All I desired was to become happier and stronger, but why am I becoming weaker? I gazed toward the sky longing to sore amongst the birds. To flee reality. Maybe I can't touch the sky. Every human has separate nights and mornings, they all have separate stars and stories. Mine is just not so untroubled. I longed for the possibility to love myself. Quite often I find myself hating who I am. It would be delightful if I had someone to trust, but my mind tells me not to. Often I just stand here with the familiar darkness, knowing I can't go back to the old me. So please just wipe my eyes, for I have been abused by myself. I feel as though dying with every smile I make. I want to just fade even though I can't escape this reality. I long to do so, but I can't free myself from this pain. I'm caught in a lie; one I cannot escape, so please free me from my hell, from the me who I am not. Whatever it takes please save me. Find the me that once was so innocent, that smiled and laughed. Please give me back my smile, my laughter, my happiness. Once my happy times asked me "Are you truly happy?". I had no answer for I forgot what true happiness felt like. I want to dream more, instead I am plagued by loneliness and self-hatred. The lightest hour is just before the dawn, but I'm trapped among this darkness. Just because I am breathing doesn't mean that I am alive. By all means I don't feel alive. I will simply confess to you with the moon as our only light, that you claim to know me, but how could you know me when I don't even know my own self? I'm poison to my family, to the world. I'm nothing to this life, this reality. I'm a disappointment, a failure. Sometimes I see myself dying, wishing it was real. I hate waking every morning only to realize I'm still breathing. Everyday I wish for an end to my pain. That I would slip into the comfort of darkness in which I will never see the light again. I have always wished for this, but it never happened. Physical pain is comforting compared to the pain my mind is putting me through. Please save me.
