CAUGHT UP

37.

When I get home I thought I would feel better about what happened earlier but I felt worse. He really didn't seem to care about me as he strolled in with that Darien girl. My mind starts to race and I play back everything he said to me the other day. Then on-top of this, the trial is coming up soon. My dad is cheating on my mom and my mother doesn't know. I'm dating but not really dating Eric. I have a charity dinner coming up. All of my designs in my sketch book are based off of Dylan and everything is wrong.

I head to my closet and grab some black jeans, a white blouse and a jean jacket. I went to take a shower and hurried to get change. I pull out some boot heels and slip them on and caked my face with make-up, more than usual. I put my hair up because I knew that Dylan liked it down and I didn't care what he liked anymore. Eric was on time when he picks me up and we head to the party. I felt like Eric knew I liked Dylan and what he did earlier was to help me. However, the whole car ride Eric stays off the topic of Dylan O'Brien and I was thankful!

When we arrive to the party, it was actually at a house this time. I get out the car and look at the lawn covered with college students and probably some high school students holding red solo cups.

"You ready?" Eric ask holding out his hand. I grab it and we walk inside and immediately Eric's friends come up to him.

"I'm going to grab a drink" I said letting go of Eric's hand and made my way to the kitchen. I knew this was going to happen. Come with Eric and he goes to hang with his friends and leaves me hanging. When I find the kitchen there were lots of different alcoholic beverages. I close my eyes and choose one and pour it into a cup and threw it back. The sting hits my throat and I decide to do another cup. Something about throwing the drinks back hurt a little but made me feel good. Like the way Dylan makes me feel.

Why am I thinking about Dylan? Every time I think about Dylan, I needed to throw a drink back. I wonder if he's here. Ugh... drink. Why would Dylan be here? Drink... It's a college party and he won't benefit from being here. Drink... the taste in my mouth starts to get old and I grab a different bottle. Why would my dad cheat on my mom? Like does he not love her anymore? Aren't I supposed to tell my mom? Aren't women supposed to stick together? What's going to happen to my family? Why won't my sister come home?

"Are you crying?" someone ask and I look over at a girl staring at me as she pours her drink.

"What?" I said hurrying to wipe my tears. The alcohol starts to take over my emotions and I couldn't help but to laugh. "Mind your business" I roll my eyes and grab another drink. The music starts to get louder and I stay by the alcohol continuing to pour cup after cup.

Some time goes by and I felt the buzz. I felt this amazing feeling that I had no care in the world. That I could do whatever I want with whoever I want. I now understand why people drink so much. It's a let go of reality feeling. I reach for another cup and it kind of spills out my hand. I hurry to throw it back and the hot sting goes down my throat and I yell after.

"Josephina slow down" someone said and I look over to see... a blurry Dylan looking at me.

"Why?" I smile and he stares at me. I grab another drink and Dylan grabs my arm.

"I said slow down" he says and I laugh and flip the cup so it splashes on his chest. I was going for his face but I'm not physically strong enough right now to reach up that high. People around us start laughing and Dylan looks down at his shirt then up at me.

"Whoops" I smile and he shakes his head. I grab another drink and turn away from him and join everyone back at the party. The song "Yeah!" by Usher starts playing and I get real excited and everyone yells. I throw back my drink and stand up on a chair and people around me start shouting. I start swaying my hips back and forth with the music and smile at everyone cheering for me. I look over at the kitchen and Dylan is staring at me from a far. I flick him off and look back at the crowd and continue to dance. Eric appears below me and his hand holds onto my leg. I think he was pretty much trying to tell me to get down and as I step off the chair his hand travels up my leg, across my ass and rest on my waist as I come to eye level with him.

"I have never seen you this way, I like it" he said smiling. I go in to clash his lips and of course Eric wasn't hesitant about kissing me back. I feel his tongue push through my mouth just how Dylan does but it wasn't the same. I didn't get a tingling feeling or I didn't get hot. All of the sudden I was pulled away from Eric and I look up at Dylan.

"You touch her again and I'll beat the shit out of you" Dylan says.

"Will you now?" Eric laughs at Dylan.

"I'm taking you home" Dylan says looking at me

"Hold up" Eric said and I look at him. "Maybe she's not ready to go"

"No she is" Dylan said.

"Don't worry I'll take her home" Eric said grabbing my arm. I felt drunk, I could feel it and I wanted to tell both of them to shut up and stop talking but the words literally would not come out.

"Do you have a problem with me?" Dylan says.

"I DO!" I yell and Dylan looks at me. I laugh and shake my head. "You don't like me remember? So why don't you leave me alone?" Dylan laughs and before I knew it, his fist comes to Eric's face and Eric falls back into some people.

"I just told you not to fuckin touch her!" Dylan says. I was so out of it I didn't know what to do but laugh. Eric stands up and wipes the blood dripping from his nose.

"Such a fuckin pussy" Eric laughs and spits on the floor.

"Alright..." Dylan said and he turns around and scoops me off the ground.

"HEY!" I said and Dylan moves through the crowd. I couldn't find words to say and I watch as everyone stare at us leaving the party. Dylan carries me through the house and my stomach starts to get a little queasy. All I can think is, please don't fart. Ugh! What would be worse... farting or puking on Dylan? Cold air hits my face and I realize we're outside. Dylan carries me to the 1960's, blue, junk yard car and he puts me in the passenger seat. I would of start arguing with him but I didn't feel too hot and I felt like my words didn't make sense.

Dylan gets in on the driver's side and I lean my head on the window. I hear him start the car and immediately my eyes fall shut. By the time I open them again, I was being carried by Dylan yet again. I look around and it seemed familiar. We get to my floor and Dylan carries me to my apartment door. He grabs something from my pocket then unlocks the door and goes in and I'm hit with the smell of cinnamon and that makes my stomach hurt even more.

Dylan carries me to my bedroom and he lays me down on my bed. He starts to take off my shoes and drops them on the floor and my eyes continue to blink heavy.

"I don't feel good" I said.

"I bet" Dylan says pulling the blanket up over me.

"Dylan..." I said and he looks at me. "Why don't you like me?" I ask and he stares at me. "Why don't you want to be with me?" He continues to stare at me then walks to my bedroom door. He turns off the light and shuts the door leaving me with no answer.

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