Lady of the Night (Downworlder Series, #3)

Chapter Twenty-One: Stand By Me

I was frantic, on the verge of falling apart. I'd never been this terrified, not since the day my mother had sold me to make sure she could get her next fix. I wanted to blame myself for what was happening. I felt responsible, even though I knew deep in my heart I wasn't. I couldn't stop the trail of what if's that weaved themselves through my thoughts.

What if I hadn't stopped giving my mother marks? Then maybe she wouldn't have taken the girls.

What if I had ended her all those times I'd had the chance, instead of taking mercy on her because of the kids?

What if?

What if?

What if?

Everything I had or hadn't done, it had always been for the kids but now it had all crashed down around me. All my efforts to spare them from the same suffering I had faced was pointless. The girls had been taken right out from under my nose. Taken away and sold by my bitch of a mother.

I chewed on my ragged nails. They had to be terrified, wondering what was going to happen to them. They had to be wondering why I hadn't swooped in and rescued them yet. They had to be terrified and I didn't want to think about what those people were doing to them.

The urge to scream and rage against the universe swelled in my chest. All the anger, pain, and sorrow of the years was breaking me at the seams. Why was it that when everything had started to go right, that whatever gods might be, saw fit to take it all away? Hadn't we all suffered enough? Hadn't we tasted more than our fair share of heartache and loss?

All I could do was trust Mama, that she would bring them back to us unharmed. Of course, that was easier said than done. My beast was battering at the wall of my self control, wanting to hunt down anyone and everyone who had laid hands on her pups. She was violently protective of everything she had claimed as hers. I was half tempted to stop fighting her as much as I was.

I needed my girls back in my arms. I needed to know they were safe. I needed them to know that I would never let someone hurt them like this ever again. I needed them to know I would tear the world apart to get back to them. I reached up and pulled at my hair, digging my ragged nails into my scalp, hoping the pain would drown it all out.

I sucked in a deep breath trying to reign in the panic, letting it out slowly. I cast a quick look toward Miles, he stood near the doorway of the main room. His face was fixed in a pensive stare and his body filled with tension. I knew he wanted to be out there looking for the girls just as much as I did. We all wanted to be out there but mama had commanded us to stay put.

Miles had sent Azuka and the others up to the attic room not long after Mama left. They had been too riled up, wanting to go find the girls themselves. That was the last thing I needed. My brothers running around the city like a bunch of vigilantes. They'd most likely end up getting themselves hurt or worse. I couldn't allow that, my beast wouldn't allow that. They needed to be safe and within reach.

Thankfully, Miles had handled that situation before it could get out of hand. I understood where everyone was coming from, it was hard for us to sit back and do nothing. The girls were the babies and we all wanted to protect them. I knew it didn't help that Miles and I both knew the ugliness of the world and what could happen to our sweet girls. It was the knowing that made the waiting around that much worse. With every second that passed I knew something horrible could happen to them that we could never take back.

The girls were gone, traded to a monster to pay for a someone else's drug debt. It was disgusting and heartbreaking. They were old enough that this would stick with them. My innocent and beautiful girls had been thrown into darkest part of the world without any form of protection. I should have done better by them. I should have trained them. I should have done more than I had. I wanted to punch something and at the same time I wanted to fall into the security of Miles's arms.