Imperfections

Chapter 4:

Do you ever feel the need to scream out so loud until your insides hurt? The gnawing urge to throw something at the wall so that it breaks with a loud bang? I was feeling it. It was too strong. That craving to lash out on the world like a wild and angry animal. 

It was 26th November. The day my life changed forever. The day, I lost both of my parents. The day I saw Satan in flesh and blood. 

I had locked myself in my bedroom. Seth and Eloise had been constantly knocking and banging the door all day but, I didn't care to answer. I didn't care about anything right now. All I could think about is that night. That bloody, chaotic night. Every year, on their death anniversary, I would allow myself to relive the pain. I would allow myself to think and remember what had happened. I would allow myself to cry. 

"Mayra, Please open the door honey! we are worried sick. You do this every year and every year my heart feels like its going to burst with fear. Please Mayra, let us in. Talk to us, love. You've been in there all day... At least tell us that you are alright" Eloise's soft voice came from behind the door. I could hear the crack in her voice and my heart broke a little. 

If Seth and Eloise hadn't adopted me when they did, I don't know what I would've done to survive. I don't know how I would've lived as peacefully as I was living right now. 

"I'm fine Maa... Don't worry. Just a little more time. Please" I choked. I seldom called her Maa. It was what I called my mother when I was little. So, it wasn't really a happy title but this wasn't a happy day either. 

"Okay. We'll be right outside if you need anything. You've not eaten anything since morning. Do you want me to bring something to eat?" Seth asked.

"No. I'll come out. Just..please! A little more time."  Sniffling a little, I buried my face in the pillow to let out a strangled shriek of annoyance. 

"Okay."

I heard the faint sound of their feet getting lighter and lighter until it was gone. The sun had set a long time ago and I had been engulfed in the dark abyss of my room for god knows how long. As much as I wanted to get up and function like a normal person would, I felt as if all the energy was sucked out of me. 

My eyes hurt and my body felt like putty. 

Slowly, very slowly, I tried my move my pinky finger. It twitched and then fell back in its original place. 

Too much effort. I  think I should rest for another decade before I think of getting up.

I had to get up though. As much as I wanted to curl up against my warm blanket, I had to get up some or the other time.

Okay, You can do this!

3

2

1

"Haishaaa!" I bellowed and propped myself up on my feet.

 Victory!

I could see the faint outline of my surroundings and I carefully made my way towards the switches and turned the lights on.

Too fucking bright. 

I closed my eyes for a while before I finally adjusted to the sudden abundance of light. I decided that I needed to have a nice hot shower before I got out of my room. I smelled like shit.

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"Hey. Here, I've made nutella pancakes. Want some? " Eloise practically shoved the plate into my face making me jerk back a little. 

"Sure." I said with a small smile and took the plate from her. It was when I saw and smelled this amazing food, that I realized how incredibly hungry I was. I didn't waste a moment and digged in. 

Oh nirvana!

"So... I was thinking about asking this to you since yesterday but I never got the time. Did you like the improvised apartment?" Seth asked hopefully. 

"It was the most disappointing interior in the history of interiors" I replied in a flat tone.

"Really? It is all Eloise's fault. Its all her choice. I had told her over and over again to keep her over active imagination to herself but, no. She had to ruin it."  Seth banged his head hard on the dinning table. 

"You traitor! All of the furniture was of your choice since you said that YOU knew May better. I had told you to let me handle it but, no. You had to ruin it" Eloise retorted, her nose flaring a little like a baby dragon. 

"Aye aye aye..you guys! I was just kidding. It is the most beautiful house I have seen so far. I can't believe you guys did that for me. I love you both so much" I smiled warmly and hugged Seth, who had perked up at my reply. 

" Do you have to leave?" I heard Seth's heavy voice from above me. His hard chin was firmly set on my head as he held me in his arms. 

"Yes, You KNOW why. I need to get on my own feet. I need to know what I want to do with my life."

"We understand" Eloise's voice was just a little louder than a whisper "When are you moving out?" 

"I was thinking about moving out tomorrow. You guys have already set everything and all I have to do now is build my bedroom. I can crash in the guestroom until then." I said hesitantly as I pulled away from Seth's embrace. 

I was expecting them to say that its way too soon but all they did was nod in approval. I could see that their eyes held a silent understanding. 

That night, huddled together in a nice warm blanket, we watched 'friends' until we fell asleep on the couch. 

That night, I felt as if I had my own parents with me.

That night, I realized that my family was beautiful.