To Serve and Protect

Chapter 27 - Vicious Cycle

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher

Chapter 27 - Vicious Cycle

Helen-

Within the hour, Holden is settled into a room, and finally falls into a natural sleep. CJ and Ms. Keira take up Addy's offer of a guest room, and I am left to the comforts of an under-stuffed club chair.

I curl up the best I can, after moving the chair closer to Holden's bed. I gather his hand in mine, and fall asleep listening to the soft sounds of him breathing and the hum of the hospital monitors. Around three he wakes in pain, and I call the nurse. Stepping out of the way, I wait until he's comfortable before I take up my previous position.

We haven't spoken, yet. He let me cry, and we comforted each other, but the idea to put into words the fear we both have, is too much for us right now. Or at least, it's too much for me. I'm content knowing he's alive and well... injured but healing.

Just after breakfast, the room becomes crowded. Some of the officers that were here last night come by to wish him a speedy recovery, his family is back with the addition of his grandparents and Uncle Michael, and I move away for them to have their time with Holden.

"You need to get away from here for a little while," Elliot tells me, and I shake my head no.

"Yes, for just a little while. Let me take you home to get a shower and fresh clothes. Joel can look at your wound, and patch you up again." He has a gentle smile as he makes me look at his face while he's talking. "Holden's in good hands. Let me take care of you for him."

I agree, and I reach over to gently kiss Holden's lips before I leave, and he brushes his hand across my cheek.

"I don't envy him." Elliot says as we walk to the elevator. No, I guess it's hard to envy anyone with a hole in their abdomen. "He's going to have a lot of questions about what you just did."

"What?"

"You kissed him. I'm not sure if he's said anything, but from the astonished faces of my family, I guess they had no idea that you two were together."

I would laugh, if it weren't for the circumstances. Joel catches us before the doors close, and the three of us go back to the house.

Joel takes off my old bandage, and covers my wound with a waterproof sealant for me to shower. The warmth of the water penetrates my weary muscles, allowing me to stretch the soreness from sleeping in the chair. I wash to goop from my newly cut hair... it was just yesterday that I was all caught up with my new hairstyle, oblivious to how drastic the day would change.

The memory of Holden sprawled on the floor with all the blood all around him, him falling unconscious before help arrived, and the fear of loosing him were too much as I sunk to the tiles in tears.

Warm hands reach me and pull me from the water, turning the knob that now only expelled an ice-cold stream, and then wraps me in softness. Through the door a garbled voice mutters, answered with, "I've got her. Get the kit and her meds."

"Are you sure?" Muttered voice coming in much clearer.

"Yes, she won't want you to see her like this." My bedroom door is shut, and the towel that covered my shoulders is pulled from me only to be placed as a covering for the front of my body. I'm laid down on my bed. "It's ok. I've got you. Let it out. It will be ok."

Joel's strong arms hold me as I try to gather some composure. His soft coo telling me that everything is going to be ok. He's gentle, caring for me as if I was a small child. He dries my body and my hair. He lets me lean on him as he dresses me, not bothered at all by my nakedness.