Like We Used To (Zayn Malik)

IV.

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*flashback*

(Joshua's POV)

Stars. Those things that shines bright in the sky at night is one of a way of me and zayn to forget our problems. Well, we all have problems. Mine is that my stepfather is so cruel. He is like a perfectionist. He doesn't want things that called better. He wants it to be best. As always. He did it because he did so many failures in his life and he doesn't want it to happen to me even to my sister so when I screw things he hurt me.

"What is your secret zayn?" I asked him while we were lying on the roof watching the stars.

"Uhmm. I love someone, but that person is just too blind to see that. I always try to show to that person but nothing happens." he replied.

"Who is she? Where did she live?" I asked.

"Here." He replied while pointing to his heart.

"Huh? where?." I wondered at his answer.

"In my heart and that person will stay here in my heart forever." He answered while pointing to his heart with a smile in his face.

"Oh? Do I know her?" I asked.

"Yeah. you do. I mean a lot." He spits with a grin. "What about you? what's your secret?" As he ask back the question to me.

"Me? I think.. its about stepdad. Even though I love him. I did wish that... maybe I am with my real father. So that ... I'm not a legitimate and be with my real father. Or maybe i have a different stepfather. I wish i had a strong, responsible, versatile stepfather. Last time, he went to Saudi to work but it didn't happened for the reason that he misses us a lot. And the time mom had cheated on him with a rich man because he don't have work, he almost died. Until now he can't move on. He can't erase that in his mind. Just imagine if I had a strong father, life would be easier. Things will be on its right places. Not like now." I replied to him.

Then the rain begins to drop and we still didn't bother because it happens oftenly. Were used to it. We will just go downstairs and run and run to the park to the field to anywhere wind takes us. We will play in the rain. We will lie on the mud. We will chase each other. That is just the sweetest moment I always had with zayn. In the rain.

*end of flashback*

"Why?......Why so...?" I'm lying on my bed crying and realizing things.

"Because.... Your so stupid! Your a fucking stupid Joshua! Your so fucking stupid! You had him before but you let go of your chance!" I yelled at myself while crying throwing things out in my bed such as pillows and blankets.

But a while, I stop speaking and have a minutes of silence and think of the things about zayn.

"Its not over yet? Or it is! IT'S OVER NOW! HE HAD PERRIE IN HIS LIFE NOW! YOUR SO STUPID!" as I continued to gone wild and throw pillows and blankets.

"What if.... w-what if perrie is just a  girlfriend for nothing. What if she's just a rebound?" I asked myself in a low tone voice while tears streaming besides my face because I was lying again.

"I DON'T KNOW! I DO NOT KNOW! BECAUSE I'M A STUPID HUMAN BEING! I'M VERY STUPID FOR LETTING MY CHANCE!" I yelled at myself crying then I stand up and went to my laptop that's in the study desk and bring it to my bed.

"You have to move on Joshua. Its time for you to move on. Its not helping. This letter is not helping you to move on." I said to myself pointing my pointy finger in the delete icon.

"No!" Then my left hand suddenly stopped my right hand from pressing the delete icon.

"Please Joshua, delete it for your own good! Delete it !" As I hide my left hand and tried to press it again.

"No!" As my left hand stopped it again pulling it so fast and hard causing me to fall out from my bed.

I stood up from falling. As I was crying, I remember something. I went to my laptop and I see the phrase in the letter that I wrote "I will never lose hope. I will do whatever it takes to have you back. I will never lose hope." Just like what zayn told me when we were young.

*flashback*

"Why?" Zayn pleaded while crying to me through the phone.

"Its because dad said. Its a big chance in my life and I don't want to miss it." I replied him through the phone.

"Well then I'm going with you in Barcelona. We can go there together. I-I'm going  with you." He pleaded as he cries louder.

"I asked you if you want. You said you don't. Dad will be pissed off if I rescheduled my flight." I told him while tears burst out from my eyes.

" Then just wait for me there. I will follow you in Barcelona." Zayn pleaded.

"No. Dad will get mad if you stay in there, besides its his new family's house. Its not ours so I don't have rights to just make someone stay there." I cried while my mom rub my back.

"Stop making me so stupid josh! Just tell me what have I done? Is there something I've done wrong?" Zayn spits out.

"No. I just needed this. I promise I'll come back for you. Just promise me that you'll wait for me no matter what?"I told him.

"No! Don't say goodbyes. I'll go there. Where are you right now? I'll be there at five. Are you at your mom?" Zayn asked desperately.

"No. Don't go. I'm on my way to the airport. You will just make it hard for the two of us." I said to him.

"No! I'll go there. Don't go until I came. Okay?" Zayn said.

"No. Zayn don't-" then I was cut by him as he ended the call.

"We have to go. He's coming any minute by now." My mom said.

"But mom. Can I just talk to him before I go?" I cried at my mom while hugging her.

"But it will just make things more complicated." Mom whispers.

"Lets go" as I whisper to her while tears running in my face.

While we were on the cab going outside the gate of my mom's house, Zayn came very wet.

"Josh get out there! Get out! Please talk to me! Please!" As he slams the window of the cab pleading to me while he is so wet in the rain.

"Please, Ms.Anderson! Don't do this to me! Please! Your son! Please!" As he ran to the window beside the drivers seat.

As we continue to leave, zayn is still slamming, following, and screaming to us. He tried to stop me. I almost got by his acts. I almost stopped by him. I almost stopped by his last words that I heard.

"PLEASE COME BACK! I DON'T WANNA LOSE YOU! ILL WAIT FOR YOU! I WONT EVER LOSE HOPE!" Zayn pleaded before we leave the garage.

"Don't listen to him! You have to go  now! Leave him! There's nothing that will happen if you just stay there!" My dad said through the phone.

••••••••••

Hey :D

How do you find it?

Poor zayn. There is really something between them. Just wait soon and it will be revealed.

And also I would like to say thanks to my best friends @BoyDirectioner1D and @WhiteDuffy for treating me in the movie yesterday. Well, we just watched the Spiderman 2 in cinema and we were almost got kicked out there because we were so loud and it was hilarious! Thank you Bess and sissy!

Please vote comment and especially fan me for it will mean a lot to me.

Joshua Anderson

DarkDuffy

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