Spencer Reid/Matthew Gray Gubler One Shots

One Grain of Sand - Spencer Reid

**Based on the song One Grain of Sand by Ron Pope

Annaleigh glanced over at Spencer. He was on the phone. His fingers were tapping a pencil against the desk. She wondered who he was talking to. Was it work related? Was it personal? Was it a girl? She had suspected for several weeks now that he had moved on from her, that he had someone else in his life. It seemed like no matter how much she gave to him, it was never enough. He always seemed to be looking beyond her, trying to find the next best thing.

I don't wanna hold you if you wanna go

And I'm not gonna make you feel love if you don't

I would rather learn what it feels like to burn than feel nothing at all

She put her head back down and busied herself with the paperwork that lay before her. She felt his eyes on her, but she refused to look up. Why did she constantly continue to torture herself by hoping and wishing that he felt the same way, that he'd ever felt the same way.

"Annaleigh," She heard her name and glanced up. Spencer stood above her, his bag slung over his shoulder. "I've got a couple errands to run; I'll see you back home."

He turned around and disappeared through the doors before she even had a chance to respond. She rolled her eyes and continued on with her work. She had gone through her files already but had no intention of going back the apartment, not right now, not while it was empty.

She was exhausted and she was tired of wondering, of fighting off the lingering panic that threatened to boil over if she let her guard down. She glared at the pen in her hand, reeling it back and hurling it across the room.

She screamed as it fell to the ground with a dull thud. A single tear slid down her cheek and she didn't even bother to swipe it away. She stood, pushing violently against her chair. It scooted away from her, crashing into the desk behind her. She didn't bother moving it back to her desk. She grabbed her coat, her bag and her purse and stormed out of the office.

Oh, I used to treat you sweetly

I would pull you to my chest as you cried about the ocean slipping quickly through your hands

You were searching for one grain of sand along an endless beach

As I was building you a castle that you just refused to see

She walked down the street. The tears had started to fall, some distance back, and she had quit trying to fight it. She had a choice to make, she could either leave him or she could just deal with the feeling of loneliness, but she'd still have him in her life. She loved him. Oh god, did she love him and she couldn't imagine her life without him but was she really strong enough to hang on.

She had no idea how long she had been wandering around the streets of the dark city but her phone started to vibrate in her pocket. She fumbled for it, managing to pull it out as the call transferred to voice mail. She pulled up the call log before stuffing it back its warm home. She didn't want to talk to Spencer right now. She didn't want to explain to him where she was and why. She just wanted to wallow in her misery, just for now.

The phone rang again and she ignored it.

The phone rang again and she ignored it.

The phone rang once more and she angrily pulled it back out.

"What?" She snapped at him.

"Ummm...I was just wondering where you were? I tried the BAU but you didn't answer. Are you okay?" The concern in his voice began to soften her a bit.