How Did We Get Here? (Grey's Anatomy)

Chapter 4 (TW)

"What's taking her so long?" Callie paced through the kitchen. Arizona watched her wife, the women she loved. She had never seen Callie like this, she looked erratic almost crazy. "Cal, calm down. Sofia isn't in any danger, she's fine." Arizona tried to reassure Callie but she was just as scared. Both of them were unable to think of anything else to say, but somehow the slience was comforting.

The only sound more comforting was the knocking at the door. Callie, who had never stopped pacing, charged to the door. As she opened the door she saw Amelia staring back at her. Callie was once again rendered speechless, 'Hi, come in, thank you for using your special ex-junkie powers to fix our daughter.' didn't sound right but Callie couldn't come up with anything better, so she stayed quiet.

"Amelia, thank you so much for coming." Arizona walked up behind Callie, "Come in!" She put on her happy face. Amelia squeezed past Callie, who seemed to be in a catatonic state. "Callie!" Arizona grabbed Callie's arm and tugged, this was enough to snap her back to reality.
Callie shut the door and led Amelia to the dining table.

"This is Oxy," Amelia said bluntly, holding the baggy up to her face. "it's what I was on. Can you take this, please?" Amelia gestured the baggy towards Arizona. "What should we do with it?" Arizona took the baggy and turned to Callie "Should we flush it?" Callie nodded, confidently, like she knew the answer the question.

Before Amelia could answer anymore questions, Arizona's pager started beeping. "Oh great, a 911, that's just what I need today!" Callie's pager joined in the chorus, "Oh god me too." Amelia knew she could handle this, "You guys go, I've got this!"

"Are you sure?" Arizona asked as she grabbed her purse. "I am sure, both of you out. You have lives to safe!" Amelia followed Callie and Arizona to the door. "Sofia's in her bedroom, check on her okay?" Callie shouted out the window of the car as Arizona drove them away.

'I've got this, I can do this, I've got this!' Amelia repeated this mantra in her head as she walked past the Oxy, which was still on the dining room table, and climbed the stairs. As she arrived at Sofia's bedroom, Amelia felt that something was wrong. It was like a sixth sense.

"Hey, Sofia. It's Amelia. Can I.. Can I come in?" She tripped on her words. 'I don't have this, I can't do this, I don't have this!' Her new mantra repeated in her head, she couldn't stop it. She was about to walk into a room that may have well contained her as a teenager. 'There are so may similarities: Drugs, drinking, dead dad...' Amelia listed as she opened Sofia's door, '...being dead on the floor of the bedroom.'

Tick, tock. Tick, tock. The sound of the clock almost mocked Amelia as she stood there helpless. Every tick, every tock, a second she was wasting. Each breath, painful. Hands, shaking. Brain, not thinking. "Oh" Amelia didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to do.

This shock seemed to go on for an impossible amount of time. Somehow to Amelia, it lasted both milliseconds and years, but it couldn't last forever. "Sofia,can you hear me?" Amelia's doctor instincts kicked in as she rushed to crouch at the girl's side. She put her ear to Sofia's mouth. She heard breathing.

"What the fuck?" Sofia's sudden rise from the dead made Amelia yelp. "Oh my god, I thought you were dead!" Amelia sat back against the wall as she breathed a sigh of relief. The girl let out a chuckle at the woman's expense. "What? Why?" Sofia laughed and sat up to look at Amelia. "Why were you laying on the floor?" Amelia was still trying to catch her breath from the fear.

Sofia looked at Amelia puzzled, "Why are you in my bedroom? Where's my Moms?"

"They... erm.. had to go to work. So they asked me to come watch you." It wasn't a complete lie, it also wasn't a complete truth. "Figures." Sofia wasn't surprised they left her, they always do. "Why do I need someone to watch me, they never bother with that normally?"

"Probably because they were scared you would overdose, you know because you are addicted to Oxy." Subtlety had never been Amelia's strong suit. "Calling in the ex-junkie to talk to the current junkie. Smart." Sofia didn't have patience for this, her parents were too bothered with helping strangers to care for their own daughter.

"Sofia, what are you doing?" Amelia shuffled towards Sofia, she looked in her eyes. The pools of light blue made Amelia's mind flash back to Mark, to her Sofia was family. "I don't know.. I just can't do this anymore." This was the first time Sofia was honest about this.

"Do what, Sofia?" Amelia knew the answer but she had to ask. "Live, it is just a lot. It's a lot." Sofia started to cry, she didn't really know why, but the tears wouldn't stop. She lifted her hand to wipe away the tears. This caused her sleeve to slip down.

'Fuck' Amelia looked at the girl's arm, the crimson read lines peeking out of her sleeve. "Sofia, the hell are these?" Amelia's face grew harsh and mean as she grabbed Sofia's arm. "Did you do this? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Amelia shouted, "How could you do this?" For some reason this seemed worse than drugs. There was no high only harm. It was a pain that Amelia couldn't understand, so she left.

The only person who seemed to care about Sofia had just walked out on her. Sofia couldn't make sense of it but she had an idea and suddenly she felt relief. Sofia was calm. The tears stopped. The pain stopped. A smile cautiously appeared on her face, the first real one in years.

Sofia stood up. Walked into the bathroom. Locked the door behind her. Took out a razor and slashed her wrists. She slashed. As she leaned against the bathtub and slashed. She smiled and slashed. This wasn't just cutting, this was different. This was it. The blood pored. She couldn't see her arm anymore, her vision faded, her arm was red, but she kept slashing. She only stopped as she dropped to the floor. The smile cleared her face and was replaced by a look of gormlessness, a look of emptiness, a sense of regret.