Sip of Assistance

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

After James disappeared I talked to a few people I hadn’t seen in a while before Paul finally came into view, walking towards me. He was running a hand through his jet black hair, looking irritated. My initial guess was that business was getting to him. Then again, usually he took advantage of these events. Despite his rocker image and the band's screw-the-man vibe, he was business savvy and relished this kind of stuff. It didn’t make sense for him to be upset.

That’s when it hit me; the thought that somehow he found out what had happened between Jon and I and wasn’t happy about it. Shit, I thought, just what I needed right when things were going good.

Paul stopped about a foot in front of me and looked me up and down before looking over my shoulder, smirking smugly- not a look I had ever witnessed on him. Just as I was about to turn and see what was so interesting behind me, he grabbed my face and kissed me hard. I gasped and hardly had time to react before he took advantage and shoved his tongue in my mouth. I didn’t know what to do. Sure, I’d been kissed plenty of times but this party was full of people I had to work with, that I hoped would take me seriously. Instead I looked like a slut making out at a classy business party. I did not want to be that girl, especially if my past got out.

Even worse, this was the first time Paul kissed me and he did it at the most inappropriate time. I finally managed to pull my face away. Paul wasn’t even looking at me, but rather looking over my shoulder again with the same smirk plastered on his face. What was he trying to prove?

Before I could scold him, he grabbed my hand, “Let’s get out of here.”

He pulled me right out the door towards the limo. When the cameras began flashing he pulled me to him tighter. Inside the limo, though, he sat opposite me instead of next to me. He was acting really strange.

“To my place, please,” he yelled to our driver politely. “You’ll have to come back for the others when they’re ready.

“What was that?”

“What do you mean?” he replied innocently.

“You just kissed me in the middle of the room in front of a lot of contacts. That’s just not like you. And then you dragged me out of there like the building was on fire.”

He hesitated before speaking, “You look beautiful and I just had to kiss you. And then I thought it would be nice for us to spend some time away from that party scene.” All of the sudden he was back to sounding shy, no trace of the smug look remained.

“Oh,” was all I could manage, because quite frankly I wasn't sure if I believed him. Everything about that moment inside was out of character for him and it seemed like there had to be a reason.

I felt my cheeks warm at the thought that maybe he did it for the reasons he gave: Simply because he thought I was beautiful and wanted to kiss me. It was a sweet concept, bad timing and strange behavior notwithstanding. It had been months since someone told me I was beautiful and kissed me. I suppose I hadn't realized how much I needed it. I had always been confident with work and in my personal relationships, but after all of that collapsed my confidence with men had faltered.

Paul looked me over before moving to sit beside me. We chatted easily about the party until we reached his home. It was a sleek modern two story, all angles and sharp edges, with much of the top floor being windows. To my surprise, we didn’t go inside. He walked over to a black hummer and rubbed it gently.

“This is my baby. What do you think?” he said caressing the door handle to his douche mobile- at least that’s what I called them. I thought hummers were ridiculous and total overkill. Just being near one disgusted me, but I didn’t want to be rude and I really did like him. And hadn't I just admitted that I needed to feel pretty and wanted right now?

“It’s nice.” It almost hurt to say it. I hated lying to people. I rarely did, as a matter of fact. It was my policy in both my social and professional life to tell the truth. As a general rule, no good came from lies and omissions. I liked to put all my cards on the table. I could keep other people's personal issues a secret because they were not mine to tell and in this environment the media was incessantly prying, but I was always an open book when it came to my life... Well, at least until Jon and I got more involved. Even then, though, it was a secret because of his career and not because I wanted it that way. I'd kept it a secret since then for the same reason.

Keeping it from Paul made me feel guilty, but we had barely started seeing each other so I figured if we got serious and had the inevitable 'exes talk' I would answer any and all of his questions. At some point I would also have to tell him what I thought about gas guzzling douche mobiles, but I decided now was not the time. It was selfish, but I needed him to fill an emotional void and I hoped that it would progress into something more. Funny how two little polite words -it's nice- could stir up such a storm in my conscience.

Focusing my attention back on Paul, it was obvious he had expected a more enthusiastic reply, but he was walking again through a side gate and into his backyard, so I merely followed behind silently. Like his house, the backyard was huge, with a large rectangular pool- complete with built in rock slide- surrounded by rich green grass. When he reached another gate along the fence at the far end of the yard, he opened it revealing the moonlit beach.

It was only then that I realized I could hear the soft lullabye of waves caressing the shore. It felt like home. The second that thought went through my mind I pushed it away. No need to think about Jon and my old life. Better to focus on the now. Under the moonlight, the ocean looked beautiful and I shouldn’t have been surprised Paul had beach front property, but still I was shocked into silence as I slipped off my heels and followed him.

“I like to come out here and walk at night sometimes to think," he said quietly.

“It’s really gorgeous," was all I could reply, knowing I wasn't ready to think about my walks on the beach in the past.

We talked about insignificant things as we strolled, more like forced chatter. For some reason the conversation just wasn’t flowing like it had before. Shortly we reached an area with big logs set up around what looked to have previously been a bonfire. Paul grabbed my hand and pulled me over to one of the logs to sit.

“The guys and I hang out here and drink and write songs occasionally. It’s nice being away from everyone.”

I nodded, thinking that sounded like a lot of fun, and then shivered involuntarily. There was a chilly breeze and I hadn’t brought a jacket. Noticing this, Paul slipped his off and rested it on my shoulders. He pulled at the collar so it was snug around me, then leaned down and kissed me, much softer than the last time. With no one around, I had the chance to enjoy it. He was soft and sweet, using the collar of his jacket to pull my body closer. It was a nice kiss, but not quite passionate. Not as good as Jon’s kisses. Oh no! Had I really just compared his kiss with Jon’s? Ugh, Jon was long gone and I needed to remember that. He was with the girl of his dreams and I wasn’t her. Not all kisses were immediate sparks and passion. I needed this closeness right then and I was going to have it.

Unfortunately, once those thoughts had come into my head, the excitement of the moment passed, so I pulled back feeling guilty. I looked up into Paul's soft brown eyes, remembering all of the good traits I had seen in him in the past and reminded myself that I had chosen Jon over him before and it had gotten me nowhere good. I wouldn’t let Jon screw this up for me a second time. I leaned forward and kissed Paul again, pushing all thoughts of Jon out of my head.

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Another chapter down... had a little trouble with this one at first but I figured it out.

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