Sad Souls

Passage 2

  the word "love" used to have a positive connotation to me. i'm sure it still does to the lucky souls who haven't been devoured by its pain and its touch. i used to see it as an inexplicable emotion. more than just butterflies in your stomach. more than just your heart skipping a couple beats here and there. it was warm. i saw it in a human form, as it wrapped it arms around me, and tangled me in its loving embrace. oh, the word "love". however, it's merely what you view it to be. it has no certain definition. "love" is a word that allows every memory you've had associated with it, blur through your mind in less than a second. it captures every image. in your mind it could be good, happy, and warm. in others, it could be harsh, dark, and cold. it's the only word i can think of that allows you to come up with your own definition, to put your own words in your mouth. how do i associate the word "love" now? to me, it's like a storm without the rainbow at the end. at first it starts off gentle, and calm. everything is peaceful, happy, and joyful. then things start to get gloomy. the anxiety and the dark clouds kick in. paranoia is in the air. betrayal stabs you in the back with its lightning touch. it's raining now. harder than ever. it's sad, and scary. you scramble to find a safe place to escape the dark and your negative emotions, only to find that there isn't any shelter. it's not something you can run from. you're in too far now. at the end of the storm there's usually a rainbow, not so much in this scenario though. the rainbow would represent a pleasant ending, things ending up happily. not so much for me. the storm goes away but the dark clouds and thoughts still gather in my mind, along with those who brought the storm. no longer do i long to love. i'm simply afraid of it, and the more harm it could cause to me. it's giving away your heart, and trusting it to not be shattered. it's a whole lot of confidence, that i no longer have. love is a strong word, be careful who you use it with.