As Usual || Camren

As Usual || Camren AU

I walked into the pub, took my usual seat by the counter, and waited to be greeted by the usual genuine smile that I have been longing for all day. I look around taking in my surroundings and realize it’s quite a busy night tonight. It was crowded and people were already drunk, some were singing by the karaoke stand, some dancing at the open space, others casually sitting having a chat with their friends and a few men were around a pool table playing; as usual. I turn in my stool to face ahead of me and watch as she serves the customers before me. She then turns to face me and greets me the way I expected her to, as usual.

“So what will it be today?” she asks in her usual cheerful voice.  

“Long Island Iced Tea” I reply to her after I returned the smile sure-enough

“Going straight to the point huh? Had a bad day?”  She asks with concern in her eyes.

“Something like that…” I sigh and burry my head in my hands.

“How’s your wife? Did she come back yet?” She asked as she took a hold of my hand and rubbed the back of my palm in a soothing pattern.

“Not yet. But I’m working on it, even though I’m starting to feel like giving up.” I reply as I felt my throat tighten as I said those words aloud, but quickly took a drink to ease away the pain.

“Don’t. If you love her, it’s worth it. From the way you talk about her every night to me, even though I have to admit I’m getting jealous over here, it seems you love her more than anything else. And that has to be more than enough for you to carry on trying to get her back”

I stare into her beautiful brown eyes and give her a sad smile.

“If only you knew..” I mumble to myself shaking my head before I gulp down the rest of my drink.

It usually starts out with a drink, then I order two more as I begin small talk with her about my day, and it all ends when I’ve had more drinks than I can count on my finger and I begin rambling on and on about my love life which most of it makes no sense anymore as my words become slurred, but she listens to me nonetheless and nods her head as if I were speaking a language only we understood as she serves the other customers as well. And by now, I had gulped my 4th drink for the night, as usual.

“Lauren, sweetheart, you need to stop drinking so much. I know I’m a bartender and it’s my job to give you those drinks, but you seem like such a nice person I don’t want you to end up in a place like this your whole life. I don’t want you to become some alcoholic. You need to go out and live your life.”

“I canf. M’life is wit hewr. She zz ma liffffe. Wheeeerever she is, I have to be.”

“Why is that? Why can’t you find someone else? If she left that means she doesn’t deserve you. You need to find someone who’s willing to stick by your side and love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“I canf give op on her. She won- *hiccup*-t  forgive me” I say with tears in my eyes.

“Well she’s selfish.” She replied as she turned to go over to the phone to call a cab for me, as usual.

I sigh, laying my head down on the table resting it on my arms. Oh if she only knew that she isn’t selfish. That it wasn’t her fault, that I was stuck with this fate no matter what. I lifted my head up from the table and stared at the ring on my fourth finger. “See I could do without a tan on my left hand where my fourth finger meets my knuckle” Oh Ed my lovely Ed, if you only knew how much alike we are. I began to hum to myself remembering how this was her favorite song and I soon found myself laughing at my own joke. I would trade this wedding ring to have her back in my arms anytime. I laid my cheek to rest on my hand and soon realized that it was wet. I’d been crying, as usual. I covered up my face and began sobbing uncontrollably remembering all the things we used to do together, the way I felt when we would lay down in bed, when she would sing to me and only me, and the day we both said our “I Do’s”.

I then felt a pair of soft yet firm hands wrap around me. I turn my body to face her and nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck and cried until no tears were left for the night, as usual. She kissed the top of my head and then whispered to my ear, “ If I could, I would bring her back to you. If I could, I would bring back your heart. If I could I would get back all the happiness that was once in you. Because holding you like this, being this close to you every night, gives me a sense of belonging. It’s something about you that makes me feel you deserve the whole world and more, and the way you wait on for her everyday just makes me admire your heart even more. I know it’s silly to be jealous of a woman that I have never met, a woman that belongs to someone I’ve grown to care for, a woman that owns the purest of hearts. And I do wish you find her, because I wish nothing but the best for you, Lauren.”

She then walked me out to the cab that was waiting, and greeted him as usual.

“It’s okay, I’ll take it from here” he tells her as they slowly help me get into the backseat.

“Take care Lolo, be safe” she says as she closes the door, as usual.

But as we drove the all too familiar road to my house, I looked back at today, which wasn’t like any other usual day. It was our 6th year anniversary, which marks the 2ndyear of the accident and the 6th month of running into her again at that Pub. And as I stared out the window into the moon, I whispered so low that I could barely hear myself. “One day, you’ll remember me again Camila, and you won’t have any reason to be jealous, because you’re the only one who will ever own my heart.” And then my eyes drifted to sleep, leaving me with only memories of us in my dreams, and a sense of longing to see her again tomorrow night, as usual.