She looks at herself in the mirror and asks herself what has she become. She swallows down the bile that had found itself in her mouth. She sobs to herself silently as the flashbacks recommence. She has never felt so much self-hatred.
She doesn't remember when she started to pick on her. She wasn't the first, but she was the first to die. To commit suicide, and it was all her fault. It started as a coping mechanism. To deal with her mother's medical condition. Why should she be the only one to suffer? After her mother died, she started to lash out further. She didn't care that she was hurting the other girl. The other girl who was an outcast, who didn't fit in. Somehow she had justified emotionally abusing someone else.
She closed her eyes. It was all her fault. She had murdered someone. She could nearly see the blood on her hands. She was a murderer. She bent over the toilet as she vomited into it. She and her clique had pushed someone to their death. The baby screamed downstairs. Her half-brother. The product of her dad and her step-mother's relationship. Her step-mother, as she vomited again, was the mistress of her father well before her mother's death. After her mother died of cancer, it was like her dad didn't care. He probably didn't. He looked at her like she was an invading houseguest not his daughter.
She took one last shaking breath before exiting the bathroom, vowing to change. As she packed her bags in her room and wrote the note, she planned her new life with her aunt. A new school and a new start.
A/N3: Ooh, we finally meet the head bully. Speaking as someone who has been continually bullied all her life by classmates and peers, I wanted to write from the bully's point of view. I hope I have portrayed her alright. I have a self-normal life, with both my parents and my brothers. Saying that, one of my brothers' is non-verbal, autistic and developmentally delayed. I know how hard it is watching someone struggle each, as well as being that person because I have Asperger's Syndrome or ASD. Again I am not a self-harmer. Thanks so much for reading this. I love you guys - dragonflyprincess
