Damaged Goods

Watching Eyes

Walking to classes wasn't the worst part of my daily routines, but nothing exciting has ever happened to me on my journeys to class. I walked on the sidewalk with my headphones blasting rock music into my ears. If, by some miracle, someone at this school tried to get my attention, my headphones would block out their attempts to reach me. Perhaps I had grown accustom to the silence of my life and was finally starting to accept it.

It was late September in Illinois, which means the landscape was beautiful. My campus was swarming with parades of colors from all the trees that scattered the area. I looked around me and everyone seemed to be on their phones or talking to others instead of taking in the beauty of the campus. I continued to walk to my class while watching the way the branches blew in the wind. I was headed to my intro to astronomy class; one of my favorites.

The campus was huge and the walk to my class from my dorm room took about twenty minutes. I listened to my music more carefully and took in the lyrics, while I continued to watch the colored leaves fall from the trees. It was while I wasn't paying attention that I ran straight into someone. She had been holding a binder and it fell to the ground and papers spilt out everywhere. I quickly knelt down to help her pick up the mess and I removed an earbud.

"I am so sorry! I wasn't paying any attention to where I was walking" I apologized. "No, you're fine. I wasn't looking around me either." The girl giggled and then looked up at me. "You look really familiar. Are you a freshman here?" I looked up at her question and realized she looked familiar too. She had short, jet-black hair that was styled in a pixie haircut. She also had super blue eyes and freckles scattered on her face in a flattering way that made her appear younger. "Um, yeah. I live in Richard Hall." She smiled again at my response. "No way! I do too! I'm on the third floor; that must be where I've seen you. My name is Tiffany!" She stuck her hand out for me to shake.

I grabbed her hand and smiled politely. "My name is Vega. I live on the third floor too. This campus must not be as big as I thought it was." Tiffany did another small giggle and finished collecting her things. We both got up and she turned to me once more. "We should defiantly hang out sometime! My roommate never talks to me, so it'd be nice to have a friend in the dorm." I nodded and muttered out a yes and then tried to explain that I needed to get to class. "Right! Sorry. It was nice to meet you, even though it was by literally bumping into you." And then she was gone as she walked in the other direction.

I got to my class shortly after my run in with Tiffany. I sat through the hour-long lecture about the galaxy, but was surprisingly not paying attention. All I could think about was that I had actually met someone new and the possibilities of actually having someone to talk to. Then I was hit with an overwhelming since of dread that I would never make a friend here. A fear that I would talk to people, maybe hang out a few times, and they'd grow quickly tired of me or not like me. This wasn't something I had ever worried about before. In high school, I easily made friends with all kinds of different people, but since my mom's death I had shut myself out.

After my lecture ended, I walked back to my dorm. This time I focused on where I was walking instead of the trees. I made it back to my dorm quickly and headed for my cabinet full of microwaveable foods. After plopping a noodle bowl in the microwave, I turned on my TV and began to relax.

My room was on the main floor, so I could easily see people walking by my window in a hurry as they rushed to class. Most of the time I kept my blinds shut, but today I had them open to let some sunlight in, although now the sun was beginning to set. I watched the sky begin to turn colors as I ate my food. Some days I wish the sun never rose; I loved the dark.

I was pulled away from my thoughts by a knock at my door. The knock caused me to jump and I spilled a bit of soup on my shirt. I cursed quietly to myself as I grabbed a napkin to clean the mess up. There was another, softer, knock followed by "Hey Vega. It's your RA!" I dashed to the door and swung it open. I had only spoken to my residential assistant once and it was to tell him my name at a meeting. I was actually starting to get confused on why I was having so many conversations with people on my floor.

My residential assistant was a short, pale guy named Jackson. He wore large, square-shaped glasses that seemed to take up most of his face. He had light blond hair that covered his ears and acne scars all over his face that added to his dorky appearance, although he seemed to be a very genuine and kind-hearted person when it came to others. I stared at him nervously awaiting the reason he'd be at my door.

"Hello! I hope you're having a wonderful second week of classes. I'm just here to get your number for a group chat for our floor and ask if there's anything I could help you with. I've been getting questions from a lot of the people on this floor as they are adjusting with college life. I haven't seen you around very much though, so I wanted to make sure you were doing alright." He stopped and handed me clipboard where all the residents names and numbers were written.

I gave a half smile in reassurance and grabbed the board, "I'm doing great, thank you! I have been working on my studies and trying to get ahead of my class work. I do really like this campus, it's great." I filled out my information and handed the clipboard back to him.

"Well if you need anything, my room is down the hall. Don't be afraid to stop by! No question is a dumb question!" With that, Jackson smiled and walked towards the next dorm.

I closed my door and went to lay in bed. I sighed with relief knowing I could take off the happy-go-lucky mask I wore around others, since I was now alone for the night. By now the sun had officially set and the campus lights pouring in from my window were the only thing illuminating my room. I decided to leave my blinds open tonight and grabbed my laptop to watch some videos online. Every night I desperately tried to wear myself out. I had even started going to the gym and waking up early, but each night I could never fall asleep. Tonight, I decided to watch a movie and then read a bit from my book for history class.

Hours after I finished my movie and had read endless pages, I laid in bed staring at the ceiling. It was nearly two in the morning and my mind was wide awake. I turned on my side and faced the window. I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to come. In my head I thought about my interactions with people today and the possibility of escaping from this pained mindset I have been stuck in for Months. As my brained raked through the possibilities and trying to find the main source of my sadness, a flash brightened the room and forced me to open my eyes curiously.

At first, I thought it was lightning, but there was no sound of thunder or rain outside. I shrugged it off and closed my eyes again. Another flash of light made me jump up. This time, I was slightly nervous. I walked towards my window and was blinded by another flash. I stumbled back and when I could see again I rushed to my window and closed my blinds. My breathing was heavy and my heart was racing.

That flash hadn't come from lightning or a bad bulb outside or anything environmental. I knew exactly what that light had come from. I laid back in bed and shivered from fear. That flash had came from a camera. A camera direcly outside my window...