis quickly continued, "B-but this also means you may have yet to experience love in the way you should. The relationship with her was one-sided, and any other relationships you've had were only physical. But imagine what it would be like to be truly loved by another. I know you long for this."
Dettlaff simply shook his head, the tug on his heartstrings now growing as strong as it used to be.

"I do. But she still could have loved me in the beginning."

"Could have . But wouldn't it be nice to know for sure?"

As usual, Regis was right. Dettlaff still didn't know how to admit it aloud. But he knew that the other was right and for the first time, he truly considered his point. Trusting others, for surely not everyone was as vile as her . And with it, despite the great difficulty of doing so, perhaps he could love again. Perhaps .