Knight of Kandor

Lena- She's Alive

"My Lady, please. You must attend court or your mother will have my head." Jessica begs from the doorway to my study.

It has now been sixty-eight days since Kara left. Sixty-eight days since I realized she took my heart with her. Since then I had avoided Mother and Alexander until he returned to the war front. I also managed to avoid most public appearances, including court. Apparently, Mother had been threatening Jessica to get me there. I sigh and look at the woman who had been my only comfort and friend these past few weeks.

"Okay, Jess. But I want the council to handle everything. I am just there to be seen." Jessica smiles in relief.

"Yes My lady. I will let them know." She hurries from the room. I follow at a much more leisurely pace. John falls into place next to me.

"She wouldn't want this for you. She would want you to be happy. To rule your country." John says softly.

"Sir John, I have not been happy for most my life and I am not the Queen yet."

"I told you to not call me Sir. It's bad enough I only got the title because Kara was banished."

"You deserve the title after how you fought. Besides, the Captain of my personal guard should be appropriately titled." John made a grumbling sound in his chest as we had the same argument for the tenth time.

"Do you think she knew, when she asked me to make you my next captain, that she would be caught?" I ask him quietly. I avoided speaking Kara's name out loud, it hurt too much.

"It was her biggest fear in all the time I knew her. Then I saw that fear change. Her biggest fear became you dying. Yes, she knew that one day she would be caught, but that did not matter anymore, as long as you were safe."

The rest of our walk is quiet. The hall was cold and drafty when we reached it. Winter was definitely settling in. Soon the fires on either side of the throne will have to be lit for these occasions. I wrap my shawl tighter around my shoulders as the council files in. A stern look from Lady Catherine is all I need to know how much she disapproves of my actions. I force myself to remain unreadable. Lady Jessica stands on the opposite side of John behind me. The constant stream of commoners began and I sat silently through them all.

The hours seemed to stretch. After the last person of the day, I stood and left without so much as a second glance at my advisors. They had handled each case, I barely even heard what was said. They had been handling pleas for nearly three months now so I was not going to interrupt that.

"Jessica, send for soup and bread to be sent to the garden. And some mulled wine. I wish to read in peace. Also, tell my ladies I will not be joining them today." Not that that was much different. I had not spoken to most of them in almost as long as I had not been to court. Their constant gossiping tired me so I chose to take my leave of them. I am sure they felt slighted but I could not bring myself to care.

John walked with me to the gardens. Jessica caught up to us just outside, holding out my warm cloak and gloves along with my current book. She herself had already draped her own cloak over her shoulders. The pair of them had become almost constant shadows, trying to take Kara's place. They stopped at the first bench along the path and left me alone to make my way to my favorite corner alone. They were always within shouting distance.

The pond had long been drained in preparation for the freezing temperatures already biting at my nose and cheeks. I wrapped the cloak tighter around me before settling into the seat. The book was interesting, it was about the origins and architects of the Castle. It was speculated that many hidden passageways honeycombed the walls. Although none had been knowingly found. Many "secret" passageways were just so servants could move quickly from one end to the other without having to be seen.