batman & cheerleader

31-i like it

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't focus.

I couldn't eat.

I was doing it today.

All night, I stayed up thinking about every possible way to start this. Every way it could go wrong. I stayed up all night trying to figure it out. I was so nervous I couldn't eat dinner, my stomach growled but I never did anything about it. My eyes were burning and watery, my eye lids were drooping but I ignored it.

I made the courageous decision after the paintball match yesterday to talk to Nick as soon as possible. I mean possible like the next day. I didn't want to put it off any longer than I already had. A long talk with him was way overdue and I have no one to blame but me, myself and I. After those awkward moments yesterday I knew this was something I had to do. If I was going to continue hanging out with his friends then I needed to fix this.

I had a cheer competition this morning so I couldn't head over to his house first thing this morning. Becuase of that, I was a nervous wreck all through out the competition. I was so off my game, I missed counts, cheers and even jacked up my back flip...yeah that one hurt. Now I was sore, sleepy, hungry and a nervous wreck. Not a good combination.

Once we were allowed to leave the competition, I didn't change out of my uniform, I just hopped in my car and left. Should I have gotten food? Probably. Should I have gone home to get some sleep? Definitely. I wasn't one to make good choices when I had something important to do or going on in my life. That should be the next thing I bring up in therapy.

On my way to Nick's house I ran a red light so that will have some serious consequences. I can already hear the lecture from my parents. Oh well.

I parked right in front of his house. His house looks the same as the last time I was here, well minus the Christmas decorations. My eyes landed on the red four door Jeep Wrangler sitting in the driveway. Just because his car is here doesn't mean he is.

I turned off my car, grabbed a bag with something special in it and got out into the freezing cold. Yep, really should have changed before I left. Adding onto my list of bad decisions today; I didn't even put on a coat. Here I was: walking in the freezing cold with my cheer uniform on. Keep in mind there is no long sleeve shirt on underneath either, my arms are bare and my cheer skirt barely reaches mid thigh.

Taylor Croft you are an idiot.

I reached the front porch and my fingers hovered over the doorbell. Did I really want to do this? Yes I did. I gave myself a pep talk before I pressed the button. I heard the ding dong travel in the house.

A few minutes passed and no one came to the door. Was no one home? I turned around to head back to my car when the door opened. Taking a deep breath, I slowly turned around to see Nick standing there in jeans and a green t-shirt. His brown hair was a mess and his warm hazel eyes were shining. My breath hitched. He looked so good.

Don't drool, Taylor.

I clear my throat, preparing myself, "Hi. Can we talk?" I ask quietly. So quietly I wasn't even sure he heard it.

Nick stood there saying nothing. I didn't like it. If we were going to have another stare off, I prefer he just slam the door in my face. At least then I would get his message loud and clear.

Nick sighs and opens the door further for me to enter. I exhale in relief, trying not to run inside because let's be real, I'm freezing.

A warmth hits me as soon as I'm inside. Ahhh...much better. The smell of cinnamon hits me as well. I hear Nick close the door and walk past me and into the living room. He didn't tell me to follow but I do anyways.