In the Middle

Chapter Three

Heaving a sigh of relief, Grae slammed her textbook shut. Looking up at the clock, Grae realized she had been at the library for almost five hours, every single one well-spent. Grae had spent her day off at the library completing her schoolwork, along with a couple of freelance writing assignments she had taken on to supplement her measly income she made working at the library. She hated to spend her free day at her place of employment, but as the final stretch of Grae's college career came to a close, she basically lived at the college library.

Grae watched as her older co-worker Cheryl was chastising yet another student for talking too loudly in the library. What used to annoy Grae now made her bittersweetly smile. She was going to miss this place. Grae gathered up all of her materials and quietly packed up her bag, not wanting to be Cheryl's next victim. She walked up to the main desk where her friend Rose sat, picking her nails, no doubt waiting for her shift to be over. Grae viewed her job at the library as exciting and important. Rose viewed her job as a necessity to supply her fund for booze. Rose and Grae both started at the library around the same time, and despite being opposites, instantly clicked.

"Having fun, Rosie Posie?"

"Grae, you know I detest that name."

"I'm very aware. Doesn't stop me."

Rose rolled her eyes at Grae, but couldn't stop a slight smile from appearing on her face. "So, what are you doing tonight? Please tell me you have a hot date with some extremely beautiful adonis because I need to live vicariously through someone."

"Well, sorry to disappoint, but the only hot date I have tonight is with my couch."

"God Grae, you really need to get out more. If you aren't here or in class, you're at home. And the only reason you ever go home is to sleep and eat! Then you start it all over again. Aren't you exhausted?"

"I'm almost done with school, Rose. There will be time to relax once I'm done with my program. Until then, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I leave this place on a high note."

"I get it Grae, I just worry that you are going to look back on this time and wish you would have spent more time enjoying life instead of trying to kill yourself."

This wasn't the first time that Grae and Rose had this conversation, and it always went the same way. Rose was never afraid to speak her mind when it came to the people she cared about, and even though it made Grae want to scream at times, she knew Rose was just trying to help.

"Well, I am going out with my roommates on Saturday night if you are interested. I want it to be a super posh evening. Planning on wearing my dress that looks like it's been painted on. Feel like it will lead to a successful evening."

Grae laughed, "Oh, Rosie Posie, some things never change. That sounds like fun, though. Text me closer to Saturday with details, and I'll let you know!"

Picking up her bag, Grae headed toward the entrance of the library after a farewell to Rose. She reflected on their conversation as she headed toward the grocery store to pick up food for dinner. Deep down she knew Rose had a point. She would make an effort and go out with Rose and her friends even though she knew she would probably be feeling slightly guilty at the wasted writing time. Promising herself that she would spend a little extra time working throughout the coming week to make up for the time lost, Grae began to get excited at the prospect of a night out.

___

Grae burst through her apartment door, her hands laden with multiple grocery bags that felt like they were filled with bricks instead of food. She plopped the bags on the counter, and kicked her shoes off, heaving a sigh of relief. She had been counting down the hours until she could go home and relax. Grae poured herself a glass of wine and made her way over to the couch, planning on drowning herself in mindless television.

Flicking on the television, Grae began flipping through the pile of mail that Sienna left for her. Nerves coursed through her as she came to a letter addressed to her with the University's logo on it. It had to be her acceptance to the post-grad writer's program. She felt that her chances were high, but she was still wary to open the envelope that would change her entire future. Opting for liquid courage, she downed her wine in one gulp, grabbed a knife from the kitchen to open the envelope, and went in for the kill. Grae yanked the paper out of the envelope and unfolded it. She skimmed over the first part of the letter which thanked her for her interest in the program and explained how selective the board was when it came to choosing the participants. Continuing to read, she finally reached the paragraph she cared about, reading it aloud to herself.

"We regret to inform you that your application was not selected to be a part of this year's program. Please do not let this rejection prohibit you from reapplying in the future-" Grae broke off, crumpling up the paper and throwing it to the ground. She stood in the middle of her living room, frozen, not sure if she wanted to scream or cry.

Grae was unsure how long she stood there unmoving before the locks on the door began turning and Sienna was walking in. Sienna came to an abrupt stop and surveyed the scene before her. Approaching Grae slowly, as if she would break down at any second (which was very likely), Sienna finally asked her what was wrong. When she got no response, she prodded Grae once again. "Grae, you're freaking me out. What happened? Are you okay?"

Remaining motionless, Grae slowly turned her head toward Sienna, her eyes wide with unshed tears. "They said no."

"What are you talking about? Who said-"

Grae stopped Sienna, "I didn't get in. They said no. My writing wasn't good enough. I'm not good enough."

Sienna looked at Grae with an expression of sadness as Grae broke down into tears. Grae had only cried in front of Sienna a handful of times, as she was not one for tears. Quietly, Sienna approached Grae and put her arms around her friend in a gesture of comfort. After a long period of silence, Sienna finally spoke.

"Grae, I know this isn't what you want to hear right now, but there are other options for you out there. You are so fucking talented, Grae. Don't throw it all away because your plan didn't quite pan out."

Grae remained quiet. She heard what Sienna was saying, but she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge that everything she had been working toward would not be her reality.

"Grae, please say something. You're starting to worry me."

Slowly, Grae looked up from the spot on the ground that she had been staring at intensely while Sienna had tried to console her. "I'm going to go to bed."

"Are you sure? I'll cancel my plans with Jack and we can stay in and eat a ton of food and watch a ton of movies."

"No, I'm tired Sienna. Go out with Jack. I'll see you tomorrow."

Sienna looked at Grae with an expression that even the most concerned parent couldn't hold a candle to. The look overwhelmed Grae. She just wanted to be alone. Without another word, Grae turned toward her bedroom. She closed the door and went straight to her bed. Grae listened closely, waiting to hear the sound of the apartment door closing, signalling Sienna's exit. Once she heard the sound of the locks, Grae let out a loud sob. Feeling hopeless, confused and dejected, Grae laid down in her bed and cried herself into a fitful sleep