Kpop Imagines and Smuts

Namjoon: Depression; AU

WARNING: This could have some potential triggering content i advise to read with caution or not at all if you have problems with the following. Self doubt, death, and obviously depression. I really hope this is good this is my first angst and i really want it to be a hit.
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Day 14 13:03:4.6 P.M

Today was different from the rest. It was darker, colder, more aggressive. His presence didn't help, I felt even more like a burden. I was helpless, a waste of space. I started sobbing as he scrubbed my back. He cooed and gave me painful look, his eyes watering.

"It's okay Isa i've got you, i've always got you." His voice was strained, and I could feel his hand tense at my back.

"I'm sorry i'm a burden. I am so sorry." Breathing became difficult causing Joon to curse under his breath.

He quickly turned off the water after rinsing me off and wrapped me in a towel. He carried me to my room and sat me on the chair; quickly grabbing clothes on his way back to me. He quickly dried me off and put lotion on before slipping on his giant shirt and some undies.

He quickly scooped me into his arms holding me close. Carrying me to the living room he sat down wrapping himself around me.

"It's okay, it's okay now. I've got you." He cooed, gently running his fingers through my hair.

"It should've been me." I whispered so softly; I hoped the gentle giant didnt hear me.

His arms tensed up as he rested them on my shoulders.

"It should've been no one. Please you need to stop blaming yourself. Lets not talk about it, Please?"

I nodded, admittedly enough I didnt want to talk about it. But 'it' was the reason I was like this. Shivering in self-hate and doubt, warping myself into believing it was my fault. I mean it was.

December first is when it happened. I was being stupid, not paying attention. I turned the wrong corner and before anyone could pull me from the disaster, a tall burly man had grabbed me.

I yelped as he pulled me towards himself chuckling at my dismay. I coward away from him, trying to pull my arm free. Three men appeared behind him all preying on me, eyes glistening with pure evil. I screamed, causing a sting to radiate from my cheek. I yelped my knees buckling, causing me to fall. They chuckled while a strangled sobbed exited me.

"Let go of her!" I gasped and began shaking my head.

"Get out of here Jimin! Please!" I yelled at him.

He only advanced Jungkook, Yoongi, and Taeyung behind him. I screamed louder begging them to leave.

"It's okay Isa, Joon called the police, they are on their way." Yoongi said as gently as possible, his voice holding a edge to it.

The men burst out laughing, giving the boyish featured men once overs. Yanking me towards me he fondled me. Making me yelp and yank away from him. The boys started yelling and started towards me, fists balled. But a gunshot stopped them briefly. Everything slowed as I watched Jimins body fall. I screamed panicking, that shot wasnt a warning, four more loud bangs and three thuds filled my ears. I screamed and thrashed in the mans arms.

Police sirens fill the area causing the men to curse and bolt. I grasped onto the mans shirt trying to stop him.

"Let go you little bitch!" He slapped me, effectively throwing me off him and down next to Jimins limp body.

I gasped and quickly gripped onto his shoulder flipping him over. He gasped and grabbed my hand then my face. I sobbed, quickly grabbing his face and looking around.

"Guys! Get up! You needa get up! Please! I need you guys, get up! Get up!" He only frowned as I yelled at him.

His eyes went distant and his arm fell. I screamed as I was pulled from his body.

"Let go! Let go! Somebody save them! Save them!" I shouted but all I got were sympathetic looks and a police officer with too many questions.

"Isa! Isa!" My eyes Zeroed in on Jin.

He was glaring at me as usual making me flinch from his harshness. I whimpered and scooted away from him. He blames me.

"I brought you some food." He said, setting it in my lap.

Namjoon sighed and took it to the refrigerator. I wasn't going to eat and he knew it.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Its not your fault I-" Jin quickly cut Hoseok off.

"It is her fault! She took the wrong damn turn! she didn't fight back! She watched th-" Jin stopped when Namjoon came into the room.

"You should be ashamed of yourself! You weren't there, you wouldn't know. Do you know what she does all day while you're at work?! Do you know how she torments herself?! Do you wanna know?!" Namjoon was livid staring Jin down.

Ther was silence as Jin continued to glare at me.

"She wakes up and tries to pull herself together. She does her best to get dressed for college and then sits in front of a mirror. You know what shes doing? Shes praying. she prays that they will come back. That she can make them happy by trying to be happy. That she can help us more. That you will stop hating her. That she could get through this, for us.
  And then she opens her eyes and she whimpers. Her cheek is still bruised, so she stares at it with scrutiny. Her under-eyes are purple because she cant sleep. Because everytime she closes her eyes, she witnesses them being shot. Her hair and skin is dull from the lack of sun because she is scared of the hate she might get. Her body is thinning because she gets sick from the smell of the food.
  She is blaming herself for a simple human mistake. She didn't want that to happen. We need to stop being against each other and start working as a team. We need each others support. Its been two weeks. People keep telling us we should be better, but its okay to be broken, its okay to cry and its okay to talk to other people about how youre feeling. Its okay, its going to be okay. But we have to stick together." Namjoon finished.

Jin didn't stop himself as he fell to the floor crying, showing how weak he was, mentally and physically exhausted. I slowly pushed myself next to him opening my arms to him. His body quickly pressed into mine, head shoved against my shoulder as he apologized over thrice. I apologized too and I soothed to the best of my ability.
Namjoon and Hoseok watched they were the strongest out of us. But i knew when they let it all go i could hear their quiet sobs late at night. Sometimes I would climb into bed with one of them to soothe them.
  I remember taking life for granted but this opened my eyes. Anything can happen at any moment. Life is a whirlpool of fates unknown to man kind. We cant control how fast the water goes, or what direction it goes in. But we can decide if we want to go with it and try to keep calm or if we are going to fight for our own fate and stress over disturbing the natural course. Our decisions are what make us, but they most certainly are not what rule us.
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This is something that just came to me...something that actually means a lot to me. I really hope this isnt bad amd people dont get offended or triggered(and im not saying that lightly, i know the severities of triggers.) i really hope this helps people who dont understand depression so that way they can help someone in the future.
XoXo Your Writer Koalatie<3