Safe Harbor

| 26 |

"I thought you guys were dead."

The words are a whisper; so faint I can barely hear them. They leave her mouth abruptly, and all of a sudden, her hands fly to her mouth.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that! It's just..." She trails off and her eyes meet the ground, and I know. Marco and I both know.

"We thought the same for you, honestly," Marco replies. "I can't believe this. I can't bloody believe this!" He exclaims, the surprise in his voice turning to joy. "Of all people, of all places. I can't believe you're here," he says earnestly.

Marnie looks up at him once more and shakes her head, as if she's thinking the same thing. "I knew we'd meet again," she says simply, stepping forward to pull him into a hug.

A few seconds later, Marnie looks at me, and I'm frozen.

I want to say something to her, but the words refuse to come out. Not for the first time this bizarre day, my thoughts are flooded with the image of Ellie. When I look at Marnie again I don't see her anymore; just the pale ghost of my past returning to haunt me. It's as if her very presence is taunting me, leaving me in a breathless, silent sort of terror.

This is too much, too soon. How could it be that we were just talking of home and the fair, and then Marnie appears, out of thin air? I wasn't one to believe in coincidence, or chance encounters. This was fate, knocking at my door, bursting through like an unwelcome guest.

And all for one reason I had a sickening feeling I knew all along.

"Alex?" I vaguely hear someone say, but their voice is muffled, like it's coming from far away.

Because I just stood back and let her die.

"Alex?" Someone is shaking me now, and I look around startled, with what I know must be crazy eyes.

My eyes dart from Marco, who's staring at me like I've lost my mind, to each of the others standing around me, except Marnie. How can I look at her without empty apologies? Without feeling the crushing guilt I know she must also feel?

"I-I need to go-" I manage to splutter out. Without another word, and without waiting to hear anyone's response, I jog away into the jungle.

"Alex!" I hear someone call after me, but I break into a sprint, ignoring the looks passerbys shoot me.

I run.

I'd almost forgotten the taste of the wind on my tongue and the rush of exhilaration that comes with seeing the world zoom by in a blurry snapshot as my legs carry me further and further into the island. It's the most calming feeling in the world, and one I definitely need right now.

I run until I can't run anymore, and find myself at the opposite end of the island. I sink to my knees in the water, not caring that the waves are rougher at this end. They crash into me the same way my thoughts crash into each other.

I've made a fool of myself in front of everyone, I know, but I can't get over this. I can't get her out of my head, I can't look down at my hands and not see blood on them.

"Alex?"

I don't respond. Maybe if I don't turn around, they'll go away.

A body comes and kneels in the freezing cold water next to me, disputing that theory.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," the voice says. "But you spend far too much time making sure everyone else is alright to make time for yourself, in my opinion."