Printesa Mea, Regina Mea(my princess, my queen)

We're having to do what?

Alright peeps, this will be the exact same as the episode above of the abridged series with mild hints of the actual series. I'm going to rewatch it while doing this chapter. It's when Maxwell calls Integra a 'sow'. Which can someone please explain how that is an insult? I thought a sow is a cow or is it a pig, I can't remember. Anyway, on with the chapter!!! Also, I do not own the lines I used for this, a majority of the dialogue is from the Abridged.
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"Maxwell, Oh, it's been far too long," Sir Integra stated. I stood behind her attempting my damndest to not hurt him. He looked so smug.
"I agree, you are no longer that little girl I used to know." He took off his glasses. "Look at all those lines on your face." Why that little bastard! We don't point out how old Sir Integra is; she isn't even that old.
The two of them continued the little polite insulting talk until Alucard made his appearance by, you'll never guess, phasing through the wall.
"Honestly, if you're gonna have a dick fighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the nine-year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which is payed for how? Oh right! "Generous" donations from your followers to spread the word of God...all over his back." Damn Alucard, tongue lashing. Maxwell looked PISSED, like all hell's about to break loose, pissed. It was amusing. Until he broke his spectacles calling out the leprechaun priest. Who continued with his speeches...Sweet Jesus someone send me some sanity.
Anderson pulled out his bayonets and started talking. "Serve the lord with fear and rejoice with trembling!" That's creepy...and now Alucard's smiling like a mental asylum patient with his guns out. My god...how does Integra deal with these idiots.
"YOU GOT ME A PRESENT?!" Alucard yelled getting into fighting position. Anderson walked slowly up to Alucard. "Kiss the son lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way when his wrath is kindled but a little!" They stood face to face about to fight until Seras came into it with a group of olden Japanese people, shouting random nonsense.
"Sweet Jesus." I mumbled shooting a glare at the two males.
"Well, my boner's gone." Alucard states before looking at me. "Mind making it hard again?" The Damn pervert is wanting to get hit. Anderson left and went back to where Maxwell wanted him to go. Alucard and Anderson promised to kill each other later. Weirdos. Integra And Maxwell went to go discuss something leaving me with Alucard and to scold his ass. "YOURE A DAMN IDIOT!" I yelled at him only to get picked up. F*ck my height.
"Hello my queen, happy at what I did?" He asked me and only got a glare.
"Happy?! HAPPY?!" I shouted. "You nearly had a full on fight and then asked me to rekindle your damn boner! HOW THE F*CK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY?!?!?!?!" I shouted glaring.
Alucard chuckled and held me close. "You know you love me." He smirked
—-Author~Chan's POV—————-
They all went home hearing Integra stating about where someone is and Walter stated that Alucard had Vacation days. Lovely.
"I have vacation days?! You mean I can leave anytime I want and not get yelled at over the phone? Because, seriously, it's always over the phone! Mostly because I don't like to argue with her in person. I get a minor boner; it's super awkward." He stated.
"Quite." Walter replied rubbing his head at the excessive information.
"Well that settles it. I'm going traveling!" Alucard shouted wearing another shit eating grin.
"Yes you can go anywhere...except for Brazil. Sir. Integra was quite insistent that you never visited Brazil." Walter stated and Alucard and Walter had a staring contest for a few minutes.
"I'm taking the police girl, the Frenchman, and my queen!" He yelled.
Alucard and Pip entered a plane and (F/N) was half asleep on Alucard's back. "Where are we going?" She asked confused. They sat down and Alucard had (F/N) in his lap holding her close. "Brazil." He stated.
Pip looked at Alucard. "So, Where is the police girl?" He asked.
"Oh y'know...she's downstairs." He stated.
(F/N) looked at him, her (E/C) eyes looking dead at him. "What? But isn't that the cargo hold?" She asked.
Alucard just chuckled. "Go back to sleep my queen." He stated soothing her back to sleep.
The plane ride continued until they reached Brazil. Alucard laughed and shouted waking up (F/N) "JESUS WANTS A HUG!!!" He yelled causing (F/N) to wake up and scream lightly.
"WHAT THE F*CK ALUCARD!" She yelled.
They got of the plane and entered a hotel when the male behind the counter sent a wink to (F/N) and said the wrong place.
"No I want the penthouse with my wife." Alucard stated.
(F/N) blushed and kept quiet knowing there was no point in arguing with Alucard at the moment.
"I'm sorry sir, but Mr. Chevy Chase currently has that room reserved." The poor hotel guy stated. Alucard got pissed and did some type of mind control thing. "I SAID...you want to give me the penthouse." He stated.
"I want to give you the penthouse." The hotel manager repeated. Don't tell me
he's using that to his favorite interest. If he uses that on me, I will hurt him.