Shorts (Literally. Maybe Even Coming Off.)

Peter Parker + Wade Wilson (1)

Peter Parker wasn't anorexic. He really wasn't. But sometimes, with all the homework and studying and chores and taking care of aunt may, not to mention saving the world as Spider-Man, he forgot to eat. People could understand that. Business needed to be taken care of and when he had any free time, he used that to sleep.

So it was no surprise to him that he was ravenously hungry one evening after school. He hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous morning, being caught up with everything. Well, that's not exactly true. He'd had a coffee or two and an energy bar somewhere in there. He wasn't sure when exactly.

He opened the door to the house and found it quiet and empty. There was a note on the table in aunt May's handwriting. "I've gone down to the shops to buy groceries since we're out. Don't expect me back till late." Peter shook his head. His aunt had a thing with the grocer. She would probably be going to dinner with him. Which was great for her. He loved that she had a social life. It meant she was distracted from his sneaking out and skipping school at all hours to fight crime.

Peter really hoped she was wrong about being out of groceries though. He was starving. He looked in the fridge. No luck. The cupboards had stuff in them but not enough to make a full meal. His eyes caught a blur of yellow in the corner of his vision. He turned. There on the counter was the holy grail of bananas. Two whole bunches rested in a wicker basket.

Peter grabbed the basket and went into his room. Normally he would study or set up something to watch on his laptop while he ate but he was so hungry that he ate the first bunch in ten minutes, barely bothering to chew. He slowed down after that, getting out his calculus homework. It took about ten minutes per banana but he finished the second bunch as well. He'd finished calculus and history and was beginning on his coding session when the smell really began to get to him. The peels of fourteen bananas lay about the floor of his room. He stood up and felt an odd sensation in his belly. It was sloshing. He didn't think he'd ever eaten enough to make it do that before.

He wasn't in any pain so he picked up all the peels and took them outside to the dump. He used the stairs instead of the elevator (apartment) because it made the sloshing continue and he kind of liked the way it felt. His room still smelled faintly of bananas but a few squirts of febreeze and cologne fixed that problem.

He reclined. on his bed with his laptop on his knees and continued coding. His stomach began making odd noises. At first he ignored it, as it was just sort of soft gurgling sounds but after a while they got louder and he could feel something (probably banana) moving around inside. Maybe eating fourteen bananas at once wasn't such a good idea.

His stomach got louder and moved around more. It was quite uncomfortable, although it didn't hurt and it was making it hard for him to concentrate on his studies. He pulled up his shirt and looked down at his tummy. The normally slightly concave area where his abs would be if he had any was now rounded out, bloated even. He could feel the pressure in it building and wasn't surprised that it was expanding, as it hadn't stopped yet.

He put his hand on his tummy. It was warm, warmer than he usually was, but it didn't burn him. No imminent fire powers then. He pressed down slightly. It was squishy and soft but he could feel the skin growing taught as it expanded. A particularly loud noise emanated from his middle and he tensed up as a dull ache began to form in his belly.

This worried him. He'd forgotten that he normally didn't eat bananas. They didn't agree with his digestive system. And now he'd eaten two bunches in two hours. He was in deep shit.

Peter dug through his bag and got out his phone. He dialed a number.

"Hey Spidey," a gravelly voice answered.

"Wade-" Peter burped loudly and then groaned as his stomach cramped and the taste of banana filled his mouth.

"Peter, are you alright?" Deadpool's voice became serious.

"Wade, what happens if you eat fourteen bananas in two hours?"

"Why did you eat fourteen bananas in two hours!?"

"I was hungry?"

"Peter, have you been skipping meals again?"

Peter opened his mouth to reply but another burp came out instead, this one sounding slightly wet. Not a good sign. Then his stomach chimed in with some loud gurgles.

"I don't feel so good," Peter mumbled into the phone.

"I can tell. I'll be there soon. But we're going to talk about this later, whether you like it or not."

Peter just nodded and hung up. He was pretty sure he was going to throw up soon but he really didn't want to. He hated the feeling of it and he knew he needed these calories. Plus it was a waste of food.

Wade climbed through the window a few minutes later. He saw peter's skinny frame curled up on the bed. From behind he looked so tiny, his spine showed through his t-shirt. Wade walked quietly around to the other side. Peter's belly was huge compared to his normal size. It had nearly finished expanding and it looked like he'd cut a basketball in half and swallowed it. Wade could hear the angry noises peter's stomach was making and the pitiful one coming from the small boy's lips.

"Peter?" Deadpool said his name to make sure he was awake.

Peter opened his eyes. "Hey," he said, then put a hand over his mouth. He would not throw up. He would not throw up. he would not throw up.

Wade grabbed a nearby trash can and placed it by Peters head. "Its there if you need it."

Peter shook his head. Wade rolled his eyes. "May I?" He reached for the hem of peter's shirt. Peter sighed and nodded.

Wade pulled the shirt up and then over peter's head, revealing the creamy skin underneath. Peter's belly was very swollen and a much pinker hue than the rest of him. His face alternated between reddish and green tinted. Wade tentatively placed his hand on peter's belly. Peter was much warmer than his normal temperature, although probably not feverish. The skins was so soft and smooth that wade wanted to make a pillow out of it. or maybe he could just use peters belly for a pillow.

He pushed his fingers down gently and Peter flinched. "Sorry. Remind me again why you thought you should eat bananas at all? You know how they affect you."

Peter threw up. He had tried so hard not to but it just happened. He couldn't help it. He felt awful.

"It's ok. Let it out." Wade rubbed his back as he puked his guts out, mostly making it into the trash can. The puke smelled like bananas which currently were making him nauseous so it just sped up the process.

It was gross. Really gross. And everything hurt. Peter started to cry.

Wade was a little surprised. He'd never seen Peter cry before. He was sick and in pain and most likely embarrassed so this is a time when crying would make sense but wade just hadn't expected it.

Peter stopped throwing up. He didn't seem to have anything left although his belly was still protesting loudly. Wade helped him lie down, where he immediately curled up again, arms wrapped around his middle. Wade dumped the puke out the window and wipe the spill off the floor with some tissues. Then he got on the bed with Peter, spooning him.

"Come on, baby, let me help."

Peter slowly unwrapped his arms, allowing wade access to his belly. Wade moved his hands over it gently, massaging out the cramps and soothing it until they both fell asleep.