The Perfect Love #COMPLETE #PUBLISHED

The Perfect Love

TPL 1

Lights blaring. Machines beeping. The smell of medicine. This ain't where I planned to be.

I could see Ollie standing over me. I asked myself so many times up to this point was it all worth it... Would I do it again? I don't know. I can't answer that.

Let me take you back to eighty- three. That was the year my mama gave birth to a bastard. I knew she gave birth to a bastard cause she never let me forget it. My earliest memory was of me being pushed in a stroller. I remember my mama pushing my ass fast as fuck, shoving stuff under my blankets. Packs of frozen meat, milk, you name it. Nah, she wasn't stealing it to put food on the table. She was stealing it, to go sell it. She would roll out the store smilin' at folks. Stopping to talk about local news. I was too big to be in that damn stroller but nobody asked questions. I don't remember what age I was, I just know I was big enough for my feet to scrape the ground as I got pushed to the front to make room for whatever she needed.

I would watch her take the shit up the street, house to house, asking who needed what.

My mama name is Juanita Varland. Everybody called her Nita, even me. I lived my life with a lot of resentment toward Nita. That's why I didn't listen when she told me about Ollie.

Ollie was the love of my life. I would do anything for that girl even though I fucked up a lot. I didn't know how to love, you know what I mean? I was selfish at times. But see, you don't know what you have until it's too late sometimes. Right now was too late, fasho.

My mama used to tell me about females in Toledo. As far as I could tell, I only needed to stay away from bitches like her.

Nita was a hustler, wheew her hustle hand was strong, but shit... Every crackhead got a strong hustle hand. Especially the bitches. I den got my dick sucked in the trap for crumbs many of days. Nita was no different from them... She probably trained all them little bitches.

TPL 2

Nita always had me in fucked up situations. I remember she left me with some white people. I didn't know who they were. I never seen 'em. As soon as Nita walked out the door, they told me to get in the corner. I remember it was daylight when they put me in the corner. My feet hurt cause my shoes was too small. I stood they for what had to be hours. I asked to go to the bathroom and they said no. I pissed myself. That just opened the door for an ass whoopin'. I ain't know them muhfuckas though... I didn't even know why I had to get in the corner.

Nita exposed me to a lot of fucked up shit. The first time I fucked around with a bitch, my mama sent her friends daughter to tell me about my manhood and shit. The lil' bitch had to be a whole fourteen. Now how the fuck you send a fourteen year old to talk to yo son about manhood? Mind you, I'm about a whole eight. 'Type of shit is that?

The 'lil chick name was Kenya. She was brown skinned with green eyes. I won't ever forget her. She took me to the bedroom and closed the door. The top floor of my mama's duplex that she shared with her crack head friend...

She sat down on the edge of the bed and started tellin' me about her titties growin'.

Somehow, her speech opened the door for her to stroke my dick and open her shirt to show me her titties. They looked like to mudpies sittin' on her chest. At the time, I didn't think nothin' of the whole situation. After she was done strokin' me and pushing her lil' mudpies in my face I went to go hunt down Nita.

I looked all over the duplex for her. I finally ended pushin' the bathroom door open to find her and her best friend in the bathroom. Her best friend was sittin' on the edge of the tub, while Nita was leaned up against the sink. Nita looked like a zombie. I asked her why her head was shakin' back and forth, she told me it wasnt and to get out. That's the first time I knew for sure Nita was real life on somethin'. I didn't know what, I just knew it was somethin'.

After awhile, Nita took me to the bar down the street. She got her a pack of cigarettes out of the cigarette machine and bought me some onion rings. I spun on that stool just as happy as could be. I didn't matter that Nita had me in a bar. Shit I was just happy to be around her ass without gettin' cussed at.

Shit though, that was nothing compared to when her and my auntie went out partyin' all night, came back in the morning with three niggas. Okay, its two of them, and you bring back three niggas. So I wake up in the morning, and the nigga who didn't get no pussy thought he was about to come and get my ass. I ain't play that shit. I don't play that shit now, and I didn't play that shit then. I ran through that bitch screamin' at the top of my lungs. Everybody wakin' up cause that nigga wasn't bout to be ticklin' my lil' ass. Fuck that.

TPL 3

By the time I was thirteen, you can pretty much imagine my life. I was smokin' weed, skippin' school, fuckin' up in every aspect. There wasn't one muhfucka around enough to tell me right. I wasn't listenin' to 'em. I spent too much time alone. I spent too much time raisin' myself.

We ain't never have no food in the house. I went to sleep off of a slice of bread so many nights I lost count. We had roaches like a muhfucka. I couldn't even sleep in peace.

I remember when I first started fuckin' around in the streets. I had to be about fifteen. I was a lil' dirty dude too. Raggedy ass shoes. Clothes ain't seen a washer in months. All I did was drift around with niggas from the neighborhood gettin' high and drunk. Even the muhfuckas I called my friends used to talk about me. They called me musty, said my shoes was talkin'. Them bitches was curled up though, I can't even lie. I got bitches though. I used to fuck with all the girls that was just like me. Project girls. Dirty and funky just like me. They used to have a lil' piece of ponytail with bazillian fuckin' hair thangs to make it look like they had hair.

We would meet up at my niggas house and they would bring little sisters and little cousins and shit. I didn't know no better back then. We would fuck right in front of 'em. And don't let her bring some cousins they age, we fuckin' all of em. Until I laid my eyes on Ollie.

Olivia Preston. Olivia stayed in the Cherrywoods. That's where I ran around most of the time. She was different from the rest of 'em. Ollie came with one of the lil' bitches I was fuckin'. After I laid my eyes on her. I didn't wanna fuck with nobody else.

She wasn't the classic good girl. She was loud as fuck, rude, all that. But she was pretty. And she was smart as fuck. Ollie knew a lil' somethin' about everything.

The first time we met, she was givin' her cousin a lecture about getting pregnant, and how she was gon' end up fuckin' her life up- fuckin' with musty dick dudes. She was so fine I didn't even give a fuck that she was shittin' on me to my face.

TPL 4

Ollie made me not want to even deal with her cousin KeKe. KeKe was cool people but she honestly didn't have nothin' on Ollie. Unfortunately, when I stopped messin' with KeKe, I didn't really see Ollie that much. Not that much until a few years later. By that time, a nigga bossed up a lil' bit. I started washin' my ass and learned how to take my lil' shit to the laundromat. I kept me some decent shoes because I started hittin' licks. I wasn't the drug dealer type for real. I was the break in yo house while you gone type. And that's what I did.

It started out with me just clippin' little shit. You know, little game systems, radios, and jewelry. I would take it and go sell it to people or shoot it to the pawn shop. I would take that little change and start taking care of myself. Started getting my hair lined up and shit.

So, I'm sitting on the Tarta bus. I'm minding my own business with my headphones on. Fresh seventeen years old. I feel a soft tap on my shoulder. There she was. Ollie. She had on jeans so tight I could see her pussy through 'em. Then her ass was so fat, you could see it from the from. She was just bustin' out of everything. Long hair, pretty face, clean as fuck.  She said, "Heeyyyy Bighead!"

I smiled and stood up, I was so geeked. I gave her a little hug and I swear I can't remember where I was going at first, but I knew when she got off the bus, I was getting off of the bus.

She got off at Franklin Park mall. We walked around and talked shit about old times. She said KeKe was on her way but I could stay if I wanted to. I knew how KeKe was back then, so I made my move on Ollie before she got there.

We snuck into a theatre to kiss. Well Ollie didn't know it was to kiss, but I did. As soon as we sat down I started whisperin' in her ear. She giggled and shit, told me to stop a few times. I must have hit that spot, because when she let me stick my hands between her thighs, I knew she was mine. Like I said, her jeans was tight as fuck, there wasn't no gettin' in the boys. But she felt me though. I had my hand between her thighs kissin' her while I stroked my dick. I couldn't help it. I was seventeen.


TPL 5

Ollie wasn't tryin' to let me get none for real. She wasn't that easy. As a matter of fact she was complicated and picky. That's why when I first took her out, I made everything perfect.

I still didn't have a lot of money but I wanted to be around her. She was interesting to me.

The first date was dinner. I saved up my lil' dollars to tale her to Red Lobster. I found out she didn't like seafood all like that but we had a chance to talk for hours. She was cool with it. I bet you my ass smashed!

I found out that she had a few brothers and sisters, her parents was regular. Worked hard but still in the woods.

As the night went on, I got to know Ollie. She was silly as fuck. That's the thing I liked... after her big booty. Her booty was always my first love. Ollie was smart as fuck, silly, and creative. That muhfucka liked to draw, paint, write, sing. She did everything! And everything she did, she was good at. Including giving me head.

Man, the first time we fucked around... Which was about three months after we kicked it. We started gettin' serious and decided to give each other that label.  After the first time, that girl put my dick in her mouth, I don't think I been the same since!

TPL 6

I was born Alexander Mark Thomas. According to stories I was born in one of my mama's traps. They didn't call 'em traps back that but you get my drift. I was born during a bad snowstorm, and I almost didn't make it. Aside from being a crack baby, my mama didn't call for ambulance right away. I guess one of the muhfuckas in the house called after everybody dispersed. They left her in there by herself.

My life story unfolded the older I got, so it was hard to bring Ollie into my life at first. The first time she met Nita, Nita didn't even speak. She looked her up and down and walked away. I knew I was in love when Ollie laughed and said, "Ain't you too old to be that rude?"

Nita responded with, "Do you pay my bills?"

Ollie snapped back and said, "What bill do I need to pay to get a hello? I'll pay it."

I think Ollie saw a future with me to the point where she knew she had to let Nita know what it was. Nita knew what it was too, and she didn't like it.

I went on to quit school while Ollie pushed through and graduated. I still hadn't met her family and I knew why. I was a lil' thug nigga. Wild dreadlocks, nothin' going for myself...

I don't think that Ollie was embarrassed as much as she was secretive. She didn't talk to me a lot about her family, and I didn't ask.

A week after Ollie graduated, that's when our lives pretty much changed forever.

TPL 7

I fucked around and got Ollie pregnant. It wasn't real to me. Like, I never thought about no kid in my future. I never thought about like, being a daddy to a kid.

It was scary. It went from me and Ollie kicking it together. Her planning her future and me running the streets, to her asking me about baby names and what kind of diapers to use. That shit was foreign to me. I didn't even like being a kid let alone getting ready to have one.  I didn't know what I was doing, and in all fairness, neither did Ollie.

I started to distance myself. Time together turned into time on the phone, until time on the phone turned into unanswered phone calls. I told Nita, she basically told me that a baby wasn't what I needed for my life, and that it probably wasn't even mine. Its crazy how a muhfucka you wouldn't trust to tell you what time of day it was, could get in yo ear when you needed an excuse to be a coward. I didn't realize I was being a coward until I ran into Ollie's brother about four months later.

Well... He ran into me.

TPL 8

I was fuckin' around in the hood. I was at my homeboy house. Willy. Willy knew my whole little situation with Ollie. What I didn't know was, was that he was cool with Ollie big brother. Ollie brother and him went to the same studio to record music and shit... So I found out. Willie told me he had somebody he wanted me to meet.

So we all kickin' it and shit... And this big nigga, had to be tall as fuck cause I was tall as fuck. Now, I'm about six- one so this nigga had to be at least six-four, but this nigga was swole. His muscles was poppin' out his shirt and shit. I ain't gon' lie a nigga was shook.

He came in and didn't look at nobody but me so I knew it was bout to be some bullshit.

He introduced himself to me as Lester, Ollie's oldest brother. I looked at Willy like, "You bitch ass nigga!"

Lester sat down on the edge of the couch and looked straight forward, leaning back like he was chillin', but his body language told me he was ready to fuck shit up on the spot.

I couldn't even flex. I knew that he knew, that I knew he could see the bitch in me crying inside, scared for my life.

"So you the lil' faggot ass coward that got my little sister cryin' every damn night?"

At that moment, I didn't care that this nigga was probably about to slap me like a lil' bitch. My mind immediately thought about Ollie. I had put her so far out of my mind and had done started fuckin' with some other little hoes.

I didn't want to think about her, but at that moment, it hurt my soul to think she was sittin' around crying. Over me. Me though. The nobody I was, she was cryin' for me.

So Lester ended up tellin' me that Ollie had been to three appointments by herself, and that she been actin' different. It fucked me up. I hurt her.

I found out that she had an appointment to see the baby for the first time that day and that I needed to be there.

I rolled out with Lester right then and there.

When we pulled up, Lester talked to me about how I needed to stop being a little knucklehead cause shit was about to get real.

We went in the house and Lester introduced me to the family as "The little bitch made nigga."

And I acted like that was my name too. Haha, my scary ass ain't say shit but 'Hello' to everybody.

TPL 9

I never been in Ollie's room. Her shit was laid like a princess. She had pictures taped all over, of her and her friends and family. She sat in her bed with tears in her eyes. That shit had me. I dropped a few seeing her ass cryin'.

I walked over to her and just hugged her. I didn't have no words. I had a lump in my throat so I couldn't if I wanted to. She wrapped her arms around me and cried. My shoulder was soaked after just a few minutes. I told her I wasn't gon' leave her and my baby. She cried harder and held me tighter. She needed me.

We sat down and talked and I basically spent the whole time promisin' to make it up to her. I didn't really know how, I just knew that was what I had to do.

After a while, her mama drove us to her appointment. I was nervous as fuck.

She laid on that bed and the lady squirted some shit on her stomach. Her stomach wasn't that big. She just looked a little chubby if you asked me. I noticed her face was startin' to look different though. She had fat cheeks and her nose looked big as hell.

It sounded crazy. The lady rubbed that shit around her stomach and the machine started making crazy ass noises. She started pointin' at the screen. Damn, that was my baby in that muhfucka.

I looked at Ollie and I could tell she was scared.  I was gon' stay by her side though.

The doctor told us she could see what the sex was. She asked us did we wana know what it was, we both looked at each other and said yeah.

TPL 10

She smiled at us and tried to make us guess the parts. What she pointed at looked like two lima beans if you ask me.

Ollie was so scared but she smiled through it. I held her hand and she squeezed it.

That was the last time I saw Ollie before I got locked up. I got locked up and got a year for breaking in some old lady house. Me and my homeboy Willy had the perfect plan. Basically, the plan was to take the old lady shit, for whatever we could... Then shoot it to the pawn shop before it got reported. We had some fiends that was gone turn it in for us. Well, the plan went south when Willy invited Lester, and shit got hectic cause a nigga wanted to argue and tell me that I shouldn't have been there. Nigga how you gone cut me out my own plan???

The old lady came home, and she basically ran straight out the house. She identified us good enough for the police to catch up with us an hour later. Shit was fucked up. I knew the old lady from the neighborhood but I ain't know she was gon get a nigga back like that. We all got sentenced and separated.

Over the months I tried to keep up with Ollie. She never wrote me, she never sent a picture. I couldn't be mad though. I did some fuck shit that took me from her, I would never be mad at her. Nothing she could do would make me hate her.

I sat around a bunch of niggas all day. I stayed fightin'. Niggas always tryin' to prove somethin'. They always looking to make an example out of somebody. They found out real quick it wasn't gonna be me. I got time added to my sentence.

TPL 11

I woke up, brushed my teeth, showered. Got dressed and gathered my books and clothes.

I spent the rest of my time reading waiting for the hours to pass by.

I met up with this cat, his name was Vernon but they called him JB. I found out later that it was a nickname he got while in there, it stood for John the Baptist.

JB started schoolin' me. He was talking to me about turnin' my life around. Dude was stout and intelligent. JB started includin' me in His Bible Study sessions and teaching me about transformation. I spent the remainder of my time prayin' and calling on the Lord to save me from my ways. I had Muslims in there tryna tell me about this way and that way, Allah and the sort, but I feel like the message that JB gave me brought more clarity. Discipline. God changed me into a man. I had grown to understand concepts of family. I understood that my mama was what the Bible called, bondage. I started to understand that my life had been in the hands of Satan and my ways were not right, even though it was the only way I had known. It was time for a new way, now that I found out there was a new way.

The time finally came. I was going to find Ollie and make her my wife. I picked up my GED and pushed it into my folder, along with my Machine Operator License. I was ready to start loving my family and carrying out God's will in my life.

TPL 12

I made it back to my neighborhood. Everything looked the same, but everything looked different at the same time. Hard to explain I guess. The first thing I did was touch basis with my mother. It feel strange saying that. She always been Nita to me. Juanita was my mother and I wanted to start treating her with honor. That's what God wanted.

"Damn nigga, you done grew some muscles and a beard! Look at what 2 years did! Yo dreadlocks is down yo damn back nigga!"

She sat on the couch smoking a cigarette. She didn't even stand up to give me a hug. Its okay. One step at a time. She still in bondage. I couldn't forget what I was up against and be discouraged.

I took my stuff to my room and it looked just like I left it. Dirty.

I was about to clean up but I had something more important to do.

"Mama, you heard from Ollie?"

"Mama? Hell naw, I ain't heard from nobody. Why? Was I supposed to?"

I didn't say anything. I walked out the door on her like I had so many times before. I would need to get on my feet quick to get up out her house. A man didn't have no business with his mama when he got a family.

I left out on my quest to find Ollie. To the Cherrywoods I went. It felt good to be out!

I made my way to her parents spot. After a few knocks one of her sisters answered.

"Dang you look sexy as fuck? Who you here for?"

She didn't recognize me...

"Hi, I'm here for Ollie."

"She don't stay here. She got her own apartment."

"You have an address?"

"Come on."

Her sister walked me across two parking lots and walked me through a door and a hallway. After making it to the third floor I walked in. My heart hurt. My heart hurt bad.

Ollie was at the stove fryin' chicken with a cigarette in her mouth.  I could tell it was her from the back even though she had gained a little weight. She had a big tattoos and her hair was down her back. It was a weave. She never really wore that. Her ass was hanging out of the bottom of her shorts. It had to be at least five niggas in the front room and three in the kitchen, sittin' at the table playin cards, along with her cousin that I used to kick it with.

"Ollie, somebody lookin' for you."

"Who is somebody? Why you bringin' people to my muthafuckin house Bitch?"

Ollie turned around and dropped the fork she was holdin'. She had a black eye and a swollen lip.

TPL 13

I could see her embarrassment. It was written all over her. She froze and looked down at one of the niggas sittin' at the table.

"Can we talk in private?"

Homeboy threw his cards down and raised up...

"Yooo, who the fuck is this nigga?"

Dude was skinny as fuck, I bitch slapped niggas like him. I wasn't worried. My mind immediately thought about God and how he would want me to handle this situation. I put my hands up and told them I didn't want no trouble.

"Nah, FAM you want trouble comin' up in her checkin' fa my bitch!"

"Just go!" Ollie shouted. She was scared. That must have been her new nigga. I can't act like I wasn't wrong for Rollin' my ass up in here thinkin' shit would be just like my room, exactly how I left it.

I put my hands up and walked out. I didn't get to see my baby or talk to Ollie.

I swear I think I prayed my whole walk back. I prayed all the way to Willy house. I hadn't spoke to him cause they don't let inmates talk to each other but I figured because I had time added, he was already out. I needed the scoop on Ollie and my baby.

TPL 14

Got to Willy house and his cousins opened up the door. They was rollin' up bit I told 'em I was cool though. I asked about Willy and they said that nigga was gone. I didn't know if he moved out of town or ran to the store until I looked around. I start noticin' dead roses and shit. I walked up to the picture on the mantle. It was a picture of Willy. His graduation picture was on the front of his obituary.

This was startin' to be too much for a nigga in one day.

They said that nigga overdosed. Right, that's what I said... "Overdose?" That shit ain't sound right at all.

I sat with them niggas for a couple hours catchin up, before makin' my way back to Nita's.

It was easier to hold on to God when I was locked up and that's the only thing I had. Now all this shit was comin' at me fast as fuck.

I made it back to Nita's house and never expected to walk into the house and see Ollie, and my baby.

TPL 15

She stole my heart as soon as I laid eyes on her. She had one be about one foot and a few inches. She was chubby and smiley. She looked just like me.

"What's her name?"

"Alexandria, but I call her Alex."

I got on my knees and stood in front of her. We had a whole conversation. Nobody was in the room but us. I thought I was in love with Ollie, but this shit right here was a whole new level.

"I wana know everything about her."

Ollie leaned over and wrapped her hands around me and started to cry. I grabbed my baby, and Ollie. I hugged em both til my knees gave out. My mama just watched until she said, "Damn nigga, she look just like you."

"Ollie, did that nigga hit you?"

"No. Ain't no nigga been hitting me!"

"Okay, so who did?"

TPL 16

"It was this bitch he was fuckin' with. She caught me off guard."

Her face looked bad. It was almost hard to look at her. I knew that I was responsible for everything that had taken place while I was locked up, but I never imagined shit would go like this.

Ollie became the very thing that I didn't want. The type of bitch I would have fucked and thrown away. Lord knows I wanted to come home and pick up where I left off but God wasn't givin' me shit to work with.

"Ollie I'm sorry. I was tryna' make some money for you. I wanted you to have what you needed. I didn't know I was about to do two years and be away from y'all. I swear to God if I could do it-"

"But you can't can you! You fucked everything up, all cause you couldn't grow up! Why was you fucking with my brother? What were you thinkin?"

"Willy told him to come, not me! Willy said he needed some money an-"

"My brother ain't need shit! He's a fuckin' cop! You stupid?"

I looked at Ollie in disbelief as she nodded her head. She nodded like a proud mama whose inadequate son finally added two plus two and made four. Finally started to connect some dots...

"Why me though? Why he set me up?"

"You got me pregnant and ran off like a bitch! Why not you Alex? Why the fuck not?"

"Ay, we ain't never talked to each other like this, can we keep it respectable? Please?"

Through her raggedy ass weave and bumpy skin, she started to look like the old Olivia. Somehow. I could tell she tried to fix herself up a little bit before she came over. The lip gloss, the eyeliner... She tried but, all she ever had to do was take care of herself. She didn't need all that. I roamed her body with my eyes, looking at  miscellaneous names inked all over her skin. Roses and hearts faded, just like our future.

"So you wana get back with me Alex?"

TPL 17

I looked at my baby in awe. I couldn't believe how much she looked like me. I reached my hands toward her and she reached back. Its like she knew who I was.

"When is her birthday?"

"I saaaid do you wana be with me?"

"I'm tryin to get to know my baby, why is you actin' like that?"

Ollie stood up and twisted the baby around her hip. She bent down to kiss me. Her lipgloss tasted like berries and her mouth tasted like spoiled garbage. I pulled away from her.

She popped back and twisted Alex to her other hip.

"Why the fuck is you actin' like I'm the one who left you to have a baby by yoself? Why you judgin' me?"

"I'm not judgin' you."

I was though. I prayed for Ollie damn near four, maybe five times a day. Why would God let this happen?

I was lookin' for the old Ollie. I was looking for the barely eighteen Ollie. Ollie with the bad ass body, the beautiful face, and the personality to make a nigga drop all of his hoes. I was lookin' for the life in Ollie, not the twenty year old project veteran Ollie. Toledo had a way of makin' or breakin' a muthafucka, that was nothin' new. I just never thought Ollie would get broken like that... She used to be so strong. It made me think of Nita. Nita was probably solid as fuck before she got sucked in.

"Nigga you just gon' sit there with that dumb ass look on yo face?"

"Don't you got a nigga?"

"Naw... I got friends."

"What that mean Ollie?"

"It mean I miss you Alex, damn! What you look good now, so you think you better than me?"

"Nah, it ain't nothin' like that. I just don't know you no more."

"I'm still me. I'm still Olivia. I just fucked up."

"What happened to you?"

Ollie put the baby in my lap and started to cry. It reminded me of the day I saw her last. Her tears was a nigga weakness and I hated that shit. I still cared about her, I just didn't know if I could accept the new her. I didn't know if she would be able to accept the new me.

"Ollie, you know I love you right? We can try this shit but we gon' have to get some shit established. I ain't that young nigga and I'm not 'bout to be on no dummy shit."

"I need to tell you somethin' first Alex."

TPL 18

I didn't really want to hear anything she had to tell me. I didn't think my thoughts could get any worse when it came to Ollie. They did though.

Ollie told me that she just had my daughter on the weekends. She said she lost custody of Alex and her mama had custody. I guess she just started being able to keep her on the weekends.

.
The only thing that could justify a grown nigga droppin' to his knees and crying like a bitch, is finding out that he didn't protect his only daughter.

"And when I woke up he was in her room Alex."

"Stop, please stop talkin'. Please."

"That's not all. Just let me finish cause you need to know. You sent Willy to check on us when he got out-"

"No, no, no I didn't. I wouldn't send Willy to do shit for me. I never spoke to the nigga after that shit went down. They don't even let inmates talk to each other. Nigga was in a different facility."

"Weeeeell OKAY, he told me you sent him, OKAY! He started coming around, giving me money and helpin' with Alex. I thought it was nice of him, okay. They got him though. They got him. My brothers handled his ass after I caught him."

"Ollie what is you sayin' to me right now? What is you sayin'?"

"You wasn't around Alex!"

"Oh, so you fuckin' with my nigga like I was doin' life and you didn't protect my daughter? This my fault? So you ain't gotta do shit as a mama huh? You ain't have no part, huh? You just fuck around and live yo fucked up life while my daughter gettin' fucked with? That's what you tell yoself Ollie? You ain't do shit? I swear to God you just like Nita! You ain't shit but another project hoe!"

Nita knocked on the door as Ollie reached across Alex and started hittin' me all in my face.

I didn't mean to push her that hard... I swear to God I ain't mean to.

TPL 19

Tarta bus full of bad ass kids. I felt like an old man even though just two years ago, it was my bad ass cuttin' up. I left out early to go job hunting. Spent my whole day putting applications in.

I hadn't talked to Ollie since she was at the house. I didn't know how to fix this to be honest. The only thing I could do, was stay focused on bettering myself and hopefully be able to give my daughter a better life. I sent JB a letter, lettin' him know a nigga was doin' alright. And I was alright too. I wasn't gon' let this crazy shit take me out.

I stepped off the bus and started to make my way to Mr. Hero. I hadn't eaten anything since I been out. I ordered my food and sat the fuck down, stomach was singin' old negro spirituals getting ready for this moment.

At first I thought I was trippin', then I heard a giggle after I felt hands rub my back and across my neck. Shit felt good... Gah damn. My dreads fell out of the four strands I used to tie it up. Two years could make a handshake feel like a invitation... Who the fuck was tryna get it?

TPL 20

I looked around me, and KeKe still had hold of my hair. She was smiling showing a set of perfect white teeth. Thick shiny lips spoke around her teeth and her brown skin glowed, highlighting her high cheek bones and almond eyes. Bitch never looked that good when we were younger. She had claw nails painted black and thick curly hair piled up into a ponytail. I couldn't help notice everything about her cause my dick was tryna have a conversation with her even though I wasn't.

I looked down at my sandwich and took a bite big enough to keep my fuckin' mouth shut.

Keke had on tight ass jeans showing me every curve of her pussy. She sat down, still smiling.

"Wassup boooo, you lookin' good these days!"

"Wsup?"

"How you been?"

"I'm blessed."

"Damn, did I do something to you?"

She was right, I didn't have a reason to be actin' like that.

"I told Ollie to bring the baby to see you, did she come through?"

"Yeah she did, shit didn't go so well."

"Why not?"

"Found out a lot of shit I wasn't ready for?"

"Yeah, she caught up. Them niggas got her thinking she making real money and she just barely getting by. She need to go to college and take care of Alex. Poor baby."

"Wait, what is you talkin' bout?"

Keke pierced her lips together, like she purposely said to much, on accident. That's what her type do.

"My bad, I thought that's what you was talkin' bout."

"What's the "that" you speakin' on. You might as well gon head and say it."

"Why did you quit fuckin' with me? Was it her?"

I looked in her eyes. Even though she switched the subject on me, I gave her what she was lookin' for.

"Yeah, she wasn't as wild as you."
"I just did what I thought I had to do to make you like me."

She looked down and started adjusting all the rings on her fingers.

"I know shit fucked up with you and Ollie, and she got a nigga. I've always been here. I still am. Call me if you need me."

She wrote down her number and kissed me on my forehead. She bent down enough for me to see her titties poppin' out her bra. She smelled good. She was something like what I expected Ollie to be when I came home.

"Ay," I yelled to her still eating my food.

"Why don't you sit down and eat with me if you ain't doin' shit."

"Let me go get my order, I'll be right back."

TPL 21

After we ate, she offered to shoot me to the spot. Of course I let her. It was cool talkin' to her. It took my mind off of Ollie for a minute. Keke worked at St. Vincent hospital as an LPN. She had a nice little car and seemed like she had her lil' shit together.

When we pulled up to my mama's house, first thing I noticed was niggas goin' in and out. Nita was arguin' with some old nigga over four dollars. All I could do was shake my damn head in disbelief.

Keke smiled and was embarrassed right along with my ass.

"You wana go chill at my house for awhile?"

"Hell yeah, let's do that."

She pulled up to some fancy ass apartments out the way. I wasn't even familiar with this side of town. She said it was in Maumee. Shit, I ain't never go much further than the North.

She unlocked her door and I was honestly surprised. Shit was a major turn around from how she grew up.

All black furniture, black rug, glass tables, and a big ass TV in that bitch. Shit, I didn't even remember Ollie having a TV in her shit.

"Come in, sit down. Get comfortable. Can I get you anything?"

"Nah I'm straight."

She disappeared in the kitchen and poured her a glass of wine. She offered me some and I declined. Keke walked over to her TV and turned it on while passing me the remote.

After the first ten minutes of wishin' Ollie was livin' like this, I stopped wishin' and just kicked back. I got real comfortable when Keke disappeared and came back wearing a cut off T-shirt and a pair of panties with a old ass head scarf... It wasn't even no sexy panties. Just regular. Black. That shit was even more sexy. Bitch wasn't even trying.
TPL 22

Keke sat down and sipped her wine. She was talking to me about her job and shit.

She raised up and walked to the kitchen. I could hear her drawer slide open and it made me think of slidin' my dick in her coochie. Keke was fuckin with my mind bad. She came back in with a lighter. She started lighting candles on her end tables while she talked to me about something. I couldn't focus because every step she took, made her thighs slap and her booty jiggle.

I tried to watch the TV to ignore her, but after a few minutes I remembered she turned that muthafucka off to turn some music on like twenty minutes ago. Damn...

She sat back down and after a minute of trying to keep my dick in line with Gods will, I realized she was laughin'. Wait. She was laughin' at my ass.

Keke got up and threw one of her thighs around me, then the other followed. I don't remember her being that damn thick in her wildest dreams or mine.

She pressed her pussy on me while playin' in my hair, then laughed like she didn't feel my dick shoot up like a bottle rocket. It was the fourth of July in this bitch and she tryna play beauty shop.

I swear I didn't wana fuck this girl, and I never turned down pussy. Not on purpose. The only reason I ever turned down pussy, was when a bitch had too much mileage- of niggas I wouldn't even hit the blunt after.

She grabbed my dreads and giggled, while I was trying to remember the Lords parables. Every time she raised her hand up I could see the bottom of her titty. My eyes was zoomin in like a DSLR tryna catch a nipple... At the same time trying to stay saved.

Jesus was on the mount. Or was it a boat. Nine fruits of the spirit. Let my people go! Bethlehem, Galilee...

Keke rubbed her nails against my hairline in the back of my neck... I felt electricity go straight to my dick from my neck.

This bitch had superpowers!

TPL 23

Keke started to unzip my pants. Her slender brown-black fingers rubbed my chest with one hand as she unzipped with the other. She laughed all the while. She pulled my dick out of my boxers and started dry strokin' me.

She leaned forward to kiss me while she stroked. I grabbed her hand as soft as I could. I kissed her back while pushin' my dick back in my boxers. Easier out than in.

I zipped my pants back up and she started poutin'. I laughed.

"Fix yo face girl."

"Wow, you still don't want me?"

"Nah, I do. But you my daughters cousin now. As much as I want you, I can't do shit this way. I wana fight for my baby. I wana see her."

The strong arch in her back slumped into a hunchback curve. Keke tilted her head and looked at me in my eyes.

"I guess no matter how beautiful I try to be, no matter how hard I work, a dark skinned chick will always get pushed over for a light skinned chick... No matter how foul or messed up she is. She'll always be better."

Keke attempted to get up. I gripped her by her small waist and pulled her close to me.

"Now you know it ain't no shit like that," I whispered to her. "You beautiful. I just wana do the right thing. I don't wana mess up my chances of seeing my daughter."

"How will I mess that up?"

Her eyes started to form beads of tears. I knew how this shit went. Them beads of tears turned into busted fire hydrants.

"If Ollie found out we were together, she would be hurt and try to do everything possible to keep me away from Alex. I can't have that.

Keke laid her head on my shoulder and wrapped her arms around me. I could feel her nipples pressed against my chest. I still wanted to fuck. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

"If it wasn't for that, would you be my man?"

"I would definitely be yo man... If it weren't for that.

"There may be something I can do, Alex."

TPL 24

After Keke offered to start picking up Alex, we went to the bedroom. She fell asleep on my chest and I held her. It was the least I could do cause I seen she was lowkey pliable as fuck. She would do anything I wanted but I wasn't tryna use her.

I laid up all night tryna think of a plan. I didn't have one though. I never been no daddy, never had no daddy. All I could do was flow with what I knew.

Keke woke up around five and made a nigga breakfast. I hated that she was so official. I needed a solid muhfucka on my team for once. As much as I wish I could say Ollie was that, she couldn't go two years widout fuckin' my nigga and losin' custody of my daughter. That shit wasn't solid. She wasn't solid.

Keke told me I could hang back and chill til she got off work, but I was cool. Wasn't really in a place to be lettin' myself get comfortable.

I got dropped off at the library downtown. That was always a central location for Toledo niggas. Some niggas spent the day down there in bum bitches faces after tellin' they bitch they was goin' to look for a job. Some niggas actually did go lookin' for a job but it wasn't too many. I was young but some of these niggas downtown doin' the same shit at thirty that they was doin' at twenty.

I started walkin' through the isles til' I found what I was lookin' for. I sat the stack of books at the table and started from page one until I had what I needed.
TPL 25

After spending the day in them books, I made a hard decision. I had to quit fuckin' with Nita. I loved my mama. I swear to God I would have givin' my life for her to have another chance to live right and be normal, but I didn't have that option. All I could do at this point was separate myself.

Against my better judgement, I forced myself to call Keke after I remembered she wrote her number down at Mr. Hero's that day. I asked her could I stay one more night and could I borrow thirty dollars. She asked me was that all I needed. I wish y'all could have seen my face. This girl was the shit a nigga dream of...

Keke came and picked me up. She took me to grab my lil shit from Nita house. When I told her I was cuttin' her off, she offered to let me stay with her no strings attached. I kept the offer in my back pocket but I didn't really think that was the route I wanted to go. I wasn't tryna lead her on.

When we finally touched down, Keke acted like I wasn't even there. We went in, she went and showered. She changed clothes and turned on music. She put on Maxwell cryin' ass and went in the kitchen. I popped open the books I had gotten from the library and decided that if she wasn't payin' me no mind... I wasn't payin' her ass no mind.

I kept lookin' up to see if she was gon' say something. She didn't say SHIT!

Lightweight fucked my head up a lil' bit.

TPL 26

You ever been over somebody house, and they cooking somethin' and got it smelling good as fuck, but they got like thirteen bad ass kids runnin' around so you not finna ask for shit... Yo mouth just water and you get a lump in yo throat while they standin' there talking and not offerin', like shit sweet...

Yeah, that's how this bitch had me feelin'. I was smellin' chicken and shrimp and all kinds of shit. A nigga had that good jail nose. I smell everything. I wasn't gon' ask for shit though. I damn near wanted to leave just off the strength that she wasn't talkin' to me. I started plannin' my exit from way out here. I didn't mind walkin'.  Cause see, as soon as a bitch think you need her, that's when she start actin' fu-

I looked up while I was callin' Keke all kinds of bitches in my mind. She was pullin' a foldin' table to me and setting down silverware. She brought out a plate full of all the shit I knew I smelled, then asked me what I wanted to drink.

What the fuck kind of fuck shit is tryna do to me?

She brought a can of pop and a glass of ice, she stood there and poured it in the glass.

I swear to God if I didn't end up with her, any bitch that wanted to fuck with me had to stand in front of me and pour a can of pop into a glass. On my mama....

TPL 27

I didn't really know how to take Keke that night. She didn't try to push up on me or no shit like that. We ate and she chilled, scrolling her phone and light conversation while I read.

The next day she handed me two twenties and a ten. She handed me her spare key and told me to go and go as I needed. She kissed me and gave me a hug, tellin' me she was here for me as much as I would let her be.

I grabbed a phone book and made a few calls. I showered, got dressed and headed out with my paperwork.

I showed up early in the morning, it was cool cause I started walking. I didn't know the rules so I ended up waiting for a few hours, then caught Keke on her lunch break to use her car.

After about six hours waiting, ya boy had his muthafuckin License! Yeah boy! I couldn't stop looking at my new license. It was the first one I ever had.

After I got my license I got on the bus and headed back downtown. I turned in the books I had and caught the shuttle out to Owens college.

By the time I made it back to Keke's apartment, I had my license and enrolled in school for nursing. Now, I know a lot of niggas didn't do nursing shit, but I needed stability and I ain't have time to fuck around with something that wasn't gon' bring me no for sure money. I had to do a year of extra classes because my GED scores wasn't that high, but in three years I would be making enough money to support me and my daughter. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do before you can do what you wana do.

TPL 28

I just wanted to make the right decisions. I swear that's all I wanted to do...

A few weeks had passed. I didn't start school for another month so I had a little time to get some shit situated. I still hadn't messed with Keke and she had my back like we was together. She was like my best friend. I told her everything. Everything except what I was about to do.

I called my mama to check on her. She said that she was cool and that she needed some money. I told her I was still looking for work, but when I got a job I would help her. She called me a bastard, said I wasn't good for shit... I was used to that. She ended up telling me that Ollie had come by a few times.

Of course, I made my way to Ollie. When I went to see Ollie, she didn't have anybody at her spot. It was clean, and she looked better than the last time I saw her. She had her hair done, her face was healed up. She looked a lot like the Ollie she used to be. Alex wasn't there but it was alright because she wanted to talk and I was game fa' dat.

"I know I fucked up Alex. I know I did. I'm trying to change."

She went on to tell me that she was plannin' on goin' back to college and shit. She cried her muhfuckin eyes out beggin' me for a chance to be a family. Ollie got down on her knees. I thought she was tryna suck my dick to be honest.

"Alex can we please be a family?"

She pulled a ring out on a nigga. She really askin' me to marry her ass.

TPL 29

Her eyes looked so tired. I felt bad. I was part of the reason she was fucked up. She needed me and I let her down. I should have been there for my daughter.

I grabbed the ring and looked at it. My mind couldn't help but consider all the things that the ring meant.

I sat it down on the table, "Ollie you know a nigga love you."

She put her head down and grabbed my hands. I couldn't see her face but I felt her tears on my hands. Her body started to shake and her cries turned into loud ass wailing. Now see, I felt bad but now she was doin' too much.

"Ollie, let's just slow down okay. We ain't even there yet and I think you know dat."

"Please Alex, please! I need you."

She put her head in my lap and started telling me that she knew where I was stayin'.

"Is this a jealousy thing? I'm not with her, I'm not fuckin' her aight!"

"Why the fuck would I believe that Alex?"

"Ay, you ain't gotta believe me. I ain't got shit to prove to you Ollie. You fucked up. Willy? Willy though? For real? We talkin' track records, let's do dis then!"

"No! I'm not tryna go there wit'chu! I just want my fuckin' family! Oh my God!"

I pushed her hands away and got up. Talkin' to Ollie was a mistake. I should have known better.  Ollie was all about self. She really wasn't tryna talk about gettin' custody of Alex. She was just hung up on me not fuckin' with Keke.

"Keke told me she's pregnant. I know everything my nigga! You fake as fuck!"

"Two years fake Ollie, or was that you?"

With that I just walked away. Ollie wasn't givin' up that easily though...

TPL 30

Ollie walked over to me and looked up at me. She grabbed my hands and covered them with her hands.

"Daddy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Ollie pushed her body against mine. She rubbed her hands across my chest.

"Where all these muscles come from?" She started laughin'.

I didn't laugh. I didn't find shit funny.

"I'm just nervous Alex."

"When you left, I gave up on life. Seeing you, knowing you out, I feel like, I can live again. I'm sorry."

Ollie's eyelashes let out tear in each eye. I couldn't deny my soft spot for Ollie. She's what I prayed about for two years. I planned on marrying her as soon as I got out. I knew that I was growin' feelings for Keke though.

Ollie turned around and leaned her head against me. She pushed her ass against me while she grabbed my hands to wrap around her body. He body was soft. As soft as she was before. Ollie swayed back and forth against my dick. She felt me, and I felt her.

She turned back around grabbed my shirt. She pulled me towards her and I kissed her. Her tongue tasted like it used to. Her scent made me take a deep breath. She used to be too much to handle because I was obsessed with her. I could smell her obsession for me now.

She pulled back and licked my lips. She licked my lips like she was in her own world.

She lifted her shirt up and threw it to the floor. She turned away from me unsnapping her bra in one motion. I could hear her pants unzip before she pushed her jeans and panties to the floor. She bent over and the hair from her pussy   peeped at me from the curve of her ass creases. She turned around covering her stomach with her hands and forearms.

Her black nipples sat on her pale skin, they squeezed together between her arms. I reached down to push her arms away from her body. I needed to see what she was hiding.

Her arms at her sides now, and her standing there embarrassed biting her bottom lip... She showed all her pain and struggle in every black stretch mark that had taken over her once flat toned stomach.

"I'm ugly."

I got on my knees. I grabbed Ollie by her hips, and kissed her stomach. I kissed her stomach all the way down to her pussy.

I lifted her thigh up... I knew better but... It was Ollie.

Her smell was so familiar to me, I couldn't remember why we had been apart. I couldn't remember anything. I opened her up like a muhfuckin bag of chips...  And she wanted me now, more than I ever remembered.

TPL 31

Ollie pushed my head away from her pussy and pulled me up toward her.

"Daddy just fuck me, I need you. Come here!"

I guess Ollie wasn't on it like she was back then. Before I got locked up she would open her pussy and push my head in circles for a hour and still don't give me no pussy.

Ollie turned around and moved her ankles. Her ass started clapping, and that's when I knew I was done.

My dick was in my hands ready to long stroke this bitch... That's when I saw the tattoo on her lower back. That muhfucka said 'David Lamont' with two cherries and a tongue. Then a nigga looked on her shoulder blade and saw 'Tony!'

Maaaaaan she was clapping her ass and playin' with her pussy while I was pushin' my dick back in my boxers. Hell naw.

"I'm sorry Ollie. I can't do this. I don't feel the way I used to feel. I'm sorry."

TPL 32

The lights are buzzin' so fuckin' loud! Lord please! Please! Ollie stood over me. She looked concerned and satisfied at the same time. I never thought it would be like this. Love is a powerful but dangerous thing.

Some people will do anything when they feel justified by love.

I feel like I can't breathe. So many doctors. So many nurses.

I kept going over everything in my mind asking myself. Would I have done anything differently. I don't know! I don't know!

After I left Ollie that day, I went back to Keke, I asked Keke could she let me talk to her without being mad. She said yes.

I told Keke everything that happened. I mean everything!

She told me that she understood and it had to be hard for me. It was hard. It was hard as fuck but I had to stop hangin' on to the fact the she was the mother of my only child.

I had to stop holding on to the little memories I had and the hopes from when I was locked up.

I told Keke that I was torn in between her now and Ollie then but I finally decided it was time to move forward.

I spent the next year bustin' my ass in school. I dropped Owens and went to a program through the public school system to just get my LPN. Keke helped me get that hooked up. She said it made more sense to make money while pursuing a degree in nursing.

I linked up with Ollie's mama and started working on helping raise Alex. My daughter was finally turning into a daddy's girl.

I graduated, I started working with Keke at St. Vincents. She plugged a nigga in and we started planning to move into a house the following year.

Before we moved, I felt it was only right to do things properly. That's when shit started going worse than it ever had.

I had gotten close to some of Keke's people. Some of the family understood, and some of the family was mad as fuck. See, they didn't know the history. They didn't care.

It was a warm summer night. July twenty-second. Keke's birthday. We just found out that she was about four weeks pregnant a day or two prior.

We decided to have an announcement and birthday celebration at the same time. What Keke didn't know, was that I was about to ask her ass to be my wife.

TPL 33

There she was. Looking as sexy as ever. She walked in the hall wearing an all white dress that fit her body like a glove. She had her hair pulled up in her classic curly ponytail with her little short curly hair framin' her face. She had Alex's little hands in hers and she wore some little cute all white outfit matching Keke's. Same hairstyle too.


Keke's family was there. Mostly her immediate family. Mostly muhfuckas who respected what we had. The whole scene was so on point. She had that muhfucka decked out with white and purple. White and purple everything. The set up was catered. Chicken, greens, macaroni.... Man y'all know how that soul food set up go, and barbeque. She had her little table set up with gifts. She was shinin'!!!

I couldn't wait to see the look on her face when I got on my knees...

And I couldn't wait to make Keke my wife. She proved herself to be the woman that should be my wife. God blessed me with her. I know he did.

TPL 34

We danced all damn night. We laughed and had a good time. Ate good! We had a ball! Shit if she did this for her birthday, I couldn't wait to see was gon' do for mine cause she loved my ass to death!

It was time for the birthday girl to blow out her candles and get ready to turn the fuck up before the night ended.

I stood next to her holding Alex in my arms. She looked at me and thanked me for being there and making it the best birthday she ever had. She made her announcement that me and her was gon' have a baby. Everybody clapped and cheered. Shit was great because even I never had that kind of love. I felt lucky to be able to sit at Keke's table and get the crumbs of the live she got from her people. It was more than I ever had... Shit.

She hugged me and said she appreciated a nigga just bein' around and I loved her for it. I stopped her from cutting the cake while she had everybody's attention.

I reached in my pocket and pulled out the box. I got down on one knee after I put Alex down next to me.

"Ke'Landra, you been more of a anchor, more than a rock. You've been more than the earthly concrete that I needed to build my foundation on. I know for sure, that God made you to fit me like you do. I know that God made you, just for me. We had a rough start, everybody didn't agree with our love... But God does. God agrees. If you would be my wife, I promise to make sure that you keep that same smile on yo face, that you have right now. Ke, would you be my wife?"

As tears ran down her face and she shook her head yes so hard, I thought her head was gon' pop off. I couldn't help but notice an uninvited guest standing in the background. Its like God illuminated her to me as a warning. I don't even know she got in. I could tell it was some last minute shit because she was wearing leggins with slits in the thighs, and a men's undershirt while everybody else had formal clothes. Ollie was standing there with her eyebrows raised and her nostrils flaring. She had one foot in front of the other with her arms crossed. I swooped Keke up into my arms and looked away from Ollie. I didn't want her to know that she made my gut churn...

TPL 35

After she accepted my proposal and got wind that Ollie showed up uninvited, Keke was so damn pissed off. Keke hunted her down, while I chased after Keke. When Keke found her in the women's bathroom, all hell broke loose. Shot got so crazy. Keke put everybody out the bathroom. Ollie screamed at Keke and Keke screamed at Ollie. I finally got my arms wrapped around Keke and walked her out even though her strong ass kept trying to push me off of her.

I could hear Ollie screamin', "Yeah bitch! Take my leftovers! My sloppy seconds bitch!!"

I took my family home feeling like all this shit was my fault. Keke told me it wasn't and that Ollie wasn't doin' all that rah rah shit when she fucked me after I was with her in the first place. Hell, that made a nigga feel worse actually.

Everything was calm for a few days. I figured Ollie was just blowin' smoke. Until I went and picked up Alex from Ollie's mom. Ollie's mom told me that Ollie been actin' crazy and havin' fits of rage. She had an apologetic look on her face. I figured she was just sad about her daughter bein' fucked up.

Then I realized that wasn't it. She was sad for Alex. She lifted Alex shirt while she smiled at me and hit me with her sippy cup...

Damn.

TPL 36

Alex had scratches all over her back. Deep scratches. All over her arms.

Dried blood sticking to the shirt.

"Did you take her to the hospital?"

"Naw, I'm scared for my baby."

"Yo baby?"

"She's just not herself right now Alex! You know this is hard on her!"

"What about my daughter though? This ain't hard on her? Look at her back!"

I took Alex to the emergency room that day. They reported it to CPS. They didn't do much more than than because there was already an ongoing case.

Ollie's mama didn't let me pick up Ollie during the next few visit, but I would drive around Ollie's and sure enough, she was at Ollie's like clockwork. See, at first she let me split weekends with Ollie... I guess when I took her to the hospital it changed everything.

I sat outside of the apartment and watched Ollie damn near drag Alex across two parking lots into her apartment. I was starting to hate her. I know, know... I said I would never hate her, but she was a terrible mother. My daughter didn't deserve to be treated like that.

I was supposed to be at work in a few hours. I had a little time. I sat in the car. Looking in my rearview mirror. Looking at my own reflection. I felt pinned against the wall, just like I felt when I was locked up dreaming of a life with Ollie and Alex...

After an hour of bitterness swellin' up in my throat, I decided to go holla at Ollie. We needed a resolution.

TPL 37

I finally got out the car and walked to Ollie's apartment. Door was always propped open so it wasn't shit to get in the door.

I walked to Ollie's door and knocked. I could hear Alex babblin' to the cartoons playing. It made me smile. I loved my baby. I never knew I could love a person so much.

Ollie still didn't answer after two more knocks. I tried my luck. I turned the door handle. Open. Cool.

I walked in to see Alex on the couch. She lit up and started trying to get off the couch. Damn she was so smart.

I turned my head to the right because I caught movement out the corner of my eye.

Damn. Ollie laid out on her table ass naked, titties bouncin'! Getting fucked by the same nigga who jumped up at me the last time I was here.

As soon as the muthafucka looked at my face he stopped. Ollie jumped up covering her titties screamin'!

"What the fuck is you doin' in my house?"
Alex made her way to me and I picked her up.

The nigga pulled his sweats up and slid something off of the table. Before I could fully grasp the sound, he had a gun pointed straight at my face. The black hole screamed at me louder than Ollie. Ollie yelled at him not to shoot. She begged him. She cried. I turned just enough to put Alex behind my while holding her.

My eyes darted between his eyes and his index finger on the trigger.

"I just want my daughter. That's it."

Too much commotion. Too much screaming. I had to think quick. Would my thinking be quick enough?

TPL 38

I ran! I ran to my car and I heard the nigga pop at me but I never looked back! I never ran so fuckin' fast in my life!!!

After I went to the CPS office, they sent me to file a police report then told me to come back to them with the police report.

It was about one in the afternoon when I got a call from Keke. She said that her voicemails were full and she could hardly get her phone to stop ringing. I told her what happened and she said she knew something crazy had happened because she had been getting threats non-stop.

Later on that day, I sat down with Alex waiting for Keke to get off of work. I cooked dinner for us and I wanted Keke to relax before we talked about all that had gone on. I fell asleep with Alex after finally eatin and woke about two in the morning. Keke never came home. No missed calls. No texts. I called her phone and it went straight to voicemail. I was worried something bad had happened until I called Keke's mama. She told me Keke was there at her house asleep. She whispered into the phone that Keke didn't want to come home. My heart dropped to my feet.

Morning rolled around and I finally got in touch with Keke, she said she was scared for her and "her" baby.

"Oh so that's jus yo baby now?"

"I have to protect my baby, it's in my body so yes!"

I never saw this side of Keke. She was shadin' me bad. Why do she think I would let somebody hurt her?

TPL 39

Three days had gone by. Me and Keke barely spoke, I hadn't been to work because I didn't know what to do with Alex. Ollie's mama said she was going to file a kidnapping charge, and to make things even more fucked up, I knew that even though I wasn't wrong, I would be the muthafucka in jail because CPS wasn't doin' shit. The caseworker didn't return my calls, her supervisor wouldn't return my calls. I prayed and prayed. Everything was falling apart before I could finish building the foundation . I had to do the very thing I didn't want to do. I had to take Alex back and keep fighting the courts. I knew better. I knew a nigga didn't stand a chance if Ollie's mama filed a missing persons report. The police don't do shit to protect a kid but give them a reason to blow a nigga head off, they gon' do it!

I took Alex home to her granny. I went back to work. Keke eventually came home after everything calmed down. I can't lie though, I thought she was my rider and she left me hangin', that made me look at her different.

The air changed between me and Keke and it hurt a nigga. I mean, I respected her decision but the way she went about it was fucked up. She treated me like I was the enemy. She could have been like, "Okay daddy, I'm goin' to my mama's 'til I feel safe." I would have been good. I would have made sure she was cool and helped her pack a lil' bag. It seemed like no matter how much I chased God and his righteousness, I could never get it in my reach.

Ollie's mama wouldn't let me see Alex after I took her back at home at home. No calls from the caseworker, no court dates. I cried damn near everyday. In between shifts I drank. After work I drank. Keke still floated around like she didn't know me at home and work. I stopped going home at night after weeks of bein' ignored. A nigga got too many abandonment issues for that type of shit. I jumped from hotel to motel with different bitches from work throwin' me pussy. I mean, all I worked around was bitches. My heart used to ache for Ollie, and now it ached for Keke. She left me hangin' when I needed her the most.

TPL 40

I sat in the apartment. In the dark. I cried in between tryin' to get Keke to answer my calls. I knew I needed to chill out with all that extra shit I was doin'. I prayed. I prayed and asked God why me? I asked God what was the point. I asked God if He heard me. He never answered. He never answered when I needed Him the most.

Keke came in the door after the key jiggled a few minutes. Caught a nigga dead ass cryin'.

"Why you sitting in the dark boy?"

I didn't say anything.

She walked to me and turned the lights on. She sat down dropping her purse and taking off her lab jacket.

"Its not your fault but, I busted my ass. I worked hard to change what I hated about how I grew up. I don't like drama. People said I changed. I had to change my LIFESTYLE to change my life. All this has just been too much of what I ran from."

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to fix it."

"I've been thinking about terminating this pregnancy."

"Please! Please don't do dat to me! Please, I can't take another loss! I can't see Alex, I lost you... I can't take it. Don't kill me baby. Please!"

TPL 41

"I'm not. I wanted to do it but, I don't want us to be over. I don't want to hurt you either. I forgive you... For all the dumb shit you been doing. Don't think I don't know, because I do. I'm not stupid. I know why though. I'm hurt, but I'm strong. I've been through too much to not be strong. And I know where your heart is... We just having a rough patch... So you better handle all those loose ends."

I grabbed a hold of Keke and I promise I never wanted to let her go. I guess we was in the middle of a rocky place but see, I never had no long term serious shit like this. I never felt like this as a man. I didn't have no daddy to coach me and say boy you just having relationship problems. Its not gon' last. I never had that. I swear I learned somethin' from Keke everyday.

"Okay, let me up so I can feed yo cryin' ass! Is that why you cryin' cause you hungry?"

I held on even tighter. "Fuck that food."

I kissed Keke and she rubbed her hands across my chest pushing me away. "Mmm... Mmm... As much as we need to make up, you gettin' tested first!"

I didn't fuck no bitches without a condom, but I felt her. Whatever she wanted, however she wanted it, that's what it was gon' be. I can't do this life shit without her. She was too much a part of me.

"What do I do about Alex?"

Keke stood up putting her hands on her hips.
"I don't know baby. Call a lawyer. Do it now before the baby gets here while we can afford it."

I wish I would have done it sooner. Calling a lawyer the next morning would be too late.

TPL 42

I woke up at two in the morning. My stomach was fucked up. And it crazy because Keke cooked some healthy ass bullshit. I didn't even eat a lot. I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. A nigga figured he had to shit but after twenty minutes and numb legs, I knew that wasn't the case.

I paced the floor and went in a million circles. At three o'clock, Keke wakes up and asks me what I'm doin'. I told her something wasn't right. I could feel it. I hear a whisper in my ear while Keke was telling me to come hold her.

The whisper said "Get dressed," but it sounded like my voice.

"Ke, go get dressed."

My baby! She didn't ask no questions. She just did it. We both got dressed and sat on the couch. We waited.

After fifteen minutes had passed, Keke's phone started to ring. We both looked at the phone. Keke picked up the phone.

"Hello."

She looked at me and passed me the phone.

"Please! Please come here! I need you! Please! Please help me."

It was Ollie. Even though I didn't give a fuck about Ollie like that, she was the mother of my child. She told me where to go and me and Keke rushed out. Keke still loved her cousin even though she didn't fuck with her like that.

We hopped on the expressway and no words were spoken.

We pulled up to Ollie's apartment and Ollie was waiting by the front door.

"The police are on the way! My daddy called me."

Ollie was out of breath as she jogged trying to tell me that her mam said it was my fault.

"She said that Keke did it and you told her you were breakin' up with Keke. She said it was yo fault but she called me and said CPS wasn't takin' her. She won't move. Daddy told me she won't move. I'm sorry. You can take her. You and Keke can take her. I don't know how to love her right. I'll tell CPS."

Ollie was out of breath and I couldn't piece together what she was saying. We made it to her mama's door and she started banging and screaming.

Her mama peeked the her head out of the window. She waved a gun around. The first shot hit Keke. The second shot hit me.

Ollie screamed. Police sirens. Keke dropped. My shoulder turned red.

I should have grabbed Keke. I left her there. Like a cold hearted dog.

My daughter gave me the perfect love. I can't say I would have changed anything.

Another shot. Ollie fell. I dove through the window. Through the glass like it was paper. The final shot was when I grabbed Ollie's mama's gun and popped her between her eyes.

I can't say I would have changed anything. She was abusin' my daughter. The perfect love. She was the only one I couldn't replace.

TPL 43

My daughter was perfect and even though I loved Ollie, Keke, and my unborn child. There was nothing like the bond between a father and his daughter. It was my job to protect her. And she was with the monster who was hurting her.

CPS heard my plea. They called her and told her they would be removing Alex from her custody that morning. Ollie knew. She was miserable because she knew in her heart that her mama was doing the same thing she had done to her. She knew it in her heart when Ollie's mama first blamed me and Keke for the scratches. Then there was the broken arm I didn't know about. I wasn't able to see Alex, so Ollie knew what it was and reported it to CPS. We both were fighting to get her away from there. Except I was fighting just to see her. Ollie was fighting to protect her.

Ollie did fucked up shit. She knew it. She told me she was going to help fight for me to get custody. That was the best thing for her to do as a mother.

Ollie's mama drugged Alex with crushed perks. Ollie's daddy called Ollie.

Ollie didn't get hit. She's okay. Me, my shoulder got hit. I think my adrenaline is doing more harm than anything. Ollie just told me that Alex is okay. I'm fading and I don't know why. Ollie said Keke got hit in her arm. She's okay.

All these doctors and nurses. Why they trippin?

Why ain't Ollie with my daughter? Why ain't they making sure Keke is cool.

The hum from the lights. Its so fuckin' loud.

I'm tired.

God, keep me.

"Were losing him! Come on people!"

I looked down at my body. I didn't know I got shot in my chest too. I seen prayers going up in the air. I think Ollie was praying for me.

God! My daughter!

I opened my eyes and started to choke. Water in my mouth. No, blood.

TPL 44

I stood there. Looking at Keke. I looked down at Alex as she stood next to KeKe. Keke was crying so hard. I turned around and saw Ollie. She had a tears in her eyes, but we all understood. We all went through hell.

I looked down, thinking about everything that had happened. I questioned myself again. Just like on that hospital bed. My childhood was fucked up. My mama was fucked up. I was a bastard with no daddy. My mama never let me forget it. I been locked up. Shot. Broke. Depressed. Everything looked like it could never get better. I had faith though. I was actually crazy enough to believe God had a plan. I believed in forgiveness and all that shit they tell you not to believe in. The devil tried to break me every chance he could. But here I am.

I looked at Keke, still cryin'. Big stomach, carrying my son. My son who would never live the life I lived.

I wouldn't change any of it.

"I do."

"You may now... Kiss your bride!"

MY PART____________________________


See. People look at me, and they judge me. They don't fuckin' know me. They don't know what I been through. People don't know what it took for me to be able to watch my daughter's father marry my cousin. People don't know what it took to fight. To even be here. People don't know. They just judge.

When I was a little girl, I had to deal with being disliked by everybody. I mean every fucking body. If it wasn't because I was light skinned, it was because I had long hair. If it wasn't long hair, it was because I was just pretty. If it wasn't because I was pretty, it was because I was shy and people thought it was because I was stuck up. I had to imitate people around me to fit in. I had to do what they did to keep from gettin my ass beat and jumped all the time. But see, I couldn't pretend with my mama.  When I was younger, I didn't know how to pretend to fit in yet.

From my earliest age, I remember my mama calling me to her, giving me a hug, and then yanking my hair. I remember her giving me kisses and then telling me how ugly I am. All my brothers and sisters were cool. It was just me. Only me. I was the only one who got treated like that.

My mama said it was because I was bad. I wasn't bad. I didn't find out why she treated me the way she did until after she hurt my baby. I will never forget that morning. Never. For once, I just want somebody to know my part of the whole situation.


I went to school, and I always dressed better than everybody. A lot of the kids that I went to school with, I also lived around. I used to get jumped almost every day. Boys would take my book bag and run. Then if I told them to give me my stuff back, their girlfriends would punch me in my face. Yeah, I had a lot of brothers and sisters but the only one that gave a damn about me was my brother Lester. He tried to help me but he moved out when I was little. I was too embarrassed to tell my family cause all they was gon' do is say I must have did something first. School life was hell. And my mama made it worse because she would spoil me with whatever I wanted, but she never tried to treat me decent. She got her rocks off by secretly terrorizing me. My daddy worked a lot so he wasn't really around a lot.

I remember one time my mama told me if I go around my daddy she was gon' kill me. She said not to talk to him. She told me that he didn't even love me he was just nice cause she said so.

She told me she hated my voice and every time I talked it made her skin crawl. That's where my shyness came from. I didn't want people to hate my voice.

Things started to look up when we moved to the Cherrywoods and I got to be around my cousin Keke. Keke was fast but it didn't matter. She told me my voice didn't bother her. She stuck up for me when people bothered me. Seeing as how I didn't move far, I was still around the same bad ass kids. I loved my Keke.

Being around Keke got me out of the house. We ran the projects till curfew. The older I got, the more popular I got. I started to become my environment. I was mostly all talk, but I was finally accepted.


When I first met Alex, I could tell he was a player. I could tell that he wasn't serious about my cousin. I told her not to mess with him but she was fuckin' him and some other niggas. During that time, my home life was okay. It wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst. I basically went to school, then the library, kicked it with Keke and went home late night. We was still runnin' around... Doin' what young girls do in the hood.

I can admit, Alex was a cool ass dude. He looked dirty though. Keeping it real, my cousin did too. It wasn't they fault. It wasn't none of their faults. Shit, that be project life for a lot of people. But I still felt like my cousin could do better.

I didn't know Alex's story. He didn't stay around us, he just popped up every day. For whatever reason, he started dodging my cousin. Keke was only pressed because she liked to be the one to cut niggas off.

A couple years later, not many but a couple, Alex popped back up. He looked cute. He cleaned himself up decently. He was tryna talk to me but, I knew my cousin used to fuck with him so I was cool on him, but we still talked on the phone.

Well, I started going through some shit. My mama was talkin' about moving out of town because she lost her job and was tired of Toledo. Well, my mama decided that she was gone be a foster parent. For the life of me, I don't know who would give her ass some kids to take care of. Before I knew it, she had all these extra kids in our crib. Guess who was stuck taking care of them? Yup. Me.

I couldn't do SHIT! I was so tired, my straight A's turned to F's. I wasn't getting my credits to graduate. I was so stressed out all the time. Alex was always on the phone with me. He didn't know my situation, but he was a relief.

I asked Keke how she felt about him. She didn't give a fuck after all that time. She ran through the whole damn school. She was doin' her own thing. She was never pressed.



What really made me fall for Alex... The thing that really got me...  Okay, I almost didn't graduate. He didn't know why. He just knew I was struggling. That nigga pushed me. He pushed me so hard. My mama wouldn't buy my graduation package because she said her special needs foster kids needed stuff. I didn't know at that time, she was getting money for them kids and all their costs were covered. She lied to me. I didn't know then, I just knew I was hurt.

Alex, found out I wasn't going to walk because I could afford my package, he made it happen!  He got that money for me. When he did that, I knew I wanted to be with him.

This where Keke started changing. When she found out how much me and Alex actually liked each other, and he got my graduation shit, she was salty. She played it cool but I could tell she wasn't happy for me. I think she was more mad he spent money on me more than anything.

I lost my virginity to Alex. It was right before I graduated. I was in love with him, and he was in love with me. I was still stuck doing most of the work with my mama's foster kids. But Alex, my baby, he made life worth living. He was like my drug. We made so many plans. I trusted him. He told me we would be forever. We planned on traveling. He said he would go back to school and graduate so we could go to college together and get rich together. We had plans. But plans change...


I found out I was pregnant. I hated myself. I hated myself because I knew better, first of all. I knew that I didn't want kids. I knew for sure that I didn't want to have to be responsible for a while human life. I didn't have it in me to love a child. Am I wrong for that? Maybe. But I knew I was for sure wrong for knowing that and letting myself get pregnant. When I first told Alex he played shit like he was cool, but I knew he didn't want kids either. We wanted to enjoy our fucking lives.

When I told my mama, she kicked me out. She told me that I could stay there if I had an abortion, but she said I wasn't bringing no baby in her house. I mean, that's understandable, but damn! She told me I had three months to get a job and get out.

Alex started dodging me. If he would have sat down with me, I probably would have had the balls to get an abortion even though I had no clue of how to get one done. No, Alex disappeared. He didn't talk about it, he didn't offer suggestions. That shit killed me. I trusted him.

I wasn't in school so I was back to taking care of my mama's foster kids. No friends anymore because I was tied to kids, no Alex. Nobody. Even Keke shaded me when she got her new boo.

Out of the clear sky, Alex surfaced. He was in my house! I was so damn embarrassed! All them kids running around. Special needs kids barely being taken care of right. House smelling like a zoo. I didn't know who even let him in, but there he was.

He told me it was okay, he would be there. He would be a good man and daddy, he promised to marry me.

The next day, he would prove to be a lie just like he did before.


He ended up getting arrested. My brother set him up. Why? I don't know. I wish he would have made a different choice.

I was so damn depressed about Alex. I knew he was going to be locked up and miss our baby being born. I knew it would change everything. I knew I wasn't going to be able to start college and live on campus. Shit was rough and I resented Alex for leaving me.

Then the big put out. I was laying in the bed. I wasn't bothering nobody. Just listening to my music and trying to figure out what I was doing. I had been throwing up since six in the morning and had the worst headache. My mama came into my room and told me I needed to get Frankie dressed, make Sharese breakfast and go grocery shopping. Okay, just the thought of making breakfast made me want to throw up. Frankie was in a wheelchair and he would bit and scream when it was time to get him dressed. I told my mama I didn't feel good and she spazzed. If I would have known that she was going to spaz like that, I would have just did it. She started shredding all of my pictures after she tore them off of the wall. She opened up my window, she started throwing all my clothes out of the window. She took everything that I owned and put it out the window. I tried to stop her but I would never raise up at my mama.

My mama went out if the room and I was sitting there cryin'. Her ass had a knife and a hammer. She started hitting the dresser with the hammer after she shredded my mattress with the knife. After she yanked me by my hair she pushed me out of my room to the stairs. The only thing that kept me from falling down the steps, was my grip on the rail.

I walked to my cousin Kekes house after I tried to get some of my pictures and clothes.

When I got to Kekes apartment, my auntie opened the door and told me don't knock on her  no more. She said my mama already called her and told her.

"You not finna have Keke thinkin' she finna raise up at me!"

And with that, she slammed the door. And you know it was a big ass crowd!


I roamed around for a few hours. I hopped from house to house trying to play shit off but everybody saw my mama put my shit out. I stood outside of the Beer Dock, the corner store by where I lived.

I didn't have no money... Or anywhere to go. I don't know why I went out there. I just did. I was still feeling sick to my stomach and tired as hell.

That's why when this guy came out of the store talking to me, I just went with it. Its not like I had a better plan.

This is when I met David. David came out of the Beer Dock wearing all white, snapback, braids and fly as fuck. I was actually embarrassed. I looked like a dirty. I mean, I wasn't dirty but I usually didn't step out lookin' raggedy in general. I didn't want to holla at ol' boy, but I was desperate to just be somewhere that wasn't outside roaming.

He asked me why I looked so down. I just told him the truth. David had a lowkey tone of voice. He was as black as night with beautiful skin and a scent that would make a hoe panties float off.

David wore sunglasses and had a mild tucked behind his ear. He had long nails like most niggas who smoke weed. He was my height with a medium build... so I guess you could say he was short with muscles. He nodded his head and motioned for me to walk over to bone white Buick Regal. I walked over to him feeling like a fuckin' puppy.

He opened the passenger door and I got in...


David went to Taco Bell and grabbed something to eat. The smell was terrible but I tried to keep it together. He ate his food while he drove to pick up his friend. I knew I wasn't going to get along with his friend because he was hawkin' me from the second he got in the car. He introduced me as his new boo, and he introduced him to me as Tony.

Tony asked a thousand questions. Tony was brown skinned, husky, and loud.

David drove down by the water. Under the bridge on the East Side is where everybody in Toledo went to think, argue, drink, or just talk.

David put his hand underneath his seat and pulled out a ziplock bag full of weed. He pushed it under my nose and I pulled back.

"What you don't like that shit baby? We gone have to keep you away from them booty niggas."

He laughed along with Tony as they rolled some weed and listened to music. The whole car rattle from his speakers. It was annoying as fuck but better than the street.

After riding around for another hour while smoking, David pulled up to a house. I never been high but everything was spinning and I think I was high. I couldn't place where we were exactly but I knew we were on the East.

We got out of the car and David told me he would take care of me.

When I walked up to the house, the first thing I noticed was about four niggas on the porch drinkin'. I should have left right then and there.


I missed Alex so bad, I thought about what it would be like if he just walked in and came and swooped me up. That was just a fantasy. I always thought I saw him in stores and heard his voice in random places, but it was never him. Just my imagination.

When we went inside, the inside of the house looked better than the outside. It was decent and clean. More niggas, more females. Music playing, drinking, smoking weed. I was scared. I was scared to stay and scared to leave. I just looked awkward. I know I looked awkward cause I felt awkward. David sat down on the couch and told me to sit next to him. He was talking to everybody in their. He seemed to be the life of the party. Every time David got loud he would grab my thigh.

People started to leave after awhile. I still had knots in my stomach from being scared. I knew that the night was winding down and David was either gonna ask me where he was dropping me off at, or he was going to wana fuck. Alex was the only guy I was with. I didn't wana fuck anybody else.

After everybody left, I figured out that we were actually at David's house. Well, him and his girls house. Him, his girl and his seven kids.


So, it was his chick Sara giving me the evil eye. I didn't know why she was looking at me like she was but her and another chic was there after everybody took off. Sara switched around the house in between combing her friends nappy ass head. I didn't know the man had a family. I don't know why the fuck he picked me up but it made me feel a little bit better knowing he wasn't gon' be tryin' to fuck. I overheard Sara talkin' to her friend LaShana Robinson about David always trying to drag in an alley cat off the street.

After Sara finished Lashana's hair, she came over to me and started asking me questions.
David told her to fall back and she smacked her lips. His kids ran around the house fighting each other. It made me cringe to even be around kids. I hated kids. I really did.

David said he had to make a run and I was sitting there looking stupid. Sara walked up to me and put her hand on her hip.

"Why are you here?"

"Honestly, I don't know."

Lashana laughed, "Bitch you sound dumb as fuck!"

Sara looked at Lashana and laughed, then looked back at me.

"Get the fuck out of my house then!"

"You heard her hoe!" Lashana chimed.

I felt as dumb as I looked. I got up and walked out of the house.

I stepped out on the porch and even though I couldn't stand Tony, he was a familiar face that I was glad to see.

"Tony, why did David pick me up if he had a girl?"

"Aw shit, David cool wit errybody."

"Well his girl ain't. She just told me to leave."

Tony let out a loud ass laugh.

"That ain't his girl. Bof' of dem in the house is his sisters."

"They some bitches, they fuck wit everybody!"

He was laughing his ass off. He could hardly contain his'self.

David pulled up just in time. He walked up and asked me why I was leavin'. I told him why.

"Aw man, my sisters ain't shit. Keep yo ass away from them. Gone head and go back in. Let me holla at David real quick."

I walked back in the house and Sara and LaShana stopped laughing and looked at me to ask why I came back in.

I told them that David and Tony told me to come back in.

"Ohhhhh so you David and Tony's property huh?"

"No, I'm not."

"Bitch, calm down. You gone have to toughen up if you gon' be around here!!"

They started laughing again.

I tried to laugh to fit in but I didn't find a fuckin' thing funny!

Sara started yelling at her kids to sit down and I did the same. I sat my ass down and shut the fuck up.

Sara walked over to me... "Bitch you kind of cute. What 'chu w'ont with my brother?"

"We just friends."

Lashana busted out laughing. "Oh! That mean you tryna get that orangutan dick!"

These bitches were working my nerves so bad. I guess they could laugh at me. Better than getting beat up.

David came in and waved his hand for me to follow him and Tony. I followed even though I did feel like I shouldn't. David could get anybody he wanted... He didn't have to take shit.

When I went up behind them David opened a door and stopped. He extended his arm for me to go first.

I walked in the room and stood there. They both laughed at me.

"Sit yo ass down, why you so scary?"

"I'm not." I was. I was scared as hell but I sat down.

"Don't nobody come in my room, you safe. Damn girl!"

I sat down at a desk with a spinning chair. David had a nice room with a big bed. My eyes zoomed into the bed and I swear I wanted nothing more than to be in it. Without David. After Tony and David walked to the closet for a few minutes and exchanged words. There was a knock on the bedroom door.

Tony started moaning in a females voice and David followed along in a deep man voice.

"Y'all in there fuckin' ain't you! That bitch nasty!"

Both David and Tony started laughing.

"Bitch get away from my door wit'cho ugly ass!"

David gave Tony something and Tony left the room.

David grabbed the remote and turned the TV on. The volume was low and my chest started to pound louder than the TV.

"So what's yo story lil' girl?"

"I don't have a story."

"Okay, well, you looked out of place standin' outside the Beer Dock. I ain't stupid. You got a story."

My mind thought about Alex, my baby, my mama, them kids.

"I don't got no story. I just don't have no family no more."

"No more? They died? What happened?"


Me and David talked all night. I ain't known I could feel that close to somebody the way I felt with Alex. Okay, I know what you thinking. Bitch you gave him pussy cause he was nice?

No, bitch I did not. Okay. But fast forward a couple weeks.

David showed me how to go fill out for low income. He let me stay with him. He took me to go fill out application for jobs. He took care of me, like Alex would have. I know I should have been tryna see about Alex but damn! I had to try to be cool. How Ima be chasing a nigga locked up more than Im chasin my next meal and place to lay my head. No bitch! Okay.

Me and David did start fuckin eventually. I lived with him basically. I stayed in his room like it was my apartment. I think David felt like he had feelings for me too because that nigga didn't play about making sure I had what I wanted. I was cool as fuck with Tony too you feel me? It was no shady shit though. Just all friends.

So, mind you- only a couple weeks passed. I'm a secretive person okay? I told David what I felt he needed to know that night. No more and no less.

I was starting to care about David a little bit. One big secret that I needed to tell, was that my ass was pregnant.

It took me three whole days of trying to get it out.

David was so mad at me.

When I told David the truth about everything, he was mad at me. I felt so bad but I tried to tell him that just because we was cool didn't mean I knew how to tell him. At this point, I didn't even want no damn baby. I just knew I didn't have the heart to murder my child. I was confused. People act like you supposed to know everything and I was the first to admit I didn't know shit.

David left. He said he would be right back but he didn't come back. I sat in that room all day.

I finally ventured downstairs and of course his cacklin ass sisters were down there. I started to get to know them a little bit better but I still didn't like 'em after how they acted toward me.

After a short while of me sitting down there, they started to talk about what they were wearin' when they went out tonight and  who was gone be at this party in the Weiler Homes.

I ain't really pay that shit no mind... I just went back upstairs.

After a few hours David came back. He had some chic named Jiya with him. He told me he needed me to go downstairs for a minute, aside from that he didn't even speak to me.

I went downstairs. And his sisters had music playing, getting drunk, and smoking. I don't know where they kids were, but I didn't see any of 'em.

David and Jiya never came back downstairs so I went back up.

"Yes daddy eat this pussy! Yes! Mmm. Don't stop!" I could hear everything. I stood by the door for a few more minutes cause I couldn't believe this nigga just made me step out and fucked this bitch. Believe it bitch! He did it.

I slid down the wall holding my knees. I just cried.

Why did I even care?

I listened to her ask him if he missed her pussy. I listened to him tell her he loved her.
I hated myself.



I went back downstairs and Sara and LaShana
could tell that I was cryin'.

They said "Girl, don't worry about him, fuck him!"
And told me to just roll with them. David and Jiya still didn't come down so I did. I left.
We got in the car and they lit a blunt. Both of them told me to hit it and it would keep me from being stressed out. I was scared to but I was scared not to.

They told me to put it to my lips and breathe in. They told me I would cough a little bit but I wouldn't keep coughing cause I would get used to it.

I put it to my lips and started to breathe in. I felt like my lungs were on fire and thought my chest was gon' cave in and come up through my throat.

I sat in the back seat. My lips went numb. My whole body went numb. The music got louder and the ticking in the beat seemed to be in sync with my neck. I couldn't stop bobbing my head to the beat.

I could hear David's sisters laughing at me telling me I was fucked up.

We finally got to the Weller's and everything I did, I did without thinking. I was high. And nothing hurt. David fuckin the bitch I knew from the neighborhood. My mama don't want me. Alex left me. My cousin didn't give a fuck out me. My brothers and sisters didn't give a fuck. Okay. It was all okay.

Sara ushered me out of the back seat and we walked to the door. We were greeted by a light skinned chic who I would come to know as Jenn Ambitious


We walked and Jenn Ambitious introduced herself to me. She gave Davids sisters a hug and walked through the crowded room. I made my way to a piece of the couch because I could barely stand up. I was high as fuck. They had a house full of niggas and I sat next to a dude named JoJo who told me Jenn was a tattoo artist and doing tattoos for twenty dollars. The whole time Jojo was tryna dig all in my business and kept askin' me could he fuck.

My mind zoned to the music until Sara called me to her.

"You're up next boo!"

"But, I don't want a tattoo."

"Bitch yes you do! Its on me! We all getting the same thing. Our name and a rose."
Sara handed me the blunt and sat me down on the chair backwards.

I hit the weed and went numb again.

I remember looking at Jenn and her telling me I was pretty. I put my head down on my arms and "Alex & Ollie." And Davids sisters were laughing.

I don't remember leaving. I don't remember anything after that.

I don't remember how I got in Jenn's kids bed but I woke up at three or so, feeling like shit with my back burning.



I saw JoJo laying there but we was both dressed. His dick was out but I know ain't shit happen!  No bitch, I didn't fuck him okay. I went to the bathroom and tried my best to see why my back was burning. It burned on my lower back and my shoulder blade. Shit felt like somebody sliced a piece of skin off. I couldn't see shit.

I walked downstairs and some people were still there and getting tattoos.

"Hi Jenn."

"Hey."

"Where is-"

"They left. You passed out."

"Are they coming back?"

Jenn Ambitious ignored me. She finished giving some dude a tattoo and started talking to him like I never said a word to her at all.

I looked around and walked outside. I figured I would try to make my way back to the North end.

Why would they just leave me like that? David probably wouldn't even care that they left me like that. Nobody gave a fuck about me.

A few minutes into walking a car pulled up. Somebody I recognized at the party...

"Yooooooo!"

"Wassup?"

"You need a ride girl?"

"I'm cool."

"I don't mind."

I remember seeing dude at the party. He didn't say much of anything, if he did I couldn't remember.

I stopped and looked around. What the fuck did I have to lose.

I walked to the passenger side and he put the car in park and jumped out to open the door for me.

He introduced himself as Derrick Wade.

He seemed nice enough but at this point I didn't even care. Shit was all bad.

I asked Derrick if he remembered seeing me and how I got upstairs. He said that nigga JoJo took me me upstairs and he was watching me because he was worried about me. I told Derrick that I came with people I thought I could trust. He gave me the rundown on JennAmbitious, Sara, and LaShana.

Come to find out, they were all close, and all of 'em was fucked up. He told me I should stay away from all they evil asses. I asked him why he was there.

"Jenn is my baby mama. She would flip the fuck out if she knew I gave you a ride so don't say shit."

When we got to the Cherrywoods a few minutes later, I thanked Derrick before he reached over and kissed me. My mind was still fucked up and my reflexes were off, but I pushed him away. He rubbed his hand up my thigh and grabbed between my legs. I reached for the door handle and damn near fell out of the car.

I jumped up and ran towards Keke's apartment hoping I could sleep there for the night.



Keke and my auntie never answered the door. For the next couple of months I was in and out of shelters and getting into fights with how's I didn't even know. David's sisters and Jenn got me good. Real good. I walked around with David and Tony's names on me... All because a muthafucka didn't like me. I ran into Sara and she told me that she said to get the fuck out of her house, and since David and Tony had me come back in, I must be they property.

I was cold to the world. I didn't trust anybody. I didn't trust anybody and I didn't expect nobody to do shit for me.

I still hadn't talked to my mama and honestly I didn't want to. She didn't give a fuck about me.

Me and Keke got up with each other once in a while but not often.

I met this chic at the shelter, I didn't trust her all like that, but she was cool people. Her name was Mona Morales. She got her spot and let me stay with her as long as I helped put something on the rent.She introduced me to her cousin, and I started rockin' with him heavy. He taught me a lot of shit. He told me that I let people get over on me too much and he was right. That's how I got involved with Montez. He was fresh out of prison but I wasn't lookin' for no nigga so I didn't care. Montez had dreadlocs and had a lowkey vibe, reminded me of Alex in a way. Montez had a twin brother who didnt fuck with him, came with a crazy ass white bitch attached to him, but like I said- not my problem.



Montez, also known as Monty opened up his door for me too. He helped me start makin' a lil money just sittin' around niggas. He told me closed mouths don't get fed and I started to see that. My belly was starting to get bigger over time, but Monty told me that don't stop no show. Sometimes Monty would call niggas over, and I would kick it with 'em, play cards, and just use my mouth to have nigga's givin' me money. Monty told me don't fuck with 'em though. He told me to keep my body to myself cause my mouth and my looks was all I needed. By the time I made it to be about seven months pregnant, Monty asked me if I wanted to make some real money. Shit, of course I did. I was about to get my own apartment in the Cherrywoods and I wanted to try to start getting ready for my baby.

I found out I was having a little girl and I think seeing her on that screen looking like a real baby did something to me.

Around this time, I met this nigga named Hen. Henny was Monty's friend and he always looked out for me. He said that what Monty had me doin' was fucked up because Monty borrowed most of the little bit of change I made. Basically, niggas would give me money to watch me play with myself and shit. I wasn't fuckin' nobody but shit, Hen was right. Shit, I did need my money to get ready for my baby.

Anyway, Hen swooped me from Monty and got me together... I thought Monty was the truth, but Hen was a real nigga.


Now let me clarify what I mean when I say a real nigga. Okay, at first he was sweet as pie. He made sure I was taken care of at all times. He introduced me to expensive restaurants, nice clothes, heels, and important people.

Hen took me everywhere with him. The strange part about Hen, was that he did all that but he dressed like a regular nigga. He talked like a regular nigga...

Its like he had two personalities almost. He had the side when we were out at fancy places, then he had the side when we weren't. I didn't see both sides until after I started messing with him tough. Hen stayed in the streets and always knew what was going on.

Hen changed drastically after I had my baby. The first time that I really realized he was a real nigga, is when he did some nigga shit that I used to see in the Cherrywoods.

I finally got my apartment. I just had my baby, not even two weeks home. Hen came by and brought be some food and a few gifts for the baby. My mama found out through Keke that I had my baby and she started comin' around. She never apologized but I wasn't gone keep her from seein' her grandbaby.

Well I guess Hen didn't like that.



I never really saw Hen this mad. He came over with food and gifts, and had some dudes bringin' a bed for my apartment. He got me a TV as well. I don't know why he was so mad at me. Well, I guess because he knew the situation with my mom.

My mom was holding the baby for a bit and telling me how to take care of her because she was always screaming.

After my mom left along with the guys that were bringing the bed, Hen told me to put Alex in the room and close the door for a few minutes and that it was healthy to let babies cry.

I did what he told me to do. As soon as I walked out of the hallway toward the living room, I was on the floor.

It happened so fuckin' fast. Hen punched me in my nose. I fell straight back and hit the floor. He told me I was all kinds of dumb bitches running back to people who don't give a fuck about me. I laid there on the floor and I could feel blood gushing out my nose. My head hit the concrete floor and I felt like I did when I was high. I was dizzy, seeing double and really didn't process what was happening.

"Get up you stupid mothafucka."

I couldn't move. I heard Alex screaming over the little clock radio I had playing in the kitchen.
"Oh, you not gon' listen? You just gon' lay there like a dirty ass rug?"


I laid there crying. Hen kept yelling at me and the baby was still screaming her fuckin' head off. Hen yanked my pants of and shoved his dick in me. It hurted so bad I could feel my stitches bustin' while me called me stupid. He told me I deserved everything that happened to me because I let people hurt me.

"You must like it huh? Yeah! You love that shit! All y'all hoes the same. You love being a fuckin" victim! I should have made you sell that pussy out the gate!"

It hurt so bad. I was ripping and and I could feel  it.

"Please stop, it hurts! Please! I begged that muthafucka to just stop. He didn't. And I don't know when he did.

I think my whole body just shut down as I faded into blackness.

The baby's cries disappeared. And that day, I think my heart did too.



I woke up in the Hospital. Toledo Hospital. I started to panic because I didn't remember bringing Alex and I didn't know where she was.

A nurse rushed in and offered me comfort that my baby was with my mother who had just left.

I think I spent the next few days just crying and numb. I was mentally and physically tired.

My eyes were black, my face was swollen. I didn't look like myself. I didn't know who I was  looking at in the mirror.

Over the next few months, life got harder. I wish I could tell you that it got better but it didn't.

Life as a mother was a life I hated. I couldn't protect or take care of myself and a baby added to my life didn't make shit no better.

I walked around embarrassed by what I had become. I ain't never been the jealous type but, it was hard watching my cousin grow into a beautiful woman while I turned into an ugly stone. My heart had grown cold and that made it easy for Hen to pop in and out when he wanted to. He would fuck me and I would just lay there instead of fighting him. He continued to buy meaningless shit as he took over my house with his friends. He had me fuckin' all of 'em. They was all broke niggas and Hen turned me into his twenty dollar hoe. My apartment that I waited for all that time, turned into a flop house. I knew better than to stand up to Hen. That nigga would kill me.



I stood there looking at Alex. He looked so amzin'! I couldn't believe it. I stood there with a cigarette in my mouth. I looked so damn bad with my face all busted up. I knew that too much had happened. I knew that what we had would never be able to happen. He wouldn't love me after all that happened to me. I thought about this moment for so long and I just didn't want it to happen this way.

Hen was yelling at Alex and it scared me. I was scared of what Hen would do. I told Alex to leave. I told him to leave because I wasn't ready. I didn't know how I was going to tell him all that I needed to say.

After Alex left and it was real to me that he was out. I waited for Hen to leave and I cried. I cried and cried. Keke told me I should go talk to him and I planned to. I just didn't know how to tell him about what happened while he was gone. The main thing that I was worried about was him finding out about CPS and Alex.

Not long before Alex got out, his homeboy started kickin' it with Hen. Well, he made his way around when Hen wasn't there. He told me that Alex sent him a message, but not to say anything about it to Hen...

Willy told me that Alex was in love with somebody. He told me he still cared and sent him to look out for me, but that I should just let him move on and for me to do the same. That nigga lied to me. He lied about everything. When I caught him touching my baby, Hen took things into his own hands. The sad part about that, was that Hen wasn't upset for the same reasons I was. Hen said anybody coming through my house had to "pay to play."

It was fucked up. It really was. I hated myself for everything that happened and I didn't know how I was gone' face Alex and tell him that my mama called CPS on me. She said I can't just let somebody touch my baby and not report it.

After CPS came to my house, they said that they were going to put Alex with my mama. I cried and begged them not to but they said they wanted me to take parenting classes. They pulled up all my hospital records and dug all in my business.

I hated what my life became but it was who and what I was now.

Seeing Alex made me feel like he was gone save me. That ain't what happened though. I even asked that nigga to marry me. He didn't want me no more. He didn't love me. I figured he just didn't want to be tied down after getting out. That was until one of my other cousins came and swooped me up telling me that Keke was having a party and Alex would be there.

I thought I would be able to talk to him and fight for him. I wanted to let him know that together we could fight to get Alex home.

Too bad Alex and Keke announced they were expecting a baby and he proposed to her.



I went home that night, distraught. Fuckin' distraught. But that's what I get for being a fucked up person. I had a kid and let my mama down. I should have just helped her with them kids and my life would have been different.

Hen was waiting for me with me some nigga. Dude was fat as fuck. He was as fat, black, and funky.

I could deal with big, and I liked black. But fat, black, and funky was a bad combination.

After some small talk and some crack being exchanged between the dude and Hen, Hen motioned for me to get to work.

"But I'm not even gettin' nothing out of this."

Hen tilted his head to let me know he was about to go upside my head. Hen shook his head no and pointed at the couch.

"Take yo clothes off." Hen said to me as he pulled out a pipe.

"Get in up there!"

I climbed up on dudes fat ass while he sat on the couch. He pushed me up on his face and started moanin' while he slurped on my pussy. I turned around and looked at Hen. Hen was smokin' the dope he just got. Dope that my pussy was payin' for.  I got distracted immediately when fat ass shoved his fat ass sausage fingers in my ass hole.

"The fuck is you doin'?"

Hen yelled for me to shut the fuck up. After Hen finished smoking, he walked over to us.

"Now, she suck dick just fine! You sure about this?"

Dude said yeah and I watched Hen get on his knees and pull the man's dick out of his five x sized sweatpants.

I damn near broke my neck trying to look behind me.

I couldn't believe it. Hen was suckin' his dick while he ate my pussy. Hen sucked dick better than me. He slobbered and spit on his dick while he stroked it with his hands.

After a few minutes the nigga pushed me off of him and Hen stood up and pulled his pants down. He pulled a chair to him and bent over.

"Nah take it easy muthafucka!"

Fat ass pulled his pants down and rammed his dick inside of Hen's ass.

"Hen let out a scream before he started moanin'.

My stomach knotted up and I ran straight out the door. I left that bitch wide open. I couldn't take it.



I walked out without my shoes, jacket, nothing. I just walked out. I barely remembered to put my damn pants back on. I couldn't believe it. What was I doing? What has my life turned into. I walked thirty minutes with no shoes.

I ended up, without even thinking- at the Emergency room not far from my apartment. St. Vincents. I prayed to God I didnt see Keke or Alex. I checked in and waited.

When they finally called me back the nurse took my vitals. She asked me what I was there for.

I looked her in her eyes... I don't think I've ever been so honest in my life...

"I don't want to live anymore."

After a lot of talking and honesty, a vaginal exam and blood being drawn, I was escorted to a room that was hidden behind three security doors. A security guard sat outside of the room.  I took a shower and changed into hospital scrubs. I pulled back the sheets and blanket and climbed in the bed and laid on my back like I was in a coffin. For the first time since I left my mama's house. I felt safe. I was on the psych floor. With a security guard protecting me. I was on suicide watch.

A nurse came in and gave me some pills. I don't know what they were but it was the perfect fix to a nightmare that had lasted almost three years. I couldn't take anymore of life on my own.

The next day, my lab results came back. They came back along with more pills to go with my lab reports.

Chlamydia. Urinary Tract Infection. Bacterial Vaginosis. HIV. All positive.

I took the pills they gave me. None of the shit mattered. My life didn't matter. I didn't mean anything to anybody. All I had to do was help my mama with them kids and she would have helped me. That's it. I'm stupid. I should have just did what she said.

They tried to send me counselors and shit. I entertained them with my story. They said I was a victim and a 'sex worker'. I guest the shit they call girls forced into prostitution. I wasn't forced. That shit was my fault. I should have listened to my mama. I should have helped with them foster kids.


After a weeks of being in and out of the hospital I finally came out. They gave me a lot of information, appointments and pills. So many fuckin' pills. I think, in my mind the shit really didn't hit me. I just wanted to see my baby.

I went to my mama and told her everything I had been through. My mama cried so hard, I don't think I ever seen my mama show that much emotion. She begged me to forgive her. She said she wished she could take it all back. Nobody wished that more than me. I still hadn't dropped a tear.

I picked up Alex and I was so scared that I would see Hen or somebody else that I knew, I damn near dragged my baby to the house. I was carrying so much shit in my hands... I just wanted to get in the door without any trouble. I was worried that Hen would try to get me back for running out with the door open while he was gettin' fucked by that man.

The least of my worries were outside of that door. All my problems were waiting for me in the house.

I went in and sat everything down at the door. I put Alex on the couch with cartoons. When I went to clear off the table to get ready to cook me and Alex something to eat, there was Hen. In my apartment. He put his gun on the table and pulled my pants down. He pushed me on the table and started raping me. Right in front of my daughter. All I could do was cry. I knew that he would kill me and Alex. I kept telling Alex "Watch TV baby!" I cried and tried to just be quiet. Tears ran down my face.

My door flew open and Alex was standing right there in a matter of seconds.

He started yelling at me, accusing me of fucking in front of my daughter. I know I'm not a good mom but I swear to God I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that!



Hen grabbed his gun and Alex ran out with the baby. Hen looked at me and started getting his clothes on. He moved quick and rushed out of the door. I called the police. I called the police on Hen and reported him for raping me. The police caught that bitch not too long after.

I cleaned myself up and went to my mama's house to tell her what happened. She told me I was stupid for letting it happen. Like I just LET anything happen. She wanted to call the police on Alex but I begged her not to call them.

I told her I would get Alex back myself. I called Alex and Keke non-stop.

I called my caseworker and sat down to have a meeting with her. The caseworker told me that she had been doing some investigating and that she had a few concerns.

Apparently, the situation with Alex wasn't the only issue in the situation.



After a few days, Alex brought the baby back to my mama. My mama had a bunch of meetings with the caseworkers and I had Alex a little bit more than usual. I wanted to spend time with her anyway. CSB was getting ready to remove the foster kids she had in her house. Aside from not being taken care of properly, they said she had stuff on her record that they didn't have full knowledge of. They didn't tell me what those things were. They set a court hearing date for us to figure out what was going to happen to Alex. They were considering placing her back in my care! I was so happy!

When my mama found out she stopped letting me get Alex. It seemed like she wasn't even happy for me. And she wasn't!

She wouldn't let me see Alex! I was constantly bangin' on her door and calling her. I saw Alex leaving with her so that made me feel better. At least she was with her daddy.

Then my daddy called me in the morning. Early in the morning. He called me saying my mama was spazzing out and that Alex wasn't waking up. I made up my mind that even if they tried to take me to jail, I wasn't letting my baby go back with my mother!

After Alex and Keke showed up and my mama started shooting, I had a long talk with my daddy. That's when a lot of shit came out.



My daddy told me that when I was little, my mama didn't want to have me. He said that she wanted to do a lot of things that she wasn't able to do having us kids.

I was my daddy's only baby. I didn't know that my brothers and sisters had a different daddy. Nobody ever told me shit. Well, my mama was in love with her first husband but he was murdered. My daddy said that my mama wouldn't talk about it.

He said that when he came in the picture, mama was a real train wreck but he stayed around because my mama got pregnant with me. He decided to be a father figure for the other kids also.

"But see, ya mama treated the other kids better. I stayed with ya mama to keep my eye on you. One day, I came home from work. You was in a soakin' diaper and you had scratches all over you with dried blood. You stood up in the crib and you reached your hands to me. Ollie I could look in yo eyes and see you had a rough day. I could see yo pain. After I cleaned you up and fed you, your mama came in and I could see the fear in yo eyes. You wouldn't go to yo mama. Yo mama told me that one of the other kids must have scratched you. I didn't believe it though. The way you was scared of yo mama, I knew what it was. After you fell asleep in my arms I laid you down. And I might a been wrong but I didn't care... I went in the bedroom, I locked the door and I whipped yo mama's ass like she was my child. After I whipped her ass, I let her get a break and I whipped her ass so mo'! Then after that I whipped her ass again so she remembered. Ya mama always hated you. She hated you because you wasn't like ya brothers and sisters. She hated you because you was the only one with a daddy. I tried to be a daddy to them other ones but they never loved me or respected me. She hated you."

Having my daddy confirm what I already knew lifted a burden off of me. My daddy cried and told me that he rode around in the streets looking for me when my mama put me out. He said he would have got me a house or anything I needed. After I told him how mama used to tell me don't talk to him and not to be around him, he told me now that I was grown and on my own he was moving out.


My brothers in sisters came to my mothers defense, turning against me and my daddy. My daddy told me he didn't care and he was free. He said he was done and he just wanted live his life in peace now.

My daddy told me to take Alex to her daddy so that I could get my life in order.

Things weren't that easy though. I mean I wanted to let Alex keep the baby because he was a good father, but as far as me trying to live a life fulfilling my hopes and dreams... I just couldn't see it happening. My daddy don't know that I have HIV.

Some time had passed and everything started to simmer down. My mama got arrested for abusing Alex, and we had a court date coming up for Alex to get the baby full time. Him and Keke were about to get married and I didn't fight anything anymore. My baby would have a family, be loved and Keke would be a great mother if and when anything happened to me. That's all that mattered.

I wanted to get some things off of my chest, before their wedding. I met up with Alex in the lobby of the hotel they were all staying in the night before.

Me and Alex sat across from each other as I told him the whole story from my side. Alex was in tears. He shook his head in disbelief for most of the story. He reached his hands across the table and grabbed my face. "I'm so sorry! I didn't know! I didn't know! He moved his chair closer to mine and held my hands in his as I spoke. When I told him I had HIV his face fell in my lap while he held my hands. I wasn't crying though. I was numb to my pain.

Alex told me he was sorry for judgin' me instead of hearing me out. He begged me to forgive him. Of course I forgive him.

I thought of all the memories we shared before all this shit happened, and honestly... I loved Alex so much I wanted him to be happy.

That's why we were all shocked after Alex said "I do" the next day and Keke said she couldn't.



"I can't! I'm sorry! It wasn't supposed to go this far!"

Keke ran off and I ran after her! What was she thinking?

I finally caught up to her in her hotel room, where she started ripping off her dress and taking her hit down.

There was a knock on the door. I rushed to open it and I figured maybe it was somebody who could talk some sense into Keke.

It was Keke's mama and Alex both looking shocked.

"What are you doing Keke?" Her mama scolded.

"Alex, I'm sorry. I can't live this lie! My mama always hated Auntie! I didn't want to be a part of this! Alex I'm sorry, I'm not carrying your baby! Mama, I love Ollie! I always have! You never cared about what made me happy, as long as I beat Ollie at everything. You were always bitter because Ollie's mama had a family and you didn't. This is not going to hurt anybody but me. Alex I'm not in love with you and I know you really love Ollie. Ollie has been through hell and a lot of it is my fault. Ollie I should have helped you! I should have pushed for you and Alex to fight to stay together. I knew that Alex was the only man you really loved!"

We all stood there in disbelief! Keke's mama pulled her hand back and knocked Keke clear across the room.

"You wana do things your way? Well do it by yoself!"

My auntie was raging! I never seen her that mad. Alex put his head down and walked away. He didn't say a word.

"Keke you don't have to do this." I said kneeling in front of her.

"Yes I do. I'm sorry Ollie. My mama wanted me to do everything I could to make you look bad. She hated yo mama for stealing yo daddy away from her. I'm sorry. I'm not like my mama! I love my sister!"

She reached out her hand to me and hugged me.

"Wait, what?"



"I'm sorry Ollie. I saw you and Alex talking last night. I really felt bad. I know you been through a lot. You should be with Alex."

"I can't Keke. And besides, Alex loves you. So wait, you're my sister?"

Keke said that she was in love with somebody else and that she never loved Alex like that. I felt so bad for Alex. I couldn't fully process what all had been said, but it confirmed what I learned about people... You can't trust them.

I don't talk to my family that much anymore. I just keep to myself and learn every day that God gives me, to be a good mom. I talk to my dad sometimes... Oh and my sister. That feels strange saying that. They started talking and growing a relationship they never had. I'm happy for Keke. She has a dad now that everything came out. My dad left my mama. I don't talk to her anymore at all. She is psycho and I don't want her around my child!

Me and Alex both went back to school. Even though I have been diagnosed with HIV, Alex shows me everyday that God is my strength and I can't give up. We live together, but its not like that. We love each other very much and we are like best friends. We raise Alex together and gave her the kind of home that we wish we could have had. Alex switched over from nursing to pursue social work and ministry. He ministers to the families that he meets and is dedicated to God.
And me, I spend a lot of time as a volunteer advocate as I am in school for social work as well. This experience taught me that help is needed out here in these streets. I want to be a part of a team that helps, so I attend my HIV support groups and reach out to young girls who are where I used to be. Alex is in school too! Our big Kindergartner. She is so damned smart she started a little early! We have our little family and we love each other. As much as I've been through, I'm not looking to live a life in a relationship or marriage. Just being loved my big Alex and my baby Alex is enough for me. I don't think he wants to be bothered either. All we wanted was love. We have that. It's really The Perfect Love. Love without conditions. Love without rules and boundaries. Just pure love. We don't worry about titles, or the future. We just live each day and appreciate everything we have for what it is