The Problem with Blue (#opennovellacontest)

Chapter 4

I grab the envelopes from my bag and nightstand and lay them on the floor along with the one my mom found on the porch. I pick up the third note and start typing the message into Google. Sure enough, it immediately pulls up The Scientist. I scrunch up my nose when I see that it's by a band I don't care for, but lean back against my bed and read the lyrics anyway. I'm not always the best at interpreting things, but it seems to be about a guy breaking up with his girlfriend. He tries to find her and apologize and tell her that he still needs her because she isn't like anybody else he's ever met. He's trying to figure out where everything went wrong, but is over-analyzing the situation and isn't relying on his gut instinct for the answers. He wants to start over at the beginning with her only have it be different this time.

Ok. Great. Now I know these are song lyrics and the meaning of the song, but it still doesn't answer the question of how this applies to me. I pull it up on YouTube, hoping that hearing it will help me figure it out. To my surprise, instead of a typical pop song, it's mostly just piano and vocals. The composition is beautiful but relatively simple and I idly wonder if I could learn how to play it.

I pick up the second envelope that I found in my soccer bag after practice and slide out the piece of paper, rereading it even though I already have it memorized: As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once. Just as I had with the first, I start to type it into Google, and to my surprise, it almost immediately auto-populates in the search engine. Apparently, I'm the only person in the world who doesn't recognize it. I click on the first result and laugh when I see where it is from. The Fault in Our Stars. I've never read the book or seen the movie, but according to Kate and Lily, it's the most romantic and tragic movie ever to exist. If I remember correctly, Alex and Miles got drug along with them and I missed out because I was sick.

The quote is about falling in love, but what does that have to do with me? If whoever is leaving these envelopes for me thinks I'm going to be able to interpret secret messages having to do with love, they are going to be pretty disappointed.

I half-heartedly reread the first message and start to search to see where the lines are from, but before I can get too far, I figure it out on my own. It's one of the verses from Rock n' Roll Suicide by David Bowie.

Oh no, love, 

you're not alone

You're watching yourself, 

but you're too unfair

You got your head all tangled up,
but if I could only make you care

Oh no, love, 

you're not alone

I can't believe I didn't recognize the lyrics. Unlike the others, I can at least see how this could be describing my current mental state. I feel like I made some headway towards figuring out what the messages mean, but I'm no closer to figuring out what they have to do with me. Is someone trying to tell me something, or are they just totally random bits from books and songs? None of this makes sense. Putting it down, I rub my fists into my eyes.

I carefully tuck the papers back into the envelopes and slip all three into my nightstand drawer. It's early still, but I strip down to my boxers and t-shirt, flick off the lights, and crawl into bed. The more letters that show up, the more I feel like I'm unraveling. I keep hoping that maybe one of them will come with an explanation, but each one just makes things worse. Is there something I'm missing? A secret meaning that I'm not picking up on?

Tossing and turning, I lay in bed for what seems like forever, but in all reality, is probably only about 45 minutes. The silence is broken by muffled voices, so I know it can't be too late if Alex is still up on a school night. The discussion sounds more like a disagreement, and I frown when I recognize that the other voice belongs to Miles. They are two of the most impartial and laid back people I know and I can't imagine any circumstance that would cause them to have any sort of conflict. After about ten minutes of trying to ignore the terse conversation, curiosity gets the better of me and I ease myself out of bed, walk across my dark room, and open my door just enough to peek my head out.