TaeMin: I'm A Dreamer (A Lovesick Sucker)

1

 there are times in taehyung's life when he just cries on the inside for no apparent reason. he is not ever sure why he cries, but he does.

at the age of fourteen, running around the neighbourhood with his two best friends, he had not thought love would make its way into his brain so easily. he had not thought there would be a large, specifically-shaped hole that can only be filled by a specifically-shaped object called being in love.

taehyung has never been in love before. he does not think he has ever been capable of being in love. he used to think that love was a sick thing, like when your mother tucks you into your bed, gives you some medicine and chicken noodle soup, and assures you that it will pass.

of course, even though love is a type of sickness, it is a type of sickness that does not go away. it is a type of sickness that can not be cured by any normal means of modern medicine. the sickness that is love can only be cured by the healing that is that specifically-shaped object to fit in that specifically-shaped hole.

it is when he talks to jimin that he feels the sickness acting up again. the one where his chest tightens and he cries on the inside when he texts him.

coffee kisses: i love you babe, so much

bacon and eggs: awww sweetheart, i love you, too

bacon and eggs: sleep well, princely boy

taehyung's heart churns and he does not know if he will ever be over this love sickness thing. if it will ever pass with some soup, some medicine, and a good night's rest. because it does not ever pass like that. it stays and it hurts and he wants to cry every time he tells jimin he loves him.

he fantasises a lot. he imagines waking up next to jimin and watching him sleep for a little bit before he goes and brushes jimin's hair away from his forehead, then jimin will open his eyes and smile sleepily and utter a, "g'morning, babe," because that is what jimin calls him, both in his fantasy and in real life.

in his fantasies, he makes breakfast in his underwear and jimin holds him from behind and hums. in his fantasies, he sings in the shower and jimin sits outside and listens. in his fantasies, jimin controls him on the bed and tells him how good he is. in his fantasies, jimin loves him and does not toy with his feelings.

it is those things he knows he should stop fantasising about because they will not ever be real, and he knows that. he knows that he and jimin have tried it, have tried to be that specifically-shaped object in each other to fill that specifically-shaped hole, and it did not work. it did not work because they did not work. they are too different and too clashing and it does not work.

taehyung dreams about his fantasies. dreams them over and over again and wonders if they will ever, one day, happen in his real life, when he is awake.

last week, he had dreamt about brushing jimin's hair away from his forehead every morning, then getting up and singing in the shower as jimin listened, then going and making breakfast in his underwear while jimin held him. he dreamt that every single night last week.

this week, he doesn't respond to jimin's texts, even when jimin sends him a little picture and an i love you, babe because it is not true and jimin does not love him as a specifically-shaped object to fill the specifically-shaped hole. it is not true.

he winks at a cute boy who comes to order coffee at his work and he tells his coworker about it. his coworker laughs and laughs and he laughs along even though it hurts. he wants to tell jimin what he did.

jimin texts him and he laughs at his phone.

"what are you laughing at?"

"nothing, my boyfr-" taehyung cuts himself off. "my friend is texting me."

that one slip-up almost killed him. that sickness acted up to the point of killing him. he had almost died, almost passed out, almost risked his health because he had almost called jimin his boyfriend.

taehyung goes to bed and does not dream. his brain can not dream any more, or else he will die.

when he wakes up, he is still dreaming.

"hey, tae," that familiar voice says and taehyung blinks his eyes open. it is only a dream.

a jimin-shaped face hangs over his and smiles, hair looking disheveled and taehyung sighs because it is another fantasy and it will not come true.

"i love you," taehyung mutters, and pulls the face down and kisses its lips with fervor, because it is not real and it does not matter, even if it is a dream and it still hurts and makes his sickness go off the rails. makes his heart palpitate far too fast.

"tae-" the voice says against his mouth and the face pulls away, and taehyung sighs.

"you are never real when you are here," he says to the face, and the face furrows its brows.

"i told you i was coming today," jimin tells him, and taehyung blinks himself awake.

"I told you I was coming to see you today, Tae," Jimin repeats, and Taehyung blinks into the real world and sits up. "You left the key under the doormat, remember?"

"Jimin, I-I-" is all Taehyung gets out before he's crying, on the outside this time, because the sickness has reached its peak and he can't hold it in anymore.

"Don't cry," Jimin tells him, holding him close. "Please don't cry, Tae."

"But I-I love you," Taehyung mutters through sobs, and he adds, "I kissed you because I love you."

There's no hesitation.

"Oh, Tae," Jimin coos and holds his face, "Babe, I love you, too, don't you worry."

Jimin kisses him and falls onto Taehyung's single bed and they kiss more and Taehyung stops crying, and after they stop kissing, Taehyung brushes Jimin's hair from his forehead and closes his eyes.

"I love you, so much," he says, and this time, it doesn't hurt, because it's real and Jimin can hear how real it is.

"I love you, too, babe," Jimin continues to reciprocate, like he knows it's the one thing that can reassure Taehyung that he's there. "I love you, too."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"I love you."

"Yeah, I love you, too."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Taehyung." Jimin starts laughing as they continue, with Taehyung confessing and Jimin reciprocating, trying to find different ways to tell him he loves him.

"If you were on the moon, I'd buy a rocketship to get there," Taehyung tells him. "I want to go everywhere with you. I want to give you a billion hugs. I want to cuddle you so bad."

Jimin smiles.

"I love you, too."