The Beat Of Your Heart

Chapter One

^Meet Angelina

C H A P T E R  O N E

Life is awesome.

Yup, it is just great.

I got my friends that I know since I am a child, at least most of them, and a comfortable living space. I have two in love parents and an older average sister. Everything is fine.

Sure my room is currently a mess and all my homework is on my floor drowning in all the dirty clothes, but hey, I'm fine.

And sure I have an assignment due tomorrow and I am not even half way there. So I will welcome detention with open arms.

And okay, my school grades are dropping lately because I stopped carrying a while ago.

And yeah, I am in junior year and have no idea what I want to do when I am out of this crappy place, most call 'school'.

And it's okay that my mom keeps screaming at me, because apparently I don't wear clothes that fits my body type. Well I am sorry I don't feel comfortable with all the new trends. Sure they might be cool but cool isn't my style. I am have more of a 'Sunday night movie marathon' style.

And yeah I might be going deaf.

Sure my English teacher hates my guts, because I say my opinion too many times.

And okay chemistry is the most useless subject in school and no one gives a damn about the periodic table, but for some reason I am good at it. And then, there is also Algebra that no one needs...

Wait, did I mention I'm going deaf? Well there is a fun fact. Here is another one. I have Otosclerosis. Yeah I couldn't pronounce it the first time either.

A quick explanation for the complicated word would be a faulty bone formation in my ear. My grandmother had it and now I do. It is a very rare diagnosis. But what my doctors find weirder is the fact that the process in my ears worsen quicker than with normal people.

The first time I suspected my ear problem was when I was fourteen. I was in a concert, no not from some popular cliché singer. It was a true musician. His name is Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. I told my mother that I couldn't completely hear the cello upfront like I had wished.

It wasn't really the first time I noticed but that was the first time I told my mom. And she told my doctor. Then I went to a check-up and boom: I am told that in ten to fifteen years I will be completely deaf unless I do surgery. But I was warned that if it goes wrong I could be permanently deaf. And obviously I was not going to risk that.

Why? Well I play the violin. And I love it. No you don't understand, I can't live without hearing the beautiful sound of a well-tuned string being smoothly drawn upon by a delicate violin bow. Because quite frankly the violin is where I escape to, when I am down or overjoyed. And to risk that, is like risking the meaning of life. Many might think I am exaggerating and that I have to get my priorities straight, but if you have a true passion for something, you just can't let go, you will understand.

But what came to my attention was that the process was happening quicker and a bit after my fifteenth birthday I went to a check-up again and I was told that I only had 50% of my hearing ability in both ears. The doctors were completely shocked, flabbergasted even. They told us that it was a very rare case. The only solution was the surgery that I was terrified about.

My mom insisted I do it, but my dad in the other hand told me it was up to me.

My older sister just stared at me. She stared at me for a long time and her eyes got glassy after a while. I was quite confused. I remember that moment accurately. I told her, when I got home from the doctor's appointment. She was sitting in her OCD looking room, texting on her bed with her stomach on the matrass and her legs swinging back and forward in the air. I knocked lightly and opened the door. She looked up immediately, probably wondering who it was since I never knock. I usually just barge in.

She raises her eyebrows surprised. "So you learned how to knock on a door. This is progress, Anne." She points her manicured finger at me with a small smile. I roll my eyes at the nickname. I want to smile at the joking tone, but the news was weighing on my shoulder like a pile of rocks.

She notices my gloomy mood and her eyebrows knot together before she asks me. "What's wrong, Anne?"

I hate that question when I am upset, because I immediately start crying. And that's what happened. My sister immediately stands up and runs to comfort me.

You see I never cry. I know you don't really know me, but if you see me shedding a single tear it is because we are close family or... my future husband, not even my friends have seen me cry, sure when I was like four, I think that was the last time I cried in front of Liam, my best friend. So showing negative emotions is not something I like doing in front of people.

My sister gave me a huge hug and I didn't stop her. Since I am my prideful fucked up self, I didn't return the hug. But my head dug into her shoulder.

"What happened?" she asks frantically.

Through sobs I say. "I only have fifty percent of hearing ability in both ears." My sister turns stiff immediately. She knew how important that ability was in my life. I feel the air change as if we travelled to another time and situation. She takes a step away from me and like I mentioned she stares at me. She just stares. And stares.

My tears dry up as I watch hers slowly gloss over. But that only lasts a second before she closes her eyes and shakes her head, like she wants to gather herself. When they open again, she seems stern, serious.

Confusion must have taken over my features because she says. "Look, I..." she stutters and I see her struggling with her emotions and words. I have no idea what they are, but if I were my father I would. "I love you, okay. I know you wanted to become a violinist, but we will get through this." She says quickly, embarrassed.

The thing with this family is that we don't express feelings with words, we express by action. And expressing our emotions with words is really rare. I don't know why, it is just how we were raised, although my parents showed a lot of love towards each other, my sister and I never could.

So naturally my eyes widen at her words. But slowly a smile grows on my face. Jennifer, my sister, seems a bit embarrassed by her words. Because I am a good person deep, deep, deep down, I end her misery by answering. "I love you too, Jenn."

That was the first and last time we ever said that to each other, and I didn't expect anything more. Because that is just who we are.

But that was more than a year ago. Let me tell you about the now.

Life is okay, I guess. I can't hear much. Almost nothing at all. But if I listen closely I can hear the faint voices in the background. Sometimes I get really close to my old phonograph that my dad bought me when I was 12, and listen to the jazz songs from Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Miles Davis and many more. I can listen to those all day.

Anyway I am lucky in one way at least, I can read lips like a freaking pro. I immediately know what you are saying. I honestly could always do that but with the deafness overtaking my world I have learned to master the art of reading lips. I refuse to learn sign language. I don't know why, I guess my mentality is as soon as I learn sign language I am actually deaf. It means to me that all hopes of getting better have vanished in thin air. The day I say one thing in sign language is the day I have officially given up. And believe me I am as stubborn as a mule. Everyone knows that about me.

So if I sum it all up life is not that bad...

Who am I kidding?

My life is a disaster.

~.~.~.~

First Chapter! I hope you enjoyed!