Things Almost Remembered [Clintasha]

Chapter One

[AN: Please leave feedback and comments! I know that my writing isn't the best, but I'm trying to improve on it. I'd love comments, feedback, suggestions, and predictions!] 

Natasha sat in her little two bedroom apartment, her back resting against the old couch that stood in the middle of the living room. She sighed, holding her steaming cup of coffee in her hands and hating the silence that filled the house. Usually, Natasha enjoyed the quiet, it gave her the chance to think and to focus on her thoughts, but in this apartment, the apartment that used to be theirs, but was now just hers, the silence was deafening. It had been over a year. Natasha pretended not to know the exact amount of time (one year, three months, and fourteen days), because the time didn't matter. After a year, Natasha thought she would've been over it. Agents were lost on missions all of the time, it was an occupational hazard when you're a superhero, there was nothing that could be done about it. She'd lost friends on missions before, people she was close to, people she had cared about, gone forever. Natasha rarely allowed herself the time to grieve, she didn't want to grieve. She would attend the funeral, she might need to be by herself for a week, but she always recovered. It never took her more than a month or two for her to get back on her feet, to move on. This shouldn't be different, it shouldn't have been. Natasha had known from the moment she met Clint that there was a chance that one of them would die before the other, hell, she had been trying to kill him herself. Clint was an agent, he was Avenger, Natasha knew the risk when they had become romantically involved, she had trained herself to prepare for it, so why did it still hurt? Clint shouldn't have been different, but he was and Natasha couldn't pretend that he wasn't. Clint hadn't just been another agent, he was her partner, her fiance. He wasn't an agent that she would be over in a year, not in two, not in three, not ever.

Natasha sighed deeply and rose to her feet, trying to shake the feeling off. She couldn't just sit here and mope, that wasn't like her. Yes, she missed Clint. Yes, she would always miss Clint, but sitting around and doing nothing wouldn't help anything. She walked into the kitchen, setting her mug of coffee on the countertop with a soft sigh before leaning against the very counter. She twisted her engagement ring, the diamond catching the overhead light at certain angles and sparkling. She considered checking in with SHIELD, to see if they had any updates on Clint, but she knew they wouldn't have. She had threatened them until she was absolutely certain that she would be the first person notified of any new information. She didn't need to sit at SHIELD, that was just as bad as moping about in her apartment. What she needed was a distraction, something to put her mind on and keep it there, keep it away from thoughts of Clint. She took out her cell phone, scrolling through the contacts before landing on 'Soldier Boy'. She pressed the call button.

"Hello?" Bucky's voice sounded gruff, tired, picking up after the third ring. "Is something up?"

"Well, hey, soldier. It's good to hear from you too." Natasha said sarcastically. "I'm doing well, thanks for asking. How are you?" Her voice was light and snarky, settling into the playful Tone that she usually used with Bucky.

Natasha could practically hear the eyeroll on the other end. "I'm fine, Nat." Bucky said, but his tone was soft. He yawned and Natasha could make out some scuffling noises "Damn, what time is it? You woke me up."

"Bucky, it's eleven o'clock. You should be up by now." Natasha rolled her eyes, but she felt a twinge of guilt. She hadn't thought of the possibility that Bucky might have been sleeping, the super soldier was usually up by five in the morning. Bucky didn't need as much sleep as normal people and he tended to avoid it, as he usually had nightmares. Natasha felt bad for interpreting his rest when he very clearly needed it.

Something in Natasha's voice must have given away her guilt, because Bucky's response was kind. "Don't worry, I've been sleeping a lot more." He informed her. "It's mostly Sam, says that sleep heals the mind as well as the body. I've slept almost every night this week." There was a hint of pride in his voice that made Natasha smile.