The Adventure of the Speckled Band was one of the shorter Sherlock Holmes works, but I had no way of knowing that at the time. I assumed it was a whole book, and I'd be stuck there for weeks, bare-ass minimum. But of course, the entire thing took less than a day—it was mostly pleasant and comfortable, and I didn't get imprisoned by witches or stabbed by Martians once. Can't have that! Better whisk me away to some other bullshit, so I can get back to starving half to death or having to sleep on a fucking boat or whatever!
Ugh. For the record, this story includes some pretty significant racism against Romani people, but no actual Romani appear in it, so keep in mind that it could have been far worse. From what I can tell, Arthur Conan Doyle was a regular amount racist for his time (so, like, PRETTY FUCKING RACIST), plus he really hated Mormons for some reason. Also, I guess he tried to kill off Sherlock Holmes at least once because he grew to loathe the character. So at least we have that in common.
At the end of the day, like all my literary voyages, this one turned out to be stupid and pointless, and I learned nothing—except that it takes forever to get anywhere in hansom cabs, which smell (unsurprisingly) like horse shit.
Enjoy.
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The Whole Speckled Band Cluserf*ck
HumorArabella Grimsbro has tangled with witches along the yellow brick byways of Oz and battled giant aliens on the barren wastelands of Barsoom. Now she travels to 1880s London to (quite literally) fill the britches of history's greatest fictional detec...
