The Shape of Love

#3 Wednesday Evening "Caffeine and Stale Carbs"

Lacey checked her phone. Twenty seven minutes until she could eat a nice warm meal - one that didn't come in liquid form. Lately coffee and tea acted as her sustenance for the day - that and the day old pastries the staff was allowed.

Caffeine and stale carbs: a model diet.

Lacey had been at the Split Bean - as the patrons fondly referred to it as - since seven that morning, work had begun at noon. In theory there'd been plenty of time for her to job search, but as so many other days went she allowed her computer to fall asleep as she stared out the window.

There was no rain today, and bits of sun peaked through the clouds as spring chipped away at the window winter had frosted over. Passersby didn't seem to notice, and as always they didn't heed Lacey as she admired the myriad of people who strutted and scurried down the street.

They seemed so confident - even the ones whose shoulders slumped with the weight of a book bag or a burden not visible. The business woman whose high heels spelled blisters strode breezily down the sidewalk, careful to avoid cracks and grates. The child who struggled to keep up with their parent as they were lead in and out of purposeful adult steps, hundreds of knee caps at eye level. All looked in place.

None appeared scared.

Lacey had wondered how she looked while walking in a busy sidewalk. Did people see the way she flinched at a sudden movement or how she kept her arms wrapped around her lower abdomen?

Maybe they didn't see her at all.

Somehow the thought didn't stick. She didn't feel as anonymous as when she sat in her corner, and most definitely not secure.

Lacey's stomach grumbled, bringing her back to her original thought. A warm meal. Just the thought of steam seeping through a paper carton of chinese food or a thinly wrapped piece of pizza warming her hand made Lacey's mouth water.

Fumbling for her phone again she set it on the counter and unlocked the home screen. Her banking app, one of the only applications she used - although begrudgingly - sat on the first page.

"Fuck." She grumbled.

No matter how many times she checked her balance - an occurrence that was starting to become fewer and fewer as she felt her blood pressure elevate with each instance - she always held out hope. Hope that somehow, one day, she'd open the app to find a generous benefactor had wired her money.

Hope that was regularly smashed to pieces with one tap on her checking account.

She'd stopped putting money into her savings account two months ago when it was clear that the cash was never there long enough to accumulate.

Lacey placed a hand over her stomach. No chinese tonight. Microwavable Ramen would have to do. Accompanied by a dessert of a stale cheese danish she was practically living the high life.

She'd tried to convince herself of that for the past two months, only treating herself once a week. But now, in April there was no way she could afford it. Hell, she wasn't even able to afford this months rent.

Lacey still wasn't sure how she'd convinced her landlord to split to payment. Half she'd already paid on the first with the last of the money in her checking - not much - as well as an advance from Split Bean.

Lacey switched apps to glance at her calendar. Every two weeks she got a check from the coffee shop. The first half of the month had already gone to part of April's rent. She'd receive the second half on the first of May, the day she promised her landlord she would pay the rent owed as well as the month of May's in full.