'When you are hurt, broken...
You don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes it is easier to stay in the dark away from reality.'
Join me on this journey.
Meet new characters, new hotties, broken hearts, new places, new stories...
There are a many things that scare me. Losing someone so important to me is one. I've experienced it and I can't go through it again. The pain of losing that one person feels like someone is ripping your heart apart. It aches so much that at a certain point you are unable to breathe, it gets harder to feel and it gets harder to see clearly.
When I was 18 I have started dating this amazing guy Caleb. He was my world and still is. We met at the tracks where he used to race almost all day, everyday. If it wasn't for my high school friends back then I would have never met him.
I remember almost leaving the tracks because I was bored and preferred to read and watch Netflix then go out. Before I could even turn around and leave, this handsome guy called after me and said "Hey you girl in white, be my lucky charm and race with me?" When I looked at him he had his smirk plastered on his face, his brown eyes twinkling with amusement. At first I was hesitant because the Blair goody two shoes back then would've never gone racing, would never flirt or drink. Surprisingly I agree to join this ridiculously hot guy on his bike just to show my friends that I wasn't the goody two shoes they claimed I was.
But now at times I wish I hadn't gone that night. I wish I didn't agree to go on his bike the first time. I wish he didn't pick me up from school every single day. I wish he never called me at night just to hear my voice. I wish we haven't said our 'i love you's'. I wish he didn't try to save me that night because it killed him. I wish the car hit my side of the car like it was meant to, but no he had to turn the wheel so it hit his side. I wish he is here now because I don't want to erase the way we met, our first date, our first kiss, god and our incredible first time where he proved to me that he was the man I wanted to stay with. I wanted to hold onto that but I can't. It hurts so,so much. Time that is passing by is not helping, I still feel the same as the day I was told he died.
Just before he died he gave me his mum's engagement ring. Even though we were nineteen at the time he wanted me to keep it, to remind me that he truly believed in us. He didn't propose but with this gesture he was saying 'you are my girl'.
He was my person just like Christina from Grey's Anatomy was Meredith's person. I trusted him. I told him everything. He was my best friend. My lover. My boyfriend. And my...fiancé. Caleb was.my.person.
I needed him to live, because right now I am not living just trying really hard to survive.
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Currently writing this story..
I don't know where I am going with this but i hope you join me on this journey..
