Last Breath~ft Mikey Barone

8

Julianna
i woke up in a pool of my own sweat, another nightmare I suppose.
I won't return, no no no no.
So don't wait for me, no no no no.
is it really a nightmare if, it happened in real life?
cause I won't find peace, no no no no.
tonight's "nightmare" was real. I lived it. I made it through, I've had to deal with it since I was 10.
until I find, home home home home.
10•01 the day I lost my best friend, my big brother, my inspiration, my everything.
I'm sorry mom, and I'm sorry father. I'm moping, I'm already out the door. hoping I'm choking before I even take a step. does it matter what's left, is it going to prepare me?
I can't count how many times, after he passed I wanted to take my own life. and then how many times after I lost Hayden. it's been hard. but I have a daughter to think, and worry about.
for the grieving even, weaving leaving it, even if it starts unleashing a type of emotion. I saw it before and I took a chance, but as soon as I grabbed it I felt pain!
the pain kills me inside, she's strong enough for the both of us. it's harder for her. she never got to know them. even the fandom got to know her family. she knows them through a screen.
and anything after that was never the same. now I'm running out of fuel to make it. but soon I'll make it. as soon as I'm not sitting,
the countless nights I sat awake.
crying because my baby girl, will never get to know her dad. looking at old pictures, wishing she could've spent a day with him.
and digging in my pockets, for the pictures, on top of broken pictures. like broken mixtures.
praying I'll get another day with her, and she won't be ripped from my hands out of the blue, like Caleb did. hoping her heart beats a second longer, and it never stops.
and there were times, I should've said my last goodbyes. sometimes I wonder why I'm still alive.
I should've held him tighter. I should've told him I loved him. I should've let whatever I was mad at him go, because I'll never get that moment back.
I'm broken, like the halls I woke in. I keep pushing, pushing, the weapon inside of my face, and embracing.
the last memory I have of Caleb was, him slamming the door in my face before I left. he didn't hug me goodbye, tell me he loved me. he was angry at me. I don't remember his warm embrace, his strong arms that would spin me around when I got a new skill.
I'm done waiting chasing, I'm going down to the basement, away from all the corruption. away from all the duration.
I miss his smell of axe, that would stink up the basement. the quiet used to haunt me, his contagious laugh used to fill the room. but after 10•01 it was complete silence. everyone was afraid to go down there. except me, I was afraid to leave. I was afraid to forget him.
and while the times passing, the lights flashing radial over my eyes. wait till you find my body, up under the punching bag 
sirens still make me jump, whenever they're near the house I freeze. I grab Kaleb, afraid to let go. afraid they're gonna come take what I love away from me again. the flashing lights, haunt my nightmares.
tell em, I'm coming back. might get a little spike in the mic, cause I'm coming out of the white, coming back for the fight.
I can't let days like this kill me, because I'm not alone anymore. I have people I love. and that I'll do anything to protect them. I'm gonna fight to stay happy.
and if they ever ask where I'm going tell em I-
I'll go where my heart leads me. my heart knows what's best for me. it lead me here. it lead me to Taylor. it lead me to having Kaleb. it lead me back to how I started my life, back to YouTube. full circle. the best advice someone ever gave me was to Celebrate Life. I sit up and grab my phone.
October 1st
oh, a nightmare. it's not a bad dream.
a person, thing or experience that is very hard to deal with.
my door creaks, as someone slowly opens it.
"morning momma." my three favorite people crawled in bed with me, as I started bawling. Jackson wrapped his long arms around Kaleb and I. and Halle laid her head on my shoulder. there's always a reason not to give up. no matter how hard it gets.

I'm really proud of this chapter. please comment what you thought of it. I found the song lyrics on YouTube, and it didn't have the real name, or artist which is disappointing.