A Beautiful Lie - Tom Kaulitz

Fight Or Flight

Even though I knew my rescue was pending, it was getting increasingly hard to "behave". The meeting with Georg last night had my head all kinds of messed up. As I tossed and turned in my bed last night all I could think about was Tom and how he was no longer here on this earth with me. I cried as many tears as my body could allow before they were all dried up, my pillow covered in mascara stains from my weeping eyes. Now I was in a place where I didn't know if it was worth living anymore, why was I still fighting? What did I have to fight for?

I got up from bed and looked at my exasperated appearance. My pale skin even more pale than the norm, my eyes circled with dark bags and my hair a red tangled mess, my hair clumped together in sweat patches. I stared at myself for a moment in time, still the same thing going through my head, why am I still here, why am I still trying? I glanced over at the alarm clock beside my bed, it was 3.06pm. Tonight I had to go work at the club again and most likely this time I will really have to sleep with a real client. The thought of another mans hands touching me made my stomach churn in disgust. Most clients were overweight middle aged men in miserable jobs and marriages and they didn't look anything like the man I was once accustomed to having his hands all over me.

I staggered to the en suite and turned on the shower. I undressed, letting my silk robe slip from my shoulders and brush down past my hips and thighs as it fell to the floor in a crumpled heap. I stepped into the shower and let the warm water wash away all of my sins. The picture of Tom still in my mind as I let my body succumb to the relaxing warmth of the water. Each and every muscle in my body became limber and I felt as I went numb and heavy. I imagined I wasn't alone in the shower, I pictured Tom behind me, his naked toned body pressing against my backside as he planted a kiss in the nape of my neck.

I inhaled deeply, letting my body tingle with pleasure before exhaling. The water dripped down my hair and over my face, dripping from my lips and on to the ground before sinking down the drain. I watched as the water circled the drain at the bottom of the shower and I thought about how much I'de love to just circle down a dark drain into the abyss. I felt my body twitch as again I imagined Tom's touch. His left arm wrapping itself around my waist, pulling me closer to him, now the feeling of his hard cock pressing against my ass.

A sudden knock on my door violently ripped me from my imagination and I took a sharp breath from the sudden disturbance.

"What?" I yelled out from the shower, annoyed at whom ever was at the door.

"We leave in an hour." It was Angel.

I sighed heavily and turned the water off. I stepped out onto the warm matt, the cold air hitting me instantly, it almost felt as if I was out in the elements it was so harsh and I was still not used to this cold of weather. I wrapped myself up in a towel and made my way into the bedroom to get myself ready for tonight. The outfit picked out for me already hung up neatly in my closet. I slipped on the black lacy dress and straightened it out as I gazed upon myself in the mirror. This one I didn't actually mind so much. The black fitted dress ended just before my knee, instead of just after my ass for a change, the lace detailing slightly going over the knee. There was a cut out further up the dress just below my dress where the fabric was cut away but the lace detail still remained, causing a sexy but still classy look to the dress. I applied my makeup and made my way into the kitchen to grab a bite to eat before heading out.

The mansion was so quiet, it felt as though someone could hear my heels from the other end of the god dam place. I reached the kitchen and saw a couple girls all done up for tonight having a glass of juice or vodka. I met eyes with Kristina for a second and made sure to give her a glare before heading to the fridge to look for some food. I reached in and grabbed out a bowl of soup before heating it up and taking a seat at the counter, far,far away from Kristina. I made sure to peak a quick look at her under my eyelashes every now and then as I ate my soup, my hatred for her still grew strong. Whenever I even laid eyes on her I felt a fire erupt inside my chest and pulse through my veins, causing my fists to clench and teeth to grind on each other. I loved the thought of my fist connecting with her face but I knew I couldn't start something, not again.