Chapter 50

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JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V.

I ruffle my hair in frustration because that's what all this is. It's frustrating. Everything I have been feeling since I have met Taehyung is frustrating. He keeps giving me awkward vibes and if I go by my knowledge of fantasy than I'm supposed to be in love with him but that's not possible. I mean it is but not yet. It can't be that simple. Can it? It wouldn't make sense if it was, though. Shouldn't I feel some sparks or something around him? It would be much more easier to understand if only he had directly said it when he had the chance last night. Why did he- we talk about flying and stuff when this type of talk should take place between first time drunks?

"Hey."

The sudden voice jolts me out of my thoughts and somewhat startles me, too. But only a little bit. I whip around and see Taehyung panting slightly. He must have taken his sweet time walking up because he isn't bright red like we were yesterday.

"Hi."

I'm acting like we are meeting for the first time, when in fact I ran away from our room just a moment ago. Actually, now that I think about it, it's been quiet a while since I got here. I didn't even notice how quickly the time went by. Taehyung comes up and sits next to me. Now I'm feeling burdened again. What do I do? What do I say? Sorry I freaked out and ran away? Or maybe I can go with 'the weathers nice, right?' Or maybe-

"Why did you run?"

His voice is so low as if he's afraid of something but he cuts right to the point and trust me Taehyung you are only seeing what I have practiced to show my entire life but inside is a whole other world. You came here at a wrong time. I'm about to shit myself right now because damn, you are so close. Why do you always come so close? I can't breath when you do that.

"It's nothing."

My acting is world class. What did Hoseok say about Taehyung's? He's a master of disguise? Well then, see through mine and reach the real thing, if you can. But I bet you can't.

"You remembered what you said last night, didn't you?"

That's obvious.

"Do you remember what I said?"

He sounds scared. Why are you scared? I'm doing that part just fine. Be the smug one.

"Yeah."

That's it. That's all I can say. I have got nothing else to keep the conversation going.

"So.. Will you.."

Please don't ask what I think you are going to ask. I'm going to run again. I'm freaking out so much right now. The big lump in my throat goes down with much force as I wait for him but at the same time I don't want him to complete his question.

"Will you be okay even after knowing that?"

What?

"What?"

What did he ask me? What did he ask me? Why won't you repeat already? What's with all the pauses?

"Now that you know what I.. I mean.. How I see you? Will you be okay with it?"

Why doesn't he talk like he normally does? He's making it so complicated for me to understand his words and my head hurts already.

"I don't.."

"I'm sorry."

What is he sorry for? I didn't even get to say anything yet except for two words.

"For.. For confessing like that. I mean I wanted to ask you but not like that. Even if you don't think that way, I wanted to remember it as a normal day memory. Not a drunk one."

Now he's talking non stop. But HOLD ON. DID HE JUST SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID? I'M ALREADY A MESS RIGHT NOW AND HE DROPPED THIS BOMB ON ME? HOW AM I GOING TO KEEP MYSELF CALM NOW? TAEHYUNG GO AWAY FOR A WHILE. I NEED TO SCREAM.

"Hey, Kookie are you okay?" He leans over and places his hand on my shoulder and that is NOT HELPING.

"Yeah." I literally squeaked.
"Can you *gulp* leave me alone.. for a minute?" His expression falls and I know how much of an asshole I sound like but I NEED TO LET IT OUT.

He nods and gets up to leave. I don't turn around and after a second when I think he would have left I put my arm in my mouth and scream my heart out. I have no idea how much longer I could have held it in. After a few screams I feel very relaxed and I lean back placing my hands on the ground behind me for support as I stable me breathing. That felt so good, there are no words to explain.

"That's why you needed me to leave?" My hands slip and I fall back. He was still here? Stupid stupid stupid. Why didn't I check if he was gone or not? I look like a fool now as I stare back at him in horror. And of course he's grinning. Why wouldn't he be?

"Um, I.. I just.."

What am I supposed to say?

"I guess we can talk now." He sounds so much different than his usual self that I'm having a hard time adjusting to it. I can feel the heat on my face. I must be a good shade of red right now. Oh God!

"So, are you okay now?" I only nod because I don't have any voice left.

"And are we okay now?" I don't know what to say? What should I say? I have to think about it first but he won't be going anywhere any time soon so I can't think. What should I do? I can only look down at the bar in silence because I don't even know what the hell does he even mean by that.

"You scared me back there, you know." He looks ahead as he changes the topic, thankfully. Finally, I'm not under his stare anymore.

"Sorry."

"I thought you were sick or something." And he's looking back at me. Taehyung, please look somewhere else. I need to breathe, too. This isn't the moment I have ever thought of so I'm not experienced. Let me think about my words. Look away. Please. He can't hear me, I know. But I'm still begging him silently.

His phone vibrates and he takes it out of his pocket.

"Yes, hyung?"
"No, we are outside."
"Is everything okay?"
"Oh. Yeah.. about that."
"Yes."

He puts it back as I look at him only to look away when he looks at me, again.

"Namjoon hyung is calling us to talk about last night." He says as he stands up and holds his hand out for me. Did he really need to do that? I hesitantly take it and get up brushing myself as we walk.

The walk down the never ending stairs is slow and silent. For me, it's an uncomfortable silence. It's killing me, choking me, suffocating me. But when I glance at him sneakily he looks fine. Happy, actually. What's he so happy about? Well, he's always happy so.

I look at my feet as we walk down trying to keep my breathing stable. My thoughts are on fire today and I need to keep myself calm. As we approach the bottom, the next thing that happens takes me by surprise as I stand there shocked and rooted to my spot while Taehyung runs down happily leaving me behind.

DID HE JUST KISS MY CHEEK?
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