Starting over

Chapter 4 - The Backstory

Word Count: 1213 *Edited*
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*Recap*
Even if I had feelings for him, I would push them aside. For now. Woah. For now? Brain, are you bi-polar. Wow. I have a bi-polar brain. One minute I'm saying no, the next I am saying hell yes. I know what I feel. I dont know if he really feels anything, or if I'm another toy. But I do know that Alex Surlock will never know how I truly feel about him. Ever. As I was thinking this, Alex put me down. He had a different expression now. It wasn't soft anymore. He stared at me and walked away. Again.

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Ashlynn's P.O.V

I dont even know how to grasp what just happened. He just keeps running away. Again and again. It's like he wants me, but then runs from me. Sometimes I feel like I could yell at him, stop running, I'm right here. But I wouldn't be there. So, I could never tell him that. I finish my hair, and I go into the living room. "Hey Kacey, I'm going to head out, I've got some homework to finish," I tell her. "Ok, well see you at school tomorrow," she says waving me goodbye. I go to my car, and throw my bag in the passenger seat. I also throw my bag, filled with all of my stuff I brought with me, in the back of the car. "Ow," someone says from the backseat of my car. I turn around and see Alex. "What are you doing in my car?" I ask him. "Umm well I'm here to talk to you, so let's go," he says while climbing to the passenger seat and moving my bag, so it sits on his lap. "Hmm, ok then," I say and put my keys in my car and drive away. "Do you want me to drop you off?" I ask him. "No, your house is perfect," he says smiling. "O-Ok," I say blushing, and stuttering. "Can I ask you something?" He asks me, giving me chills. "Y-Yeah," I stutter again. I'm so embarrassing myself right now. "Why do you stutter?" He asks me. "W-Well I stutter whenever I-I'm nervous," I say staring to explain. "So, your nervous right now?" He asks me. These questions are so... "Yes," I say quietly. "Hey, you don't have to be shy with me," he says to me. I swear the things he says to me make me want to... "You know that right?" He asks me interrupting my thoughts that I shouldn't be having. "Yeah, of course" I say and smile at him. "Good, well let's go back to the topic that your stuttering," he says starting back up our other conversation. "Your stuttering right now, so your nervous," he says. I just shake my head. "Your nervous?" He asks me. I just nod again. "Why?" He asks me the question I was afraid he would ask me. "You should know," I say keeping my eyes on the road. "I dont think I do, please enlighten me," he says smiling at me. "Umm, well it's just that you, and me we- uhh," I try to say, but fail miserably. "We what?" He asks me. He knows exactly what hes doing. He just wants me to say it. "We-we've kissed before and you are messing with my feelings, and," I stop for a minute, so that I can pull over. We cant just have this conversation and I can't look at him. "And?" He asks me. I literally could pee my pants right now. "I dont know you just make me want to-to, ugh" I stammered. I grabbed the back of his head and pushed hin into my lips, our lips connecting. I felt the sparks flying, like they have already. He kissed me back and put his hands at my waist. "Wait," I said remembering Christian. "Wh-What about Christian," I said out of breath. Alex's mouth was on my neck, so he didn't answer. I pulled his head back and made hin look at me. "Shut up, and kiss me already," he said. I smiled and kissed him again. I knew that after this, me and him would have to end. I just wasn't ready to let go yet. I loved the feeling I got when his hands were on me. I felt like fire, and the tingles and sparks didn't help from keeping me feel like I was going to explode. I really didn't care about anyone right now. Just him. Alex. He's my world, and for some reason I knew that I was screwed. Big time. Woah. Did I just admit that? No I didnt. He cant hear me. Nobody can. Just my thoughts. Nobody heard me, no harm done. Ok, ok good. Am I still kissing him? Really. I am, of course I am. His lips are so rough, but I love it. I surprise myslef by deepening the kiss. I felt the pull. Yep, it was definitely there. I climb on top of Alex's lap, not breaking the kiss. He still has his hands on my waist. I pull back to look at him, why didn't i get this close before? His eyes are beautiful. "Your eyes are beautiful," I say sounding dumb. He probably knows that. "You're beautiful," he says making me blush. Ever since he got in my car, it's like my brain hasn't been working. I keep wanting to do something, but it's like I'm not in control. I only have one thing on my mind. Him. Nobody else matters. He kisses me again. It feels so magical. I wish we could stay like this forever. Why cant we again? OH MY GOSH. CHRISTIAN!!! I cant believe i forgot about my own boyfriend. As soon as I realize what is actually going on, I have control over my body again. I move back with a shocked expression. This is the worst thing that could happen.  Or is it? My conscience says to me. Why am I thinking this way? I've got to get a grip. "Alex, this cant keep happening I have a boyfriend, who is your bestfriend. " I explain to him, still sitting on his lap. Probably not the best idea, since I'm straddling him, to tell him that we shouldn't be doing this. So, I climb off his lap and back into the drivers seat. I drive all the way to my house, without a word from Alex. I see his car at my house, that's why he wanted to come to my house, he left his car here. He walks me to the front door. "Ash," he says to me looking at the ground. "Yeah," I say quietly. He doesn't say anything, he just kisses me again. His hands are pulling me to him, on my waist. My hands wrap around his neck, on impulse. I have full control still. I know exactly what I'm doing. "Screw it," I say and pull him into my house and to my room.
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A/N: Soooo, if I can I will try to update this real soon. But, this is just small for a reason. Umm yeah. Vote and comment! Thanks!

Lots of love,
Grace♥️