This isn't anything special and I'm only writing it cause I'm bored.
***
"Ugly",
"Fat",
"Worthless",
These are the words I would mutter to myself as I laced into my own skin with the blade. It worked. I mean for this moment in time I felt good, I felt like I had control of my own pain, I know I'll regret it in the morning. When I see my best friend smiling at me, not knowing what I'm going through. But now, right now, it worked. The blood began to pour from the slits in my thighs, I took in a sharp breath and let out a sigh. I could hear my brother walking up the stairs, shouting my name. "Lill, mum wants you! Come on, Lillie, get out of your cave" he chuckled at his own little joke. I had to quickly clean up the blood from my legs with a baby wipe, it stung, but it meant that I could quickly get changed from my shorts to my long pyjama bottoms so that the rest of my family wouldn't see my secret art.
My mum was sitting at her computer as usual, her dinner on her lap, typing away at her screen. She worked from home, this meant it was easier to spend special times like this with me and Hayden, but it also meant I didn't really get to have 'away time' from her. I love my mum dearly, but sometimes, it can get too much. The constant screaming at each other, arguing over who does more in the house, usual silly things like that. I began to feel my fists clench, but rather than throwing one of my tantrums, I sat down and tucked into my dinner.
As soon as I was done I went to race back upstairs so I could run myself a bath and forget about my actions from earlier, but my mum refused and told me I had to stay downstairs and spend some time with her. Why do I need to do this? Every single time I try to talk to her about my problems she tells me to be quiet and continues to read what's on her stupid screen. Again, I feel my fists clench, but I just took a deep breath and let out a sigh, and sat back down into the leather armchair. This is what my counsellor would have me do, "take a breath, count to 10 and let out a big sigh" I heard her sweet voice in my head. Sometimes, I imagined Natalie as my second mum, she seemed to listen more, yes it was her job to do this, but she seemed to genuinely care about me. Like nobody had ever done before.
