Searching For Hope

Chapter Four

The next morning, we leave and go to the park for a walk. It was relaxing hearing the birds chirp and the leaves sway. It felt like a break. "How about we separate and have quiet time?" Dad suggested.

I head over to the nearest bench and sit down. I see people walking and laughing. Kids playing soccer and swinging. Lola walks over to Dad and they point. I look and I see a puppy adoption center and I immediately think about Lollypop. I concentrate and I realize that is the exact place we got her. I start bawling. I just can't take it! Everything flashes back and it hurts. Someone walks up to me. It's either Mom or Lola but I can't tell through the blur of the tears in my eyes. Someone hugs me and from the words and the tone of her voice, I instantly know it's Mama. "It's gonna be OK, don't cry honey, don't cry."

I think about what I have I was and what have become. From what I see, I have become nothing. I think about the possibilities if dad never went to the war. I think about the possibilities if I had not forgotten about Lollypop and if she would be here suffering with us.

The sympathy in Mom's voice just makes me cry harder until finally she carries me, sits me on her lap and kisses my head. At that moment, I understand that there is nothing to worry about. Everything will work out and be OK. "Mama, I'm still a little scared," I admit.

"Hey, I am too but there is this hope in the back of my brain telling me that everything will go back to normal soon, that we will have a home and a new dog," She tells me.

"It's so hard to believe after everything that has happened. It's scary. And don't even get me started on Lollypop." I say with a lump in my throat.

"It's scary for all of us. For Dad, Me, your siblings. This is a huge thing to deal with! It's nerve-wracking. I'm worried about what is going to happen in the future." Mom says.

I hope this all works out, I hope that we-" I am interrupted by a young lady that was sitting on the bench next to us. "I overheard your conversation and I am sorry for eavesdropping but there is a community shopping plaza and they gives away furniture, clothing, food, electronics that kind of stuff for a very low price! Like I got this purse for only 1 dollar! Very, very cheap prices. I can give you my number and you can give me yours! We could place some meeting times." she bombards.

"Um...no thank you," Mama replies.

"Mama! We need all the help we can get! This lady is willing to help us!" I whisper.

"Um...OK, I will give you my number and I'll call later," Mom backs down.

"Deal! Oh, sorry, my name is Amanda Lee and this is Little Rupert!" The young lady says and gestures to the puppy hiding behind her back. I look in awe at the Pit bulls big eyes, I see something that I have not seen since Lollypop was left in that fire. "Amanda Renae Lee?" Mom asks out of the blue.

"Yes. Have I meant you before?" Amanda asks Mom in confusion.

"I don't know but you seem really familiar. I don't know why." Mom wonders.

I don't think I was the only one who noticed but we have the same last name. I recognized her too but it was not until Mom said she did. Was she my old kindergarten teacher? No that was Mrs. Lay. The nice lady from the grocery store? I think that was Miss. Amanda Whiteley. OH! She is the lady that used to deliver us groceries? UGH, THAT WAS RENAE MWAGOLO!! WHERE DO I KNOW HER FROM!?!?!' My brain aches from all the thinking and brain yelling.

We walk over to Amanda's car and I sit next to Lola and Derek in the backseats. Mom sits in the front and Dad says that he will meet us over there since our car is fine. We drive on Pomeral Road and make our way down. A couple of minutes later, we pull up to a restaurant called Ta Journée I completely new that meant My Day since I used to take a French class at my old school. I begin to tell everybody what it means and it surprised me that even Amanda did not know.

We entered the cafe and took a seat at a table in the very middle of the room and a waiter walks up to us. "Hello, welcome to Ta Journée, my name is Marco! What drinks would you like?" Marco asks.

"Hey, I would like Spriola please and Derek would like apple juice," I ask as Derek nods his head.

Everybody else asks for water and Marco leaves to get our orders. I open the menu and take a look. Everything was in French but I did not understand words other than 'drinks' and 'meals' but Amanda came to my rescue and turns the menu over which shows words in full English. I glace her a smile and I receive a smile back. I look at the menu and make a decision that I would like some Lasagna and Lola orders the same thing.

Our food and drinks arrive at our table and I dig in. I have not eaten in such a long time and it was so good! I inhale it and at that moment I completely forgot about everything. My problems, everything! 'Yup, food can do that sometimes!' I say to myself.

I ask the waiter for a second plateful and I wait. I go to the bathroom and when I get back to the table, everybody is mopey and Derek is crying. "What happened? What's wrong Derek?" I ask.

"Nothing baby, just sit down," Mama replies.

I sit down reluctantly as my food arrives at the table. This time I ordered Nicoise Salad and it was so good! Dad and Amanda ordered it too but they ate in silence with down faces. "Guys! You know you can't hide anything from me! What is wrong?!" I blurt.

"YOUNG LADY, I AM YOUR MOTHER YOU NEVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!" Mom snaps and I stand back.

I run to the nearest bathroom and lock myself in a stall. 'Welp, here again. Mom has never, ever snapped like that. Something is definitely wrong.' I think, worried.

I sing 'Lillies' to myself and a loud screaming brings me to a stop. I peek out of my stall and nobody is there. I walk out of the bathroom and look over at my table to see my mom yelling her head off to my father. I rush over and look at them. They stop. "What. Is. Going. On. You are yelling at everybody you come in contact with! I have never, EVER seen you like this before! WHAT IS THE DEAL?!??" I scream.

"Emerald, please just go back to where you were. We don't need any more problems." She says and immediately looks like she regrets it.

"Go back to where I was? YOU WANT ME TO GO BACK?? OK, I WILL GO BACK! AND GUESS WHAT? I PROBABLY WON'T COME AND FIND YOU!!! IM JUST A PROBLEM AND NOBODY LIKES PROBLEMS, NOW DO THEY?!?!" I say grabbing my coat and stomping out of the restaurant.

'I sit on a bench outside and burst into tears. Why was Mom even yelling in the first place? What did Dad do? Why was Derek crying? Why was Lola unaware too? Why did Lola not come to check on me like the first time? Why did Amanda help us? why did the fire have to happen to us? Why did Lollypop have to die? Why is my life so miserable?' I ask in complete confusion and hurt.

I look around and I see trees and leaves. I pull my collar up so my neck can be warm. It was very chilly and I ask why it was out loud. I see a Ta journée worker take the trash and put it in the bin. I look to my left and notice the late night couples walking around the neighborhood stores. I wonder why we can't be normal. I wonder if things would be different if Dad never went to war? I wonder what would happen in Mom never had back problems? I have so many questions but nobody to answer them.