im not a mate

chapter three

Ashley

My fur is the color of unforgiving steel, the glint of a knife in an alleyway, the color of moonlight on water; silver.
I am much shorter than most wolves, and I'm not very muscular. Though I make up for it in agility and speed.
The students stare at me. Their eyes wide and jaws slack.
I scare them.
And that scares me.
A scared animal is a dangerous animal, it will do what it must to survive. I am in a room full of scared animals. 
The wolves eyes become glossy once again, receiving messages from someone.
I can tell its not from the gym teacher his eyes aren't glossed over, he looks around confused. If he isn't sending the message then who is?
As the young wolves shake out of their trances they descend upon me once again with reckless abandon.
I do not fight back.
I cry. I cry and wail and howl until my lungs collapse under the weight of the abuse.
My howls rattle among the rafters of the school and shake the foundation of my sanity.
I am not a werewolf. I am a scared little girl. I don't wanna be here under the mass of snapping jaws. I am a girl who wants her mother. I am a girl who is scared and alone. I just want my mom.
I keep wailing, scorching my lungs with so many emotions, each racing thought dancing on the lines only lunatics cross.
I hold onto what little bit of sanity I have, because I know if I fall down that rabbit hole I won't come out as Alice.
The gym doors burst open my principle; Mr Bittinger, a large alpha male with a crew cut and pinstripe suit, comes barging in.
The students dispersed like scared rats in the presence of a cat. The gym teacher shifts back and explains the situation to Mr Bittinger. His side of the story is that when I refused to shift I became violent and the class had to restrain me. The principle gives him a look that's in itself says, bull shit.
"I linked your students and found out what happened, you are on your last leg Mr Bobert. Do you know how much danger you put on the pack students as well as Ashley who is allowed to be a rouge as long as she sustains sanity?" He asks looking at me, who is a wailing mess on the gymnasium floor.
"Ashley dear you need to calm down." He soothes while sending Mr Bobert from the gym. But I am inconsolable.
I continue to wail, clawing at my chest as if the pain will turn me back.
"Ashley please focus on me... focus on my voice..." Mr Bittinger says, crouching in front of me while his secretary instructs the students to shift back and report to their dorms or to go their next class.
I release a yelp at his words and he rolls up the sleeves to his yellow pinstripe suit.
"Come back to me Ashley.... please.... I don't wanna force this...." His voice is soft as he reminds me of his rank.
He is an alpha and I am a rouge Luna a small step below him just from my packlessness, if he were to force his presence I'm not to sure I could resist.
I whimper softly, pleading with my eyes for him to understand, I was trapped.
"Sir... from her files it says she has no control over her shifts." His secretary says adjusting her yellow framed glasses.
"Anything else I should know?" Mr Bittinger asks glancing at his secretary who now flips through her clipboard.
"It says here she's prone to depressive episodes, she isn't violent but will run and hide if pursued, and her system was exposed to toxic levels of wolves bane as a child." She reads off quickly
"Is there any alternatives to a sedative?" He asks slowly inching forward.
"The only other option is for you to force her to shift... it'll be painful but it's the safest option sir." She says quickly, her eyes glancing at me from her clipboard.
"Thank you Clara, please lock the doors." He instructs standing and removing his coat.
I only kept crying unable to catch my breath and calm down.
Mr Bittinger reaches out to me with his aura it registers in my head like ice. He forces it onto me, it feels like someone is pushing me into arctic waters.
I feel like I'm drowning. His aura is so very cold.
But he has no effect, I remain in wolf form.
I whimper at him attempting to that explain it wasn't working. He pushes harder, his aura engulfing my own.
Pushing me deeper until I'm writhing in the freezing depths of his control.
I remain the same crying mess as before. His face turns red as he continues to push even though I do not fight back.
I never struggled, I didn't push back but yet I remained unfazed. My panic turns to confusion. Why isn't it working?
By this point his hands are shaking, he has exerted himself to exhaustion, he wipes sweat off of his brow while I shiver on the floor. 
"Stop resisting." He huffs out, his calm exterior finally snapping.
"Sir, I don't think she's resisting at all." His secretary says jotting something down on her clipboard.
"Clara a sedative please." He says adjusting his cufflinks, as if adjusting an already perfected object will calm his nerves.
"Yes sir." Clara answers walking out of my line of vision. She returns seconds later holding a thin syringe filled half way with a slightly purple liquid.
"Should I inject her or should you?" She asks peering through the frames of her glasses inquisitively.
"Let me do it. We don't want her to hurt you." He answers taking the syringe from her grasp.
I am too familiar with this type of sedative, after years of my mother using it to evade my first shift, I grew too used to it.
He injects me quickly. The needle finds it's home deep within my shoulder. The liquid stings with in the muscle before becoming a slow itching burn. Like millions of dancing fire ants were under my skin.
I whimper as Mr Bittinger pulls away from me a cold impassive stare coming his features.
"Clara I think we may have found an asset. " he says to his loyal secretary who is taking notes studiously.
By this point my eyes are heavy and my head is full of cotton. My whimpers are now quiet whines that barely escape my throat.
He looks down at me his expression unreadable as I fall asleep.