Who Are You(DISCONTINUED)

I'm drained

Savanna POV

I'm drained physically and emotionally. I don't know how to deal with this all. It's just too much. These are the times where I wish my life was the way it was 2 years ago. The days where I'm up late because I can't sleep thinking how much I have hurt people and let them down. I wanna go back to the home where my biggest worry was if I was going to pass or fail this next test, back home where no one wanted anything from me, back home where nobody knew my name. Sadly it can't be that way anymore. I'm constantly worrying about how the world views me, I have to worry if friends using me for what I have or who I associated with. I can't go places without someone screaming my name and sometimes it's not even my name its the generic "Hey aren't you Sabrina Carpenters sister" No is fully okay with being used, its that normalcy that I need back. You know that saying "You don't know what you got until it's gone." It's real and its true. I never hated being myself, unlike tonight. I can't sleep I'm haunted by the memories, the phone call, the text messages all of it haunts me all because I wasn't there. All because I couldn't be there because of "priorities" all because of my not being a normal teenager. I know I should be grateful, people don't even get to go home knowing there is food for them, they long for the life if they were able to get a good meal that day they would call that luxury. Meanwhile, I'm complaining because I have too much. I'm  happy I get my family back but I didn't want it like this. Sabrina was okay with having her teenage years ripped from under her. I wasn't I didn't sign up for this. But I can't tell anyone that, not Sabrina, not mom, not dad, not Sincere, not Shannon, not Sarah. No one because in this moment that all I have no one. Not a single soul that actually cares about my feelings.

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I woke up from getting about 4 hours of sleep last night. The most sleep I have gotten in the past month. I didn't have anything planned today other than school. Shannon was going to work, Peyton was going to his sister's house with Matthew, Sarah and Sabrina were doing rehearsals for some performance and my mom was going with them so I decided to stay home since I really didn't want to go.

"Savanna where leaving soon," Sabrina called from the bathroom.

"Okay?" I said back. I'm not really sure why she was telling me this. I got my school bag and brought it downstairs because that's where I decided to do school. No point in being stuck in my room all day when I have the entire house to myself.

"Savanna I think Dylan is coming by later to keep you company. I really didn't want you to be home alone to ungodly hours of the night. There is $15 dollars for food. You have my number and the security alarm is on and do not turn it off. Dylan is the only one allowed here, got it? And when I check your progress you better have had everything caught up." She said grabbing her purse. I nodded my head and she gave me a kiss on my forehead. "Bye love I'll see you later night. Sabrina lets go before your late!" My mom yelled standing at the end of the stairs.

"I'm coming, I'm coming. Bye Savvy have fun." She said giving me a small hug and walked out of the house with mom. I decided to get as much school done before Dylan came over. I wonder why she didn't invite Annie or Jayden maybe they were busy. Doesn't matter now, she's coming over and because I know I'm not going to get any school done while she's here I might as well do it now. I grabbed a yogurt and got started on my homework.

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It creeping in on 1 o'clock and Dylan isn't here yet. I didn't want to text her and seem desperate so I just decided to watch a movie waiting for her. I didn't get far into the movie right as the movie actually started and my popcorn was made there was a knock on the door. I got up and looked through the camera on the security system I seen Dylan with a giant sports bag. I went over and opened the door.

"Hey sorry I'm late mom wanted me to finish school." She said and I moved so she could come in. "You look tired have you been sleeping well?" She immediately noticed.

"I'm fine but um whats in the bag?" I asked wanting to change this topic as soon as I possibly could.

"Oh, it has some stuff we could do. I heard you like drawing so I brought my own little sketchbook and stuff. I can't really draw that well but you could always teach me. I also brought a little travel nail kit so we could do each other's nails. I also brought some movies. Just so we don't, you know don't get bored." She said and I nodded. "Are you sure your alright Savanna?" 

"Well I put a movie in we could watch that," I said plopping my self on the couch eating my popcorn and watching the movie. That's what we did all day, eat watch movies. Just bonding if you even call it that we hardly even talked.