***
White light met my eyes as I tried to peel them open. The brightness was blinding, slowly wiping out all the traces of sleep left in me. My head hurts and I felt so exhausted. It felt like even breathing was a hard task to do and the only muscles that I could move were those that were in my eyes.
What I was seeing was an unfamiliar view: bright light, white ceiling, white walls.
Where could I possibly be?
I can hear a faint sound. I think I have heard it before.
Footsteps.
And it was coming towards my direction.
With my eyes half-closed, I saw you crying. I heard you calling out my name as you held my hand close to your face. A drop of your tear fell upon my lips; it tasted bittersweet - it felt like I was tasting a part of your heart.
I wanted to talk to you and tell you that everything is going to be fine.
But for some reason, my lips would not move. I could not.
Oh, Ma...
Please don't cry...
I noticed Dad standing behind you silently praying and crying. He suddenly looked so old and so tired.
I heard another voice but I could not recognize whom it belonged to. With voice laced with regret and sadness, I heard him say,
"This girl would not make it..."
And it only took me just a second to realize that he was pertaining to me.
No, I will not die!
My mind was racing because I just could not accept what the man said.
I am not dying!!!
In my mind, I was screaming but nobody would notice.
The next thing I knew, my eyes were blurry, my vision obscure. I could no longer see a clear view of your face and my ears, it was as if they were closing, making my hearing indistinct. I could not understand what you were saying anymore. It felt like I was suddenly submerged in water and I was sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness of it.
I tried to move and scream and breathe but none of my muscles obeyed me. No, not one.
I feel so scared. I wanted to cry but I could not find my tears. I wanted to scream but I could not find my voice. I wanted to stand up and run away but I could not find my strength.
I am so scared.
My consciousness was drifting away. Darkness was slowly covering me. Your voices were getting farther and farther away. Then, a deafening silence filled my ears. My breath was getting shorter it gave a sharp stabbing pain upon my chest; so painful, it felt like several knives cutting through my flesh. My mouth felt so dry. My hand felt so cold. My throat was tightening. My pulse was growing weaker.
Then suddenly, I found myself standing there. I saw you and Dad crying beside me. My body. I looked at myself lying there looking so pale.
I stand here and yet I lay there.
I remember now how I died.
It was just a normal night... or so I thought.
I was on my way home from a gathering hosted by one of my friends from school. I had a few shots of liquor and it was starting to get into my head. Drops of rain were pouring lightly on my windows. The radio was playing the blues in the cold, cold night. I was lost in the rhythm.
I do not recall whether or not I was driving too fast. I guess I did not care. The next thing I knew, two headlights were shining in front of me. Beyond the light was a lady and a sleeping baby on the car ahead. Everything happened too fast and too slow at the same time. I felt numb. I felt scared. I was scared. I lost control.
Maybe it was her fault. Maybe it was mine. Maybe.
We would never know now.
If only I could turn back the hands of time, I would have changed my fate tonight.
I should have listened when you reminded me not to drink because I would be driving. If I had done so, you would not have cried.
Most importantly, I should still be alive.
***
[Finished: May 01, 2009 / 14:26]
