Coffee Break

Chapter Two

  I woke up on a hospital bed. I could hear Grandma and Mother talking from the other side of the door.My body felt like I had the weight of a baobab tree on top of me.I let out a groan and they realized I was up. They burst into the room, with tears running down their cheeks

"Oh Maya!"Grandma exclaimed and hugged me.I groaned again and she let go of me 

"I'm so sorry dear. How are you? "

"Terrible.How long have I been out? "I asked

"For six hours , "Mother replied."Maya I don't understand, you were doing so good and now.."

"Now is not the time! "Grandma snapped

"Why would you want to kill yourself? "Mother asked

"Excuse me! "I exclaimed

"Carol! Now is not the time!"Grandma snapped again, pushing Mother out of the room .

Kill myself? Or maybe I should have way back, and spared myself all this pain!I started recollecting what had happened before I lost consciousness. All I was trying to do was to make Jason let go of me.. and here I was.The doctor came in ten minutes later and explained that I had sprained my wrists,but there was no major damage.I was going to have to stay in the hospital for one more day before discharge.I told Mother that she could stay on the condition that she didn't ask me questions.I knew she thought I was doing drugs again. I wouldn't be surprised if she had asked for a drug test on me while I was unconscious.I pretended to be asleep every time her friends came in to visit.It was fun, and sad at the same time. On one occasion I heard her tell her friend that she was planning on sending me back to rehab.I wished for an earthquake to hit, and kill me instantly.Gosh!My suicidal thoughts kept on growing by the day. I 'woke up ' to Grandma's voice that evening.Mother was disappointed when she realized I was faking my sleep. She couldn't confront me however cause she knew I was hearing all the conversations going on. She said her goodbyes and left us alone. A few minutes later, Grandma held my hands and started praying. I stared at the ceiling fan hovering quietly and tears started rolling down my face. Grandma did this every night. Tonight, she was praying for God to grant the desires of my heart. And every night, I was confronted with the same question,does God really care?

My day of discharge finally arrived. The doctor had called for a briefing and said I had done better than he had expected, but I still had to go if I felt any pains. He had had discussions with Mother and Grandma concerning my psychological conditions and said they had come to an agreement that I should attend counseling sessions, as requested by Grandma. If I showed any signs of irrational or self destructive behavior, I should brace myself for rehab, again.
Mother asked if I could be given 'mild painkillers ' lest I get hooked to the strong ones. It was a long drive to Grandma's house.I had never felt more lonely in my life. We found Grandpa waiting for us at the door.
"It's good to have you back". He had a sad smile on his face,as he took my hand and led me inside.Later that night,he called for me outside on the veranda where he'd sit every night in his rocking chair for some time before going to bed.I pulled out a chair and sat next to him.

"Did you know?"He began."That the men who built this house may brag about their house building skills,but never get to live in a house like this one themselves?"
"Uumn..yes...I..do"
"And what could be the reason?"
"Because they can't afford it?"I asked in return.
"Because they don't believe in themselves.They wouldn't think of themselves as worthy to have what they are building for others."
"I'm confused Pa"
"You do not believe in yourself.Here you are, helping your Grandma with decor and I've seen how gifted you are.You can make a wedding colorful for others but not dream of a beautiful one for yourself"
"But Grandpa.."
"Promise me,that you will not think of yourself any less than you ought to."
"I will try Pa"
"Don't try..do.I want to see little grandchildren before I go"
I laughed.
"Don't you mean great grandchildren?"
"Are you calling me old?"