Beautiful Disaster

Chapter 1

He was right—it is beautiful. That's all Aria Montgomery can think of as she stands on the rooftop of Rosewood High at half past midnight. She remembers listening to Ezra utter those words as he stared out towards the skyline in Manhattan, and although she knows that the Rosewood skyline is nothing in comparison, the few lights are still beautiful as they shine out, almost inviting her towards them. It's windy tonight but the chill feels like nothing against Aria's skin. The small hairs on her arms don't stand up and she doesn't have small bumps rising up on the surface like they should be. The brisk air doesn't bother her at all; she's felt this cold for a long time now.

Byron Montgomery never talked about his brother Scott much, and he didn't really have a reason to, but when Mike was beginning to struggle with depression Aria couldn't help but realize the clouded look in her father's eyes when his brother's name was mentioned more often around the house. She would hear it when she came home from school, attempting to be disguised with whispered voices and hushed tones as if it was some family secret meant to be kept away from the children. Aria always thought it was funny, because despite being unborn at the time of Scott Montgomery's untimely suicide it was never a secret how he died.

Aria remembers hearing the story as a young girl and wondering why he would ever do something like that. Why anyone would ever do something like that—something so impulsive and rash and as she thought then, stupid. It took years for her to slowly realize and understand the reasoning behind Scott's decision. It took even longer for her to get the courage to make the same decision for herself, and it's the reason that she's here tonight, standing on top of a building that holds so many of her happiest memories. She's been up here all day, waiting for the janitorial staff to lock up the doors and finally leave so she can feel at peace. It's given her time to think, not so much about her choice but about the people she'll be leaving behind.

Naturally, her first thoughts drift to Ezra. The first thing the rooftop brings is the memory of how his blood coated her hands and stained her fingernails red as she tried to stop the bleeding from the gunshot wound embedded in his side. The gunshot wound that was inflicted on him because of her, because he was doing what Ezra does and was trying to protect her, trying to put her needs above his own. This is the memory that only further confirms the choice she's made, and it makes her happy to know that without her, Ezra will find everything he's wanted in the world and more. Without her, Ezra will be safe and out of harms way. Without her, Ezra will have a better life, she's sure of it.

After the flashbacks from the rooftop pass she lets herself move on to more joyous memories. She lets herself imagine his smile and his eyes as they steal glances at her from across a classroom. She lets herself remember what it felt like to have his fingers barely touching hers on the surface of a desk, their hearts racing at an equally quickened pace due to the fact that they could be caught at any moment. She lets herself imagine that it's his arms wrapped around her small frame rather than her own as she stands on top of the building, hearing him whisper it's so beautiful into her ear again and again. She lets herself remember what it felt like to be loved by someone she loves back, someone she wishes she could be strong for. She wishes Ezra was enough to keep her here, and maybe if she didn't continually put him in danger he would be, but any time she spends caring for him is time he spends as a target for A's torture, and since she knows she will never be able to stop caring for him, this seems like a reasonable solution.

Of course, it's not her only reason for doing this. Her second thoughts are about her family. She thinks of her mom, now happily remarried to Zack. Aria couldn't be more grateful for him and Aria loves that her mom has found something to rekindle the fire in her life that Byron's affair seemed to drain out of her. Maybe without Aria her mother would finally be free of any guilt from starting a new family. She could have children with Zack, ones that weren't haunted by the ghost of an old friend or under the threats of a black hoodie. Aria didn't doubt Ella's love for her, but she also didn't doubt the reality that after a while Ella would move on and in time she would find happiness with her new family that she couldn't find before.